Grow To Love You

Chapter 26: Lost

The cool night breeze brushed against my skin as I gazed out at the darkness above, only the moon reflecting a small amount of light down into the town I call home. Drake had left over an hour ago after stripping the wallpaper of the basement and kissing me goodnight.
He thinks I'm asleep right now. I'm not. I'm more awake than I had ever been. Crazy since it was way past midnight and judging how sick I was. Although, I was actually feel a little better. My nose still blocked though but my throat wasn't as sore and when I coughed the force had lowered, meaning my throat and chest weren't getting ripped apart by what felt like a reckless, angry monster trying to break free out of my body.
It's so peacefully, sat out on the small balcony off my room. My bare feet on the dangerously low railing as I sat back in the cushioned lounger. A bottle of vodka, almost full, stood on the glass table next to me. No one knows my secret, I keep it hidden away; Hidden away from anyone nosy. It makes me feel untouchable, alive but numb at the same time. My favourite part is that I am allowed but I still keep it hidden away as if I was a 15 year old girl, looking for some confidence or maybe a way to escape. My reason was just because...well...I don't know how I'm supposed to finish that any more. My first reason was to numb the pain, to get away from it all. My second was the thrill of taking the risk of getting caught...but now...nothing. I can't think of any reason at all. Yes, there are the normal perks but I can't think of any reason for why I do this now, so much, alone. What am I becoming? Please don't say...no! I can't be! It's not all the time, only on nights and not even all nights...just some. Like this night. This night. The night I lose my virginity. This night. Tonight. I'm ready. I know I am. Or maybe...maybe it's just the alcohol? Or maybe it's because I haven't pleased my self in a while? Or maybe it's because I just wanna see him? Or maybe it's because I'm curious?
Or maybe it's because...I'm lonely.
By now, half the bottle was left. I slid my feet of the balcony and stood, swaying a little. I'm not drunk. Snatching the bottle off the glass table, I stumbled back into my room and hid the bottle away. I'm not drunk. I struggled changing into something more...attractive. I'm not drunk. In my matching red lace underwear, I eventually made my way to Drake's room. I'm not drunk. There he lay, looking as God like as he is. I'm not drunk. I skipped over to his bed and slipped in, almost falling doing so. I'm not drunk. I laid my head on the pillow and let my hand travel down his body. I'm not drunk. My hand slipped under the band of his boxers and went looking for what I wanted. I'm not drunk. It wasn't difficult to find, it's not like he's small. I'm not drunk. I wrapped my hand around him. I'm not drunk. Moaning quietly, I began to move my hand. I'm not drunk. I continued. I'm not drunk. He started to stir. I'm not drunk.
I woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. Sitting up I realised I was in my own room. I was drunk. I groaned, hoping I hadn't do any crazy shit last night. All I could remember was sitting out on the balcony but then going into Drake's room for some reason. I rubbed my forehead as I laid back down. Fuck! I better get up and find out if I did any crazy shit. Climbing out of bed, I made my way to my bathroom to hopefully freshen up and get this awful taste off my tongue. Looking in the mirror I didn't look to bad apart from my hair which looked like a village of birds could happily live in there. Groaning again, I started my shower but quickly changed my mind to a bath.
I lowered my self into the warm bubbly tub and instantly my body relaxed. Damn it feels good. I laid peacefully for a good 15-20 minutes before I started dozing off and decided I should sort out my hair before I fall asleep. Once I had finished in the bathroom and had gotten dressed, it was 11:36. Shit, I slept late. I grabbed my empty mug and headed downstairs, hoping I wouldn't bump into Aubrey just yet. Once I got down to the kitchen, I placed my pink mug on the wash rack and took a deep breath. Everything will be fine. I reassure myself before setting off down to the basement where Drake would most probably be.
The old door creaked as I pushed it open to poke my head in. I saw a figure in the corner, crouched down, looking as if he was painted. I coughed. He turned around, placing the brush on a sheet laid down.
"Hey baby girl, how you feeling today?" Drake asked, approaching me from the other side off the room. I shuffled in and shut the door.
"I'm ok," I replied, leaning against the door. "Still a little ill but feeling better," I smiled at him.
"Aw good, glad you're feeling better. I told you didn't I?" I raised his eyebrow at me as he placed his hands on my hips.
"Yeah, still got a blocked nose but my cough and throat isn't as bad," I informed him.
