MENDED

forty-nine

saylor

nearly a week after everything with arlo happened, me and alex are in my apartment. my bed is made, but we're on top of it. alex is sitting up with their back against the headboard while they played their guitar and sang various songs, while my head had been laying on their legs. i had only been half listening to them as they sang.

two days after arlo leaked mine and alex's relationship to the tabloids, i had went to the gas station he works at; i knew he was scheduled to work that day. even though alex had warned me to stay away from arlo, i couldn't help it. i needed answers as to why and how he could do that to me.

but... when i got to the gas station, he wasn't there. when i asked about him, i was told that he had abruptly quit. they said that they haven't been able to contact him since.

i had managed to stay put together... until i got home. i had barely made it through the door before i completely broke down. alex had quickly come over; they held me close to them as they tried their best to comfort me. regardless of how they held me or what they told me, nothing helped. all i could do was sob in their arms for what felt like hours.

i don't think i've ever felt so betrayed, hurt, and confused all at once.

since then, i've pretty much just stayed at my apartment with alex. similar to after i saw arlo for the first time again, i haven't felt like doing much; i just want to lay around with alex and not think about it all.

i turned my head to alex. they were still singing and playing their guitar. they had been singing songs from our album, songs from other artists, and even some of their own that they haven't produced yet.

speaking of our album... it comes out tonight. we have a release party for it that we, obviously, have to go to. i'm excited for our album to come out, but at the same time... i'm dreading having to leave my apartment to go to the party.

i gave a soft smile as alex now sang sailor song by gigi perez. not only could we not avoid the song pretty much any time we opened tiktok, but we had also both been playing it pretty frequently; it was a catchy song and a good one at that.

i love when they cover songs that i like. i wish they could cover every song i've ever liked; i would only listen to their version over the original.

they met my eyes as they got the the chorus. "oh, won't you kiss me on the mouth and love me like a sailor? and when you get a taste, can you tell me what's my flavor? i don't believe in god, but i believe that you're my savior," a smile made its way to their lips as they sang that line.

i sighed in content as i listened to them sing. despite feeling like everything else was falling apart, i felt okay with them. being with them like this makes me feel at peace, if only for a little bit.

"she took my fingers to her mouth, the kind of thing that makes you proud that nothing else had ever worked out, worked out," they let out a soft sigh of their own at that line, but there was a small smile played on their lips.

i can't even begin to imagine how different our lives would be if our previous relationships had worked out; i don't want to imagine it on either of our accounts, especially alex's.

i can't imagine a world where we're not together, because it just feels so right. everything before was wrong; it wasn't what either of us were meant for.

when alex finished singing the song, they sat their guitar on the bed, to their side. they looked at me, and they reached a hand out to cup my face. i relaxed as their thumb rubbed back and forth. they smiled, though neither of us said anything for a while.