First Light

42 gentle, gentle

Sunday 30th of January 2022

Faye:

Gia wants to do a Valentine's themed party at our flat, and she brings it up as we're sitting at a table in Camille's. Obviously she loves Valentine's day because she's been with Mikel since they were 14.

Jonah complains about this. "I'm literally the only single one in the group. How is this fair for me? I don't wanna sit there while you four are all lovey-dovey. You make me sick."

He makes a point of glaring at Marlo, who's got his arm around my waist.

Everyone laughs at this.

"Valentine's day isn't just about romantic love, Jonah," Gia replies. "I'm doing it because I love platonic love, too, and I think it's something that should be appreciated. Friendships are something that are very valuable in order to have a good life, don't you think?" She looks across at me as she says it, and I beam.

Jonah grumbles in fake-annoyance. "Alright, fine. I'll be there."

"It's also because I want to do a pink theme." Gia whispers to me, and I laugh.

Of course she does.

"When will this be? On actual Valentine's day?" Marlo asks, and I use this as an excuse to look at him.

"No, I was thinking the weekend before. I'm sure you have plans for Valentine's day." Gia projects a not-so-subtle wink at me.

My face heats.

Marlo laughs, which sends shivers down my back. "Possibly."

Gia has to hold back her squeal. I know she's going to want to discuss this moment in full detail with me when we get back to our flat.

"I don't have plans for Valentine's." Jonah announces.

"I think you've established that, mate,"
Marlo says to him, laughing. "And who's fault do you think that is?"

Jonah looks genuinely appalled at this, looking to Gia and Mikel to help him out. They both shrug, smiles on their faces.

Oh, no. Not now.

I feel myself slipping away again.

This is real, this is real, this is real.

"Maybe if you actually took someone seriously, you could have a relationship with them. Instead of hook-ups with women and men who are basically strangers." Marlo says.

At least I think it's Marlo.

It is Marlo.

"Oh, I'll be fine. I'm young, I have time." Jonah. His voice sounds weird, echoey.

This is real.

Marlo sighs sharply against me, his chest moving my back forward and then back. "Tell him, Faye. Tell him that he's being immature."

That's you, you're up.

"You're being immature." I tell Jonah.

Is that how my voice is meant to sound? How I would normally say it?

Everyone laughs at this.

I'm doing okay.

Jonah waves me off, shushes me.

I make my mouth turn into a smile so he knows I'm teasing. Is it too forced?

Jonah laughs at this.