Natuod ako ng marinig ko ang boses niya. My breathing became uneven and I couldn't talk at all.
But I have to. Just like what Gracie said, there is no right time for it. So with all my courage, I uttered her name.
"Sevie…" I heard her gasp on the other line as soon as I said it. She might have recognized my voice.
Muli akong huminga ng malalim. "We need to talk…" I carefully said next.
She cleared her throat. "Tungkol saan?" She carefully asked too as her voice trembled in the end. And I knew from that moment that she already knew what I am pertaining to with that alone.
Napatingala ako. "About the children...the twins." Ramdam ko ang pag sikip ng dibdib ko pagkatapos ko itong banggitin.
I waited for her response or any reaction but there was nothing.
"I am here outside of your home. I need to talk to you, please." I pleaded.
If she doesn't want me here...If she doesn't want me to be the children....I already made a promise to myself that I won't back down. This is my last chance to live. Kaya hinding-hindi ako basta susuko.
Then I heard her breathing deeply. "Saglit lang." Then she ended the call.
Nabuhayan ako sa simpleng sagot niya. I waited for her outside. And just like what I had expected, as she walked towards me and as soon as I saw her exiting their front door, she looked so fragile, so hurt.
She walked towards me and her body was shaking and she obviously cried too. Mas lalong nagtagis ang bagang ko para sa sarili. I could kill myself right now. This is all my fault.
She couldn't look me in the eyes as she opened their gate. Lalo akong nakaramdam ng galit para sa sarili ko. I never wanted to see her in this state, and worst, it is all because of me.
Humarap siya sa akin ng tuluyan. I clenched my jaw hard as I looked at how vulnerable she was.
"Anong gusto mong pag-usapan?" She asks bravely.
But then all her defences crumbled down into pieces as she suddenly sobbed right in front of me. She put her palm on her face as she cried harder.
Fuck you, Gunner. You fucking deserved to die.
"I'm sorry…" That's the only thing I could say. My voice broke at the end but who cares now. The love of my life is breaking down right in front of me. And it's like death talking to me.
I bravely pulled her closer to mine, I hugged her tightly as I murmured my apologies. Ramdam ko ang biglaang panghihina ng katawan ko at kalooban.
"I'm so sorry, please." I kept on repeating it as I hugged her tighter in my arms.
I didn't even know that I was crying now too on her shoulder if she didn't remove my hold on her. And I didnt even have the strength as she pushed me away from her. Nasaktan ako sa ginawa niya pero ano naman ang sakit na nararamdaman ko kumpara sa kanya? My pain is nothing.
"I'm an ashhole. I'm so sorry, Sevie." And all I could do was repeatedly apologize. I do not have the right to do anything for her.
"Don't apologize to me. Apologize to them." She said it bravely and with conviction this time.
I looked at her pleadingly. I wiped away the remaining tears in my eyes. "I want to meet them. If you permit it." I asked her carefully.
She looked at me, not surprised anymore at my own request. She breathed in deeply, as she looked at me, contemplating things.
"I need to talk to them first."
Kaagad akong nabuhayan ng loob sa sinabi niya. May pag-asa pa ako. I slowly nodded at her.
