Jilted

A thought of thoughts

It doesn't hurt as much anymore. All the pain I felt recently, it's like a phantom pain. But it's bearable now. I think it is at least.

Would it be crazy if I told you he came back? Or that he wanted to? That he apologized? That he felt bad...

It'd probably be crazier to say that a small part of me believes him. But I won't take him back. I cannot...

Not when I will remain a secret from his family. Not when I know I'll burden him.

But sometimes I can't help but thinking how much happier I know I'll be. He was my best friend. Is my best friend. We've agreed to remain friends for now. But it's not the same. It will never be the same.

I want to take him back. I do. To see him again. To hug him. But I cannot. It is wrong. He doesn't deserve it.

Yes the relationship was amazing but the way he ended things. The way he disregard my feelings just to make it easier for him. What type of person does it?

Someone who's supposed to love you wouldn't dream of hurting you that way. And he did it so easily.

It's very hard for me to hate him. No matter what, he was a good guy too me. In the relationship I had no complaints besides him not telling his parents. You can understand why it's so difficult for me to let go and want to take him back.

The betrayal is so terrible. Maybe if he cheated it would be easier.

I don't even think he wants me back really. Well, he doesn't. He said he just wants someone to fuck. Crazy part is, I don't mind it. I want someone to fuck now too.
I just don't think it can be with him.

Knowing that I love him. Knowing that as soon as our bodies become one all the hate I feel towards him will vanish. And he will leave me once we're done and go on with his day. And I'm just there, allowing him to use me.

I don't think I'm that pathetic.

I just wish he'd never done it in the first place. Betray me. We could have just worked it out. He hasn't said anything else about getting back together in a couple of days.

Thank goodness. I'm scared I might give in. But I'll try my best not to. Even if I do we wouldn't be the same. His betrayal will always linger in the back of my mind. I'll hate him for it. And I'll try to make him suffer like I did.

Not until I fully heal do I think I'd be ready to try anything else with him. He'd have to really show that he meant it. And I just don't think he cares that much. What guy in this era does?

Should I just be lucky that someone even wants me?