Napasinghap ako ng malakas sa sinabi niya. My insides automatically trembled and my eyes became uneasy. Gusto akong makilala ng mga bata? I didn't expect it to be this early!
I cleared my throat as I processed what will happen in the next few minutes of my life. This just felt so unreal and surreal. And what did I even do to deserve this?
"I'm just...outside your home." Kinakabahan kong sagot.
"Ano?!" She sounded so shocked but what do I expect?
Was I too early? Too excited? Maybe I am. "I was here around 5AM. I can't sleep so…" I cleared my throat again. "Can I see them now?'
I waited for a few seconds before she answered. Probably shocked that I'm gonna be meeting the children today too and as fast as this. I mean, she didnt expect at all that I was already outside.
"I can't sleep thinking that all of you are just there, within my reach." I added more as she remained silent on the other line.
She cleared her throat this time. Maybe I am on the wrong timing? I could just see them this afternoon if that's what she wishes, or probably tomorrow? Or any other day would do.
"Yeah, wait for me outside."
And that is when I lost it. Kaagad akong bumaba ng sasakyan habang inaayos ang sarili ko. And I could feel my knees weakening as soon as my feet hit the ground. The nervousness that I was feeling was unmatched and I could feel my tears forming again.
I stepped near their gate and when I saw her coming out of their front door, mas lalong dumagundong ang tibok ng puso ko. I looked at her uneasily until she made her way to me.
"Hinihintay ka na ng mga bata." She looks so uneasy too. And just like me, she probably didn't had a proper sleep last night.
"Thank you." Mahina kong sambit, pinipigilan ang sarili ko na bumigay sa harapan niya mismo.
She only nodded at me. "Tara na."
Nauna na akong pumasok. She then locked their gate at sumunod na ako sa paglalakad niya pagkatapos.
My knees were totally giving up as I walked behind her. I looked at their home right in front me...and my children were inside...waiting for me. This is unreal.
We stopped at their front door and then she faced me. Just like me, she looks so nervous too. But we are both ready to embrace what will happen today. She is even kind of worried but it's just probably for the kids...not for me.
"My daughter's name is Yessenia Souline, or you could just simply call her Yesh. And for my son, it's Thiago Leonel or just Thiago." She nervously explained.
Yesh and Thiago. Hearing their name from her for the first time made me more feel emotional. Tumango lamang ako ng marahan. I've felt like if I'm gonna speak now, tuluyan na lamang akong bibigay. I need to be braver.
She then proceeded to open the door. At this point I do not know what to expect and what should I properly do as I meet them, my mind just went hazy and blank as I looked at the door in front of me.
And when it finally opened. I automatically saw two children sitting on the sofa, right in front of me. The feeling was unexplainable...I just saw myself kneeling near their front door as my knees gave up and my daughter quickly ran to me.
I opened my arms and all I wanna feel right now is their presence...that what is happening right now is true and not just a mere dream.
Her tiny little arms wrapped around me as she cried on my shoulders and repeatedly murmuring the word 'Tatay' made me reach my limit. I cried so hard in her arms as I hugged her tighter. Masakit na masaya.
