First Light

56 the haynes'

Saturday 16th of April 2022

Faye:

In the shower, I count the bruises on my arms and legs that have appeared without me realising. The hair that I pull from my brush is less than it usually is, so I take that as a good sign. I have been eating more recently, or trying to at least.

Today is the day that I meet Marlo's dad and sister Laila. The Haynes'. To say I'm nervous is an understatement.

Gia had face-timed me a couple days ago to help decide what to do with my hair, makeup and outfit. I feel like I'm going to a very important job interview, like if one little thing looks wrong, they'll judge me for it.

Marlo's tried to assure me that they won't care, but it doesn't stop me from getting ready 3 hours earlier than I need to just to sit and stare at my reflection and wonder if I look out of place. My hair is down like it is most of the time, and I pull one of the curls until it's stretched straight and then let go, letting it bounce back to how it was.

The day is another sunny one, and it looks like it is too warm to wear even my thinnest jumper. I have opted for a denim skirt, just long enough to cover most of my legs, paired with a long-sleeved tshirt that is grey-blue in colour. A long white-quartz necklace rests on my chest, and that with the silver flowers hanging from my ears match the silver and white beads in my hair.

The only thing that is out of place are my nails, which are a black-chrome type of varnish. Only, I don't want to repaint them a different colour because Marlo bought me the varnish and I know it wasn't cheap. I attempt to distract myself so I don't absentmindedly pick at it.

There's a lot of fidgeting and re-checking my makeup in the remaining hours leading up to when I need to leave. I feel as though there is a phantom hand crushing my stomach and heart right now from how anxious I am. The idea of eating or drinking anything, even water, makes me feel so nauseous I might just throw up.

I leave slightly earlier than I need to, just in case. Marlo had said that they don't expect me to be on time, but my mind is currently running through a thousand ways I can be incredibly late to his house. A group of pigeons attacking me and a tree branch falling onto my head is just two of them.

My walking slows once I get off the bus - no pigeons or branches - and head in the direction of Marlo's house. He had promised me that he'll open the door so I can meet his dad and Laila at the same time. He keeps this promise.

After about 5 seconds of me waiting after ringing the doorbell, it swings open to Marlo. He must've been waiting nearby for me. He is in a white T-shirt and baggy, beige cargo trousers, and the wooden beads hanging from his neck are small and dark-brown, complimenting his skin tone perfectly.

How nice he looks only amplifies the present nervousness that is wrapping around my organs like barbed wire, and this actually makes me gulp. Marlo on the other hand, smiles at me and pulls me into his chest, holding me there for a second. I know he feels how hard my heart is beating. I feel like I might pass out.

"You look really pretty." He says to me once he lets go, smile still there.

Only the anxiety has turned my brain to mush and I can't seem to think of what to say or even do in response. Marlo picks up on this straight away, of course.

"Hey, you'll be okay, Faye. Don't worry."

Don't worry. If only he could feel how I feel right now.

He stays with me while I take my shoes off, hanging my bag up where some coats are, and I take these few seconds to take slow, careful breaths in an attempt to loosen the constricting feeling in my lungs.