MENDED

thirty-eight

saylor

the next morning, i was shocked to see that alex was no longer in the bed, which meant that even with how drunk they were last night, they still woke up before me. i sat up, and i rubbed at my face. the blinds on their window were shut, which barely allowed any light through. i reached over to turn on the lamp that was on their bedside table. i looked around the room. somehow, they had managed to clean it from the complete mess it had been in last night, without waking me up.

i yawned as i got out of the bed. i walked to the bathroom to quickly do my morning routine. once i was done, i walked out of alex's room. i looked around the living room, and my brows furrowed deeply as i didn't see alex in the living room or the kitchen (both of which had also been cleaned). my confusion was short lived; i glanced at their balcony and saw them sitting outside. instead of sitting in the chair though, they were sitting on the ground, with their back against the window and their knees pulled to their chest.

i paused for a moment and debated with myself. i eventually walked over to the door, where i took a deep breath before opening it. alex had a delayed reaction; they didn't look over at me until nearly three seconds after the door opened. they gave a small nod, then looked back out across the city. they had the kitten in their lap, and they had their hand on his back. i pursed my lips, then let out a breath as i took a seat beside alex.

we were both silent for a while. i wasn't sure what to say, and alex didn't seem like they really wanted to talk at the moment. i think if it was up to them, we would never have the conversation. even last night, they seemed to regret telling me what they did.

i looked down at their hands. last night, their fingernails had nothing on them. this morning, they have black fingernail polish on them that's worn down. except, the polish doesn't look like it was fading away from time, but instead it seemed as if alex had painted them, then immediately started picking at the polish.

i'm not sure how long had passed before alex turned to look at me. they looked completely exhausted and defeated as they met my eyes. they let out a shaky breath, then avoided my eyes. they looked down at the kitten. i watched with a slight frown as they pursed their lips.

"i'm really sorry about last night," they finally spoke. they spoke quietly, obviously ashamed of their self. "i hate that you saw me like that, and i shouldn't have—"

"it's okay, alex. admittedly, i don't agree with how you handled it all, but i also understand why you did. don't beat yourself up over it, baby," i murmured.

they let out a sigh. their eyes then widened as they looked over at me. "fuck, i forgot i told you that d-devon kissed me. i swear it meant nothing to me. i've been sick to my stomach since, and i hated it, and fuck, i'm sorry i—" they started to panic.

my eyes widened too a bit. i lifted a hand, and i cupped their cheek. i started to rub it soothingly with my thumb. "hey, calm down, it's okay. i know, lovey. i know it didn't mean anything," i assured. "don't worry. i'm not mad at or upset with you."

they swallowed, and they gave a small nod. they relaxed in my hold for a moment. they clearly needed even just the small amount of comfort that my thumb rubbing their cheek was giving them. they closed their eyes for a brief moment. i was silent for a while as my eyes scanned over their face.

"do you want to talk about what else you said last night?" i questioned quietly. "about... her?" i opted for, instead of saying her name. it seemed as though alex had trouble even just saying her name out loud, so i won't say it either.

they pulled back from my hand that was cupping their face, and they looked out at the city again. they started to anxiously wring their hands in their lap; the kitten was now napping peacefully. they bit their lip.