MENDED

seventeen

alex

the next morning, i woke up to an empty bed. i rubbed at my face as i sat up and looked around. i didn't see any sign of saylor at first, but i soon smelt food coming from the kitchen, which confirmed where she was at and that she was still here.

instead of immediately getting out of bed, i stayed in it for a few moments. i dropped my face into my hands as i thought back to last night.

whenever i was waiting for saylor to get out of the shower so that i could ask her about the text, i had gotten so mad. i had genuinely thought that there was something going on between them, and it made me mad.

but after i left saylor's apartment, the anger had quickly turned into hurt. it made me sick to my stomach to imagine saylor with someone else, especially her ex. at one point, i ended up throwing up in some alley.

it made me think back to all the times that she had shown up at my window, smelling like someone else. it gave me the exact same feeling, and it made me think that saylor was going to be just like she was.

not only did it make me feel sick to my stomach, but it also felt like it physically hurt. it felt like someone had took my heart out and stomped on it. it felt like i had just been punched in the gut, over and over again.

i don't know how long i was gone from saylor's apartment. whenever i left, i didn't really even have a destination in mind. since i had just stormed out, i didn't have my car keys, so i was left to just walk around. it felt like i had been gone a while, but i'm honestly not sure.

when i got back to saylor's apartment, i had already cried quite a bit. by the time i dropped my head into her lap, i still couldn't accept the fact that she had cheated. even despite that, i was willing to still be with her. i thought that it was my fault, so i was willing to do anything to fix things between us so that she would stay with me and not cheat again.

and then i told her that i loved her.

i didn't even mean to. i was just so upset, and hurt, and it slipped. i didn't mean to say it, and i definitely wasn't planning on saying it so soon.

i still meant it though. i love her so much. it's honestly kind of overwhelming.

i threw my head back as i still thought back to last night. i couldn't help the frown that was played across my lips.

she didn't say it back.

which, to be fair, there was a lot happening. i also had somewhat immediately changed the subject, both times after i said it.

luckily, she didn't freak out over it like i thought she might. ever since i realized that i loved her, i was scared to say it, because i thought she might freak out over the fact that i said it so soon. we've only been official for almost four months.

is that too soon? probably, right?

shit, i don't know. this is my first relationship in ten years, so i'm really not sure.

i let out a deep sigh. i finally got out of the bed. i made my way to the bathroom, and i did my morning routine. i frowned as i looked in the mirror. even still, you could definitely tell that i had been crying. my face was all swollen and puffy, and i just had this look in my eyes.

i walked out of the bathroom, and i shuffled into the kitchen. as i made it in there, i stopped. my eyes widened as i looked at all of the food that saylor cooked. i know i eat a lot, but i feel like she for sure overcooked. i thought for a moment.