Napabalikwas ako ng higa. I was panting heavily again as I looked at my digital clock beside my bed. I could feel the beads of sweat forming in my forehead as I calmed my body down.
It's still two in the morning, but my vivid dream made me awake again. I leaned my back on my headboard as I tried to remember it.
Pumikit ako ng mariin. I was with someone...hindi ko alam kung saan pero...pakiramdam ko totoong-totoo. It felt so real yet it is possible that it happened. I don't have any memory on it, wala akong matandaan.
But this time this was different. We are not making out or touching each other intimately. We were both seated. At the park? I could barely picture it.
"You baked too?" She asked me curiously.
She has long wavy hair. And that's it. I can't remember her face.
"I just started learning it." I answered back.
Fuck! I cursed as I can't remember the whole conversation. I tried remembering her face again this time. 'Cause I am damn so sure that the first time I had a lewd vivid dream, the girl in all my dreams had the same voice as now. I can't make a mistake on that one, but I don't fucking remember the face.
I feel so frustrated.
Natulala ako sa kawalan. And then suddenly, realization hits me...I don't know how to bake. I've tried baking but I never really pursued it even as a hobby.
I don't fucking bake.
I was taken aback when my mind suddenly remembered her words again. My heart palpitated and my body shivered as I felt like she was just whispering her words straight into my ear.
"Why, 'cause it's my favorite?" She teased me.
"Yeah, cause you love it. I should be able to learn the things you love."
I closed my eyes tightly again. Why is it so vivid? Why does it feel like a distant memory? Why do I feel so different?
Dreams never made me feel this way. Ngayon lang. This shouldn't be a big deal but it is. My instinct is telling me something.
I frustratedly sigh and get up from my bed. I opened my mini fridge and gulped down my cold water bottle. I closed it again and afterwhich, I could feel my head twitching from pain again.
I touched where my scar is. It hurts. My head fucking hurts.
I laid down on my bed. With my head hurting and her words repeatedly whispering into my ears, I felt like anytime it's gonna explode.
I held onto my pillow tightly as I closed my eyes. Huminga ako ng malalim. I've tried breathing in deeply repeatedly as I relaxed my tensed body.
Nakaramdam ako ng pagkalma kahit papaano. I opened my eyes as the pain subsided. My eyes fixated on my digital clock. Kinapa ko ang marahas na tibok ng puso ko at muling pumikit at huminga ng malalim.
I should be fine. Tomorrow, I will be fine for sure.
"Anak? Hindi ka daw pumasok ngayon?" I looked at the Hospital that I am in.
Then I walked through the entrance. "Yes, Ma. I have some papers at school to pass. But I will be there after lunch."
I don't want to tell her yet what happened to me. Mag aalala lang siya. I just need to do it and confirm it myself for now. I already have an idea, but I don't want to conclude things this early.
"Oh...Okay...be careful on your way."
"Okay, Ma. Bye."
I ended the call as the information staff looked at me. "Good morning, Sir. Anong pong sadya nila?"
