MY ACTOR | woosan

chapter sixty seven

it was a warm and quiet monday evening, and wooyoung was splayed out across the floor of the studio.

wooyoung hadn't seen san after their argument from the day before. he'd gone out repeatedly to go to the market, take out the trash, and for other reasons. still, he hadn't run into san even once. the guilt was eating wooyoung up from inside. he'd really crossed the line with choi san, and no matter how harsh san's words were, he should've never said that. if anything, san was the one that was level-headed throughout and he tried to keep his cool with wooyoung like he always did. even someone with his patience would lash out over wooyoung's cruel words.

every time he spoke, he made another unforgivable mistake. his intentions were to tell san that his career was more important than anything else—if it wasn't stable, then nothing else in your life would be. but the message that had gotten across was a completely different one. he'd basically indicated that he was with san to have fun, and not to commit. he'd told him that once he was gone, things would be back to the usual for the both of them. it was casual, after all.

wooyoung looked down at his palms, where his nails had left an imprint from how much he'd pressed them in. anybody in their right mind would leave wooyoung for the way he'd behaved, but he could only hope that san wasn't one of them. the very thought made him feel more guilty. how could he expect san to keep putting up with his bullshit?

"aren't you gonna go home?" hongjoong spoke, reaching his hand out to wooyoung. he bit down on his lip before taking his hand and getting back up on his feet. "what's up with you?" he asked, dusting his hands. "you seem upset."

"just life," wooyoung mumbled curtly. he picked his water bottle off the ground and headed out of the studio, and hongjoong followed suit.

a cold breeze blew past wooyoung, making him feel more isolated than he already was. he rubbed his arms as he walked down the stairs. "hey, it's cold outside," hongjoong grabbed wooyoung by his elbow, "i'll drop you back home. come with me."

wooyoung was too out of it to turn down the offer, so he quietly followed. the events from the previous afternoon plagued his mind, so much to the point that it was all he thought about. every time he tried to speak, he could feel a lump forming in his throat. he could only hope no one brought up san's name. hongjoong held the door open for him and wooyoung slid into the passenger's seat. it was even colder inside.

he silently glanced out the window, leaning his head against it as the car started to move. "wooyoung." hongjoong called without taking his eyes off the road.

"mhm?" wooyoung answered. he wasn't really in the mood for conversations. all he wanted to do was go back home and curl up under his blanket.

"the article about choi san... the person in the picture was you, right?"

as soon as the words came out of his mouth, wooyoung felt his heart drop. he looked at hongjoong with his eyes widened. hongjoong looked back at him, before smiling and facing the road once more. "so i was right."

"...how did you know?" he asked, voice falling down to a whisper. he'd hoped san wouldn't be the focus of any conversation he had for the day, but as always, nothing ever happened in his favor.

"i went out to get some fresh air, and i saw the both of you in the queue. i was a little offended you didn't call us along," he said, pouting playfully. wooyoung was really in no mood to laugh, but he used his leftover energy to let out a forced chuckle. "so how long has this been going on?"

"not long," wooyoung mumbled. "it doesn't really matter, because it's over now."

hongjoong raised his eyebrows. "over? what do you mean? did you guys fight, or something?"

wooyoung shook his head. "it's more than that," he said, looking down at his lap. "i don't wanna talk about it."

though he probably had a lot of questions about their peculiar relationship, hongjoong stayed quiet. he'd read the room and deduced that wooyoung really just wanted to be alone. the ride back to the apartments was a quiet one, and wooyoung was relieved.

"call me if you ever feel like talking," hongjoong said to wooyoung as he got down from the car. wooyoung gave him a nod and hongjoong smiled at him one last time before driving off. wooyoung had been looking forward to going home more than he usually did. he hoped for a coincidence so him and san could cross paths once more, and he would be able to apologize to him. it was a selfish thing to wish for. the more he realized about himself, the more wooyoung pitied san.

he'd put up with all of wooyoung's antics for way too long. from the very start, wooyoung had said hurtful things to him. still, san grew to fall in love with him, and even then, wooyoung took his feelings for granted and hurt him even more. he always thought he deserved it because of his status; celebrities often never cared about things like this, anyway. but it turned out, wooyoung had a bias, and he was wrong. his words did hold weight. all the cruel things he'd said to san would eventually come back to bite him in the ass. 

it was a cold, lonely and chilly night, almost like his mood controlled the weather. wooyoung stepped into the elevator, staring at the top of his shoes as he hoped for a miracle. if only choi san was standing there when the doors opened. he crossed his fingers behind his back but alas, he wasn't there. wooyoung stared at the empty space and sighed before stepping out.

with his head still hanging low, he dragged his feet behind him as he walked towards his apartment. for the whole day, he'd been moving around like a corpse that came to life. all he could look forward to was going to sleep. it was almost like san's mood controlled his. he lifted his head to open his door, but something in the corner of his eye managed to grasp his attention.

wooyoung knitted his eyebrows as he stared at the door to san's apartment. it was slightly open. had something happened to him? he approached the apartment, hand on the doorknob.

 "san?" he called out, but there was nothing. just pin drop silence. though it was a rude thing to do, especially after their quarrel, wooyoung was still worried. he pushed the door open and peeked in, only to be greeted by pitch black darkness. an uneasy feeling swirled inside of him and he felt around on the wall for a light switch. the apartment was finally lit up, except, there was nothing for him to see.

wooyoung stared at the space that had been emptied out, and he felt a pang in his chest. san had always been a minimal person, but there was truly nothing there. no couch, no carpets, nothing on the kitchen counter.

it couldn't be.

 to confirm his doubts, wooyoung ran to the bedroom and threw the door open.

nothing.

in a hurry, he fetched his phone from his pocket and quickly dialed ms. kim, the landlord.

"what!" she exclaimed into the phone, her voice raspy. "i'm trying to sleep, for god's sa—"

"ms. kim, where did choi san go? did you move him to another apartment, or is there some maintenance going at his place?"

"choi san?" she asked, and after a moment of silence, she spoke. "he emptied his apartment today. didn't he tell you? he's heading back."