My loud alarm clock woke me up. Napabalikwas ako ng higa. I groaned as I reached for it. Then slowly, I opened my eyes. The modern ceiling wasn't familiar to me, pero alam ko kung nasaan ako ngayon.
I stood up and did my morning routine. I looked at myself in the mirror. Mukha akong puyat, and I need to fix it. I wasn't able to sleep while we were travelling because I was too anxious. I will have a dinner meeting tonight…and I'll probably see her too. I can't help but feel nervous again just thinking about it. Mas kailangan kong maghanda.
I shower and after that, it is already 11. I'll just probably eat my brunch.
I wear me white polo and maong pants. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to compose myself.
Huminga ako ng malalim. There is a high chance that I will see her there working. Anong gagawin ko kung nagkataon?
I walk back and forth in front of the mirror. How should I approach her? Should I talk about the children right away? Or should I wait for another time? I am actually thinking that it is better if she opens up about the kids.
Napatigil ako. I bit my lips as I looked at myself in the mirror. I don't think it is right to talk about the children right away.
Napaupo ako sa kama ko at napasapo ng noo.
It is now or never. She is within my reach and I just need to be brave for it, dahil kung hindi ay walang mangyayari sa amin.
I breathed in deeply one last time, I looked at myself in the mirror and then walked towards my door. I fixed my shirt again then bravely opened it.
My knees were shaking quite a bit as I rode the elevator. Kailangan ko pang sumandal para lang masiguradong hindi ako tuluyang bibigay.
The elevator opened and the first thing that I saw was the restaurant she is working at. I slowly got out of the elevator as I felt my heart beating hard and fast.
"Good morning, Sir!" The security guard greeted me as I approached their entrance.
I couldn't even greet him back nor look at him because my eyes were fixed inside the glass door.
Dumagundong sa kaba ang dibdib pero hindi ko pa siya nakikita. I swallowed hard as I entered and that is when I stopped too.
Napatigil ako ng tuluyan ng makita ko siya. My feet automatically turned around exiting the entrance again.
I didn't even think twice and I just entered the elevator. I pressed my floor number and my eyes were fixed right in front me. I watched the elevator close and for the last time, I saw her again.
"Fuck! Fuck Gunner!" I can't help but curse myself as soon as the elevator closed.
I groaned as I processed just what happened and what I did.
I looked like a loser.
I saw her and I chicken out.
Fuck again. The elevator opened and I quickly got out. Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa unit ko at kaagad na napasandal sa pintuan ko.
Did I just lose the chance to talk to her again? Definitely.
Napapikit ako ng mariin. I removed my polo shirt and shoes frustratingly. Hindi ko pa kayang humarap.
I groaned and I almost punched my wall too. Napatigil lang ako ng maisip ko ang sugat ko rito, and I do not want to have bruises too if ever she sees me and the kids.
I frustratedly put my hands on my waist and cursed at myself again. I am such a coward, huh?
And at the end, I decided to just stay inside. I will probably look like a fool if ever she sees me this time. Muli akong napabalikwas sa kama ko at napatitig sa kisame, It is already 12 and I haven't eat anything yet.
