MENDED

eighteen

saylor

a few days later, i'm carefully crawling out of my bed and trying my hardest to not wake alex up. i had been up for nearly two hours now, and no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't get back to sleep, even though it was barely eight a.m.

once i got out of bed, i walked to the bathroom to do my morning routine. once i was done, i quietly changed out of my worn t-shirt and into something more presentable. i then got a piece of paper and a pencil, wrote "be back in a bit," and set it on my nightstand.

i looked at alex, who was still sleeping peacefully. during the time that i had done my morning routine, changed clothes, and written the note, they had managed to cover their self. they were still laying in their usual sleeping position: on their back, with their hands in fists by their head. they were sleeping in just their boxer-briefs, so now that they were uncovered, they were shivering slightly.

i will never understand how they choose to go to sleep wearing the least amount of clothing possible, even though they know that they get cold easily during the night. they claim that it's more comfortable than sleeping with clothes on though.

i moved closer to the bed, and i pulled the covers back over them. i made sure they were completely covered, and i even tucked them in. i then leaned down, and i pressed the faintest kiss to the small scar on their forehead.

i grabbed my phone and walked out of my bedroom, then headed towards the front door. i grabbed my keys and my wallet, and i left my apartment. i made sure to lock it before i left. i then set out to go on a walk.

it's been a few days since the night that i saw arlo. since then, alex has stayed at my apartment with me. they've been so caring and patient with me over the last few days, and i really appreciate it. i still haven't told them about everything, but i'm going to. soon.

since that night, i haven't really wanted to do much of anything. me and alex have stayed in my apartment, and for the most part, i spend the day in their embrace, either sleeping or thinking about arlo. i've barely eaten much. alex has noticed and has tried to get me to eat just a little more, but i just haven't felt like it.

i don't even know how to feel about what happened that night or where to go from here. whenever i told amari about it, he said that arlo just isn't the same person that i grew up with. amari thinks that he only came back because he saw that he could use me and gain from trying to come back into my life.

deep down, i know he's right, and god, it hurts. i don't want to believe it.

amari suggested trying to move past him, because he's so far gone.

but even though arlo abandoned me, i can't find it in myself to do the same to him.

i don't want to. i can't.

over the past couple of days, i haven't been able to stop replaying arlo's words in my head.

"maybe i'll see you around soon though; hopefully."

does he plan to see me soon? if so, how?

honestly, the fact that he was even able to see me that night was a rare chance. laura has been cracking down on security recently, so we're really not supposed to leave the venue, like i did, by ourselves, even if it is just to get some fresh air or for a smoke break. we're either supposed to be with a security guard or with each other, but even then, she'd rather us have a security guard.

so, unless he has some other way to see me, that'll probably be the last time i see him.

that seriously hurts my heart to think about.