MENDED

forty-one

alex

"alex, come on," saylor demanded softly.

"no," i huffed as i crossed my arms over my chest. "i don't want to."

"you said you would, baby; the appointment has already been finalized and everything," she explained.

"cancel it!"

i heard her let out a deep sigh. i paid her no mind as i stayed where i was at with my arms still crossed over my chest. i only moved when i heard axel let out a soft meow, which made me look over at him. he nuzzled into my side.

i looked over to the side again when i heard a small thud. i raised a brow at saylor. she pursed her lips. "can you at least get out from under the bed, baby?"

i let out another huff, and i looked straight up. "no!"

i heard her mutter something to herself. a few moments passed before i felt something touch my arm. i looked to the side once more to see that saylor was now laying under the bed with me. my brows knitted together slightly. i let out a small breath as i moved one of my hands so that i could hold her hand.

"you said you would go, lovey," she reminded me again, speaking softly.

"i know," i grumbled. i squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, then opened them again. "i'm just nervous. i-i don't want to go."

"i know; it's okay to be nervous," she murmured as she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "but it'll be okay. i could go with you, if you want. of course, i'd sit outside during it, but i'd wait for you."

i thought for a moment or two before i shook my head. "no, that's fine. thank you though, really. but uh... will you go there with me? like, will you take me there?"

"of course, baby," she nodded. "now, are you ready to go?"

i bit my lip. i didn't say anything for a while, but i eventually nodded. so, we moved from under the bed (which i had gotten under to hide from saylor so that i didn't have to go, but that obviously didn't work). i held axel for a bit before we left. we took an uber there. before we went inside, i took a few deep breaths, and saylor assured me that everything was going to be okay.

much sooner than i would've liked, i was walking into the office. saylor gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before i did, and i told her that i would see her later. she had a few errands to do, but she promised that she would go back to my apartment when she was done.

"alex, it's nice to finally meet you in person."

"uh, right..." i mumbled as i placed my hand in her's, which she had extended for a handshake.

"please, call me dr. reid," she gave a soft smile. she then gestured over to the couch that was in the room. "here, take a seat."

i walked over, and i took a seat on the couch. while normally, i would manspread and make myself comfortable, i instead sat straight up with my legs together and my hands in my lap. i anxiously wringed my hands.

dr. reid took her seat in the chair across from the couch, where a clipboard had been sitting. she started to jot some things down, but she stopped when she looked up at me. "relax. i know this can seem daunting, but today should be easy. i'm just gonna ask you a few questions," she explained as she spoke softly and comfortingly, though i still wasn't that comforted.

i waited patiently as she continued to write a few things down. she then crossed one leg over the other as she looked at me. she tilted her head. "so, alex, what brings you here? why did you choose to start therapy?"

i didn't look at her as i thought for a moment. i looked down at my hands, which i was still fidgeting with. "well, my, uh... my girlfriend thinks it'll help me a lot. i, apparently, have bad coping mechanisms?"

i looked up to see dr. reid raise a brow. "what are your coping mechanisms?"

i let out a deep breath. "well, um... i drink... and i smoke?" i admitted quietly, almost like a question. suddenly feeling ashamed of myself, i buried my face into my hands.

"and why do you drink and smoke?" dr. reid asked.

"it's, like, the only time i don't think of—" i started, but then quickly stopped. i pressed my lips together. i shook my head.

"this is a safe place, alex. what you say stays between us," dr. reid reminded me in a soft tone.

i was quiet for a moment. i took a few breaths. "because i don't think of... her..." i said slowly.

"your girlfriend...?" dr. reid tried to fill in the blank with slightly furrowed brows.

my eyes quickly widened, and i met her own. i shook my head. "no, god, no. my girlfriend is— she's an angel, honestly. i don't know what i would do without my girlfriend," i told her. "no, uh... the person is, uh... her name is devon."

"and what was your relationship with devon?"

my chest tightened. i avoided her eyes again, and i looked down at my hands. they were both now balled into fists. "she was, uh... my girlfriend...? when i was sixteen, and she was twenty..."

i didn't look up to see her reaction. i already knew it was bad. either way, i couldn't focus on much of anything at the moment. i was on the verge of panicking, just from telling her that small bit.

"fuck, can we, like, not talk about this today?" i asked quietly.

"of course, though we will have to come back to it eventually," she warned. "well... what do you hope to achieve during our time? i know you said your girlfriend thinks this will help you, but why are you here, and what do you want from this?"

"to get over her and what she did to me," i said in a kind of obvious tone. "and i guess to do so in a healthy way?"

she smiled, and she gave a nod as she started to write something on her clipboard.

she's already wrote a lot on it.

"well, that's what i'm here for. now, have you had any experience with therapy before this?"

"not at all," i ran my thumb along the back of my opposite hand.

with that, we continued to go on through the session. she asked me a handful of other questions, just to get a general idea about me, i guess. we then discussed her thoughts so far, as well as a schedule. she thinks it's best i see her once a week, which i reluctantly agreed to.

after my session was over, i ordered an uber, and i went back to my apartment. thankfully, saylor was already back. she perked up when she saw me come into the apartment.

"how did it go, baby?" she asked sweetly.

"fine, i guess?" i mumbled as i rubbed the back of my neck. "i have to go once a week, so that's great."

"you'll continue going?" she questioned, obviously hopeful.

"at least a few times," i sighed. i placed my hands on her waist, and i pulled her close to me. i bent down and pressed my lips against hers. "i'm gonna go take a ride around the city; will you come with me?"

i really have the urge to drink or smoke, but i won't if she's with me.

"yeah, of course, baby," she murmured.

so, for the next handful of hours, i drove around new york city while holding saylor's hand. we didn't speak much; i had music playing lowly through my sound system the entire time. even though we didn't really speak, her just being with me soothed me and calmed me down. when we were both too tired to drive around any longer, we went back to my apartment, and fell asleep in each other's embrace.

•

a/n ayooo

i don't know how i feel about this chapter

thoughts??

any predictions?

words:
1380