Hindi ko maiwasan na mag alala. I am worried sick of her situation. She's been doing it so many years, at kahit pa sabihin niya na sanay na siya. This isn't right to me at all.
"Tulog na ulit ang mga bata?"
I just plainly nodded at her. "Are you always working this late?" Hindi ko na maiwasang magtanong.
I looked at her, concerned with her tight schedule and so is her health. She avoided my gaze instead and walked towards the front door. Linagpasan niya lamang ako.
Kaagad akong sumunod. "And you haven't had your dinner yet, Sevie. You always eat late."
"This is hot healthy anymore. Nalilipasan ka ng gutom." I added more. As much as I wanted to make my voice soft and gentle, my concern for her health and well-being didn't let me.
Huminga ako ng malalim ng hindi pa rin niya ako nilingon. I clenched my jaw hard, she is really stubborn. "You are working, but it doesn't mean you do not have to prioritize your health."
She then finally stopped her steps then looked back at me. She looked at me sternly like I am her problem, then she breathed in deeply.
"I am fine---"
"And clearly, you are overworking yourself!" I can't help but feel angry. Not for her...maybe for her stubbornness but it is mostly for myself.
I should be the one providing for this family. Ako dapat! She shouldn't be working hard like this.
She looked at me the same and I just hated it. Her eyes bore into me as if I am crossing a fucking line again. But do I care about it now? No.
"Listen, Sandro." She said seriously as she crossed her arms to her chest.
She is looking at me like I dont have the right to meddle with her life. Like I don't have a fucking say on it. Well, she is right but I don't know now, I just had enough with her situation, her heavy workload and everything. Kahit na alam kung kasalanan ko naman lahat, dahil sa akin nagsimula ang mga problema niya.
"I am fine." She insisted. And I hate how she lies too.
"You can meddle with the kids, but not with me."
I was quite taken aback with her answer. Kahit na iyon naman ang nasa isipan ko ay hindi ko paring mapigilan na magulat. It is different hearing it from her personally...and it hurts. Ramdam ko ang mas lalong namuong galit sa akin pero kaagad rin itong winala.
Wala pa akong karapatan. Bakit naman ako magagalit? I am fucking forgetting my position in her life again.
I looked down and let out a heavy sigh. I can't help but chuckle bitterly. At nang iangat ko na ang mga mata ko ay hindi ko mapigil na ipakita ang tunay kong nararamdaman. I can't hide my pain and...bitterness. For myself and our situation right now.
"Right. I am sorry...if I am crossing the line again...I forgot." I nodded slightly at her, acknowledging that I am the one at fault here.
She quickly avoids my gaze. I guess that's just it. Mas lalo akong nakaramdam ng pait sa inakto niya.
"I'll just get my things inside." Then I bravely walked past her.
I ended my night like that. I went home feeling like a loser. I thought my persistence on wooing her will prevail, pero kahit ano yatang gawin ko hindi ko na mababago ang meron sa amin. I felt like it is already mark, at hanggang doon na lang talaga.
Her words put an end to it. She cleared it herself.
Natulog akong ganun ang pakiramdam. I walked up early and didn't have a good sleep. Ilang minuto rin akong nakatunganga lang sa kisame. Thinking about how should I face her today. Pero bahala na.
