MENDED

thirty-two

alex

it's been two weeks since laura introduced us to devon. during those two weeks, we've been in the studio four times, the practice building six times, and have had three interviews. devon was there for eight of those to take pictures.

i can't stand it. i hate being around her.

surprisingly, i haven't had to talk to her. she hasn't really tried to talk to me, though i have caught her staring at me more times than i would have liked to.

though i haven't talked to her, she's been talking to the other three a lot. i think watching her talk to and laugh with saylor may be even worse than having to talk to her myself. watching the person who ruined me become friends with the person who is helping me heal, is hell.

i know saylor doesn't know, so i can't really place any blame on her.

devon definitely knows though. she knows what she's doing.

one of the days we were in the practice building, devon had walked in unannounced. saylor had been sitting in my lap, and devon saw it.

she knows what she's doing by making friends with saylor, and she's enjoying it.

"lovey," saylor caught my attention.

i hummed as i looked over at her. i had completely zoned out.

i'm not gonna lie... i've spent a majority of these past two weeks either drunk or high. i've stuck to edibles recently, especially around saylor. i've spent probably around a week at my apartment alone while saylor has stayed at her own apartment. being alone in my apartment has given me plenty of time to drink or get high.

i know i told saylor that i would try to reach out to her instead of drinking, but i can't help it. i can't reach out to her about this. i can't tell her.

"you okay?" she asked softly from across the couch.

"mhm," i hummed. i moved closer to her, and i practically tackled her onto the couch so that i could lay on her. i buried my face into her chest. "i just zoned out a lil'."

she kissed the top of my head as she wrapped her arms around me. i sighed contently as she started to run her nails across my back.

"you know, i never would've thought that you would be such a big baby," she teased lightly.

"you better not tell anyone," i grumbled lowly.

"as long as i'm the only one that gets to baby you, then i won't," she promised as she continued to run her nails up and down my back.

"you're the only one, angel," i assured as i pressed a kiss to her collarbone. "the only one, forever and always," i mumbled into her chest.

"you're so cute," she murmured. "i love you."

"for real?" i asked.

"on god," she confirmed. "no cap."

"oh, you annoying, little shit."

she laughed loudly, and she squeezed me tightly as she then giggled. "i'm just messing! i'm for real, baby. i love you so much."

i jutted my bottom lip out as i looked at her. i leaned forward to press my lips to hers, then laid my head back down. i let out another content sigh as she now slipped her hand under my shirt to scratch my back.

"can we just stay like this and never leave?" i mumbled as i completely melted in her hold.

she let out a soft laugh. "i wish, but we've got things to do."