First Light

36 lost

All of us but Mikel get out on the 5th floor, turning to wave and say bye to him as he stays for the 9th floor.

Jonah tries to catch my eye as we turn and walk in the direction of the flat, waggling his eyebrows like an idiot and motioning his head towards Faye. "She's staying with you for a bit, aye?"

"It's not like that." I mutter to him.

"Sure it isn't." He gives me a very over-exaggerated wink before jogging ahead to the front, keys in his hands.

I hold my room door for Faye once we get into the flat, quickly waving in the others' direction before stepping into my room after her.

She sets the box of her left-over pizza on my desk before turning to face me, placing herself on the edge of my bed, dark curls bouncing.

"Why did you want me to come up here?" She asks.

"I know you're not okay." I don't even think that there's any point in me trying to prolong saying it.

She laughs in response, though, her green eyes shifting away quickly before looking back at me. "What makes you say that?"

"I can tell."

"You can tell?" The smile is still on her face.

I nod, moving to sit next to her but not too close, in case she feel suffocated. "You don't have to lie to me, y'know. You can tell me when you're not alright."

Faye waits a couple seconds, opening her mouth and then shutting it.

"Obviously only if you want to," I add. "I'm just letting you know that I can tell that something's wrong, and so I'm here for you to talk to. Or even just listen."

She nods, looking away. "Okay."

I wait a few seconds in case she feels like she wants to say something, and when she doesn't, I sigh gently. "It's fine if you want to be by yourself right now, by the way. I won't take offence."

I offer her a reassuring smile when she looks back at me. She seems to be deciding whether she wants to or not, before standing up, her arms folding over her stomach.

"I think I want that. You don't mind?"

I smile at her again. "No, of course not. Sometimes I prefer being by myself when I don't feel good."

She nods, and I stand up to hug her, just gently in case she doesn't want to be hugged. She leans into it, though, her arms round my torso, and I don't want to let go.

I let her decide how long she wants to hold onto me, and when her arms fall away, I walk towards the door, my hand on its handle.

"Sometimes I feel really lost, in my mind."

I turn round back to Faye, who's said that without looking at me.

"Lost?" I say in the most gentle way I can, because I feel a little like I'm in the presence of a baby animal who will get spooked from any loud noise or movement. I want her to feel comfortable talking to me about this, but if my tone comes out wrong, she might stop talking.