Jilted

A thought that takes you nowhere

Have you ever liked someone and hated them at the same time?

For example, there are moments when I adore this person. I agree with their morals, they are a joy to talk to, always understanding, kind, and funny. All the good things about a person.
Except, there are times when they're just so annoying. I would like to get away from them for just a day or two.

Sometimes they act so stupid and complain about the decisions they make when they're the ones who made the choice. Depends on everyone but themselves. Want to be in relationships but don't have enough self-respect to be in one? You can't complain about a man that doesn't want to talk to you and yet you keep going back over and over because you don't want to be alone.

And there is nothing wrong with not wanting to be alone. No one wants that. But it doesn't make sense to have someone around who doesn't care enough to be around you know?

It's really sad for me to see this person who is so thoughtful, intelligent, and kind and yet stupid and self-destructive. How do you get someone to see what they're doing isn't healthy? How do you break them out of that pattern?

If they didn't share their thoughts with me or with anyone, you'd probably think they were completely happy. The way they talk about the things going on in their life as if it's healthy.

It's not okay that they make fun of you just for jokes. It's not okay that you have to question if you were assaulted or if it was just a small misunderstanding. Not okay that they abandoned you when you needed them most. Not okay that you keep forgiving people who don't deserve it. It's not okay that you're so desperate to have someone there that you settle for being treated like shit.

And it's not okay that I am this self-aware of everything I am doing but just don't have any motivation to fix it.