MENDED

twenty

alex

just a few days after mine and saylor's build-a-bear date, i'm sitting in my apartment, waiting for saylor to get here. i stayed with her the night of our date and for the entire, next morning. since then, i've gone back to my apartment to give her some space.

admittedly, i needed some too. don't get me wrong, i love saylor more than anything, but at the same time, i really value my alone time.

as i waited for saylor, i held theodore in my lap. my arms were wrapped around him as i buried my face into the top of his head.

whenever i brought theo to jessie's apartment so that she could babysit him, she got really excited, told me that she'd take care of him, and told me to have fun with saylor. they also really loved the fact that i called them "aunt jj." that had prompted them to ask "wait, so, does that make billie "aunt bil?" to which i responded "uh, yeah, i guess so. just ask her? i dunno, yeah."

miguel found out somehow, and he asked to babysit theo sometime. saylor told him "well, of course, he's gonna stay with his uncle miggy."

i really love that all of us are taking this so seriously... i don't know.

i perked up as i heard a knock on my door. i set theodore on the couch before i got up to go open the door.

"hi, darling," i greeted with a smile as i looked down at her.

"hi, lovey," she murmured as she stepped closer and brought me into a hug.

i frowned a bit. like she has since the night of our show, which was the night she saw her brother for the first time in sixteen years, as well as the night that i blew up on her, she looked so upset.

i've been trying to just let her cope how she needs to, whether that's napping in my arms, just sitting in my embrace, or spending the day alone, but despite all of this... nothing seems to actually help. even our date only cheered her up for the duration of the date.

i just don't know what to do. i've never felt so utterly helpless.

i miss my happy, smiley angel.

i placed my hand on saylor's left hip, and i held her firmly. i leaned down, and i pressed a kiss to her right cheek. i kept my lips there as i playfully added more pressure, to the point where she nearly stumbled.

"alex," she giggled as she grabbed onto me to keep herself steady.

"yeah?" i grinned with my lips still against her cheek.

"you're so annoying," she giggled again.

"but you love me," i kissed her temple, then pulled back with a cocky smirk.

"i do," she looked up at me as she bit back a smile.

my face flushed. i moved my hand to place it on her lower back so that i could lead her inside. i shut the door and locked it.

"theo!" she gushed as she spotted him on the couch. she rushed over to pick him up. i couldn't help the laugh that left my lips as i watched her.

"he missed you," i told her with a nod as i walked over to the couch.

"uh, duh," she sent me a look. i gently thumped her on the head as i sat beside her.

she sat with theo in her lap, and she held him like i had been holding him before she got here. i looked at her as she avoided my eyes. we were both silent for a while.

"i'm sorry," i blurted as my thoughts got the best of me.

her eyes widened as she met my eyes. "for what?"