"Good, since you're getting better, would you like to help me?" He asked.
"Yeah," I agreed to helping him and he went on telling me what to do and how to do it. "Aubrey, I know how to paint a damn wall," I told him as I crossed my arms.
"Chill, I was just telling you," He cupped my face and kissed my forehead. "Let's get started," He pulled away from my and returned to the wall he was painting. I picked up the roller and dabbed it in the black paint.
"Won't this make the room really dark?" I questioned.
"Well, since there is very little light in here anyway, even if we were to paint it all white it still would be quite dark in here. So I thought, what the hell and just went for a dark colour," Drake answered, not looking away from the wall he was painting.
"Oh ok, what's the theme?" I asked as I put some more paint on the roller.
"Cityscape, I'm going to paper that wall there," He pointed to the only wall with nothing on it, no door or window. Two walls opposite each other had doors on them, one way out the basement and the other...I'm not too sure of. "It's going to be black and silver cityscape, I think you'll love it," He beamed at me as he turned his head toward me.
"Sounds good," I turned back to my wall and continued painting. We finished painting the walls about 10 minutes later since Drake had already finished one. "What's in there?" I asked curiously, pointing to the other door.
"Oh, that is the bathroom, I haven't been in there yet because I wanna do this room first then I can move down and do the bathroom," He informed me. I wandered over to the door and pulled on the handle. It creaked open, presenting a dark, dusty, old bathroom. A cloud of dust emitted for the bathroom, catching in my throat causing me to break out into a heavy cough. "You alright there?" Aubrey asked me as he rubbed my back. I nodded whilst coughing until I could breath.
"Yeah, I'm good," I responded.
"Good," He pulled away from me and began wandering into the dusty bathroom. He turned the taps and with a loud glugging noise, a dribble of water came through. Drake twisted it some more but still only got a dribble. "That's not good," He muttered. He tapped the side of the running tap. An explosion of water spurted out the tap and splash out the sink all over Aubrey. I burst into laughed as he dove foreword to shut off the tap.
"Good job, Bob the Builder," I giggled. His wet shirt clung to his body, defining every muscle. Biting my lip, I took in his body through his now very transparent shirt.
"Like what you see?" He asked cheekily as he stepped toward me.
"Maybe," I smirked. He licked his lips before wrapping his arms around me, soaking me in the process. "Aubrey! You're getting me all wet!" I screamed as I struggled out off his grasp.
"Just what I wanted," I could tell he was grinning.
"Ew, you freak," I responded as I managed to break free. "Look, now my shirts all wet," I pouted as I pulled the hem of my shirt out.
"Nice bra," He winked at me.
"Oh shut up, you perv!" I frowned and turned away.
"Aw, I'm sorry, please forgive me babe," He wrapped his arms around me but I didn't feel his wet shirt. He kissed my neck and I couldn't help but tilt my head to give him more room. I placed my hands over his around my waist. Keeping in my moans were getting harder and harder as he continued to kiss my spot.
"Aubrey," I moaned quietly. Instantly, I started to feel drake getting harder through his shorts, pressing himself into my ass. I slowly grinding my ass on him causing him to groan and become more aroused.
"Uh...Nika," He grunted. I could feel I was turning him on a lot.
"I want you," I muttered.
"What?" Drake quickly stopped kissing my neck and spun me around. "You talking about sex?" He questioned. I bit my lip and nodded innocently.
"Nic, not now, I want it to be special," He placed his hands on my arms and looked deep into my eyes.
"Oh ok, never mind, just forget I said anything," I whispered. I looked down and turned to walk out the room.
"Onika, are you ok?" I heard Aubrey ask me just as I stepped away.
"I'm fine," I didn't bother turning to him.
"Come back, I have something to ask you," He told me. I sighed and turned back to him. "What were you doing last night?" He asked a bit nervously. Oh shit! Here it comes.
"What you on about?" I asked furrowing my brow, looking confused. I was absolutely shitting myself. I have no idea of what happened last night! This is not gonna go well.
"You know...when you came into my room last night," He rubbed the back of his neck. Quick Onika, think!
"Oh...erm...I just felt lonely," I bit my lip, hoping it was believable.
"Ok, but that doesn't explain as to why I woke up with...uh...your hand...you know...down my shorts," Fuck! What the fuck did I do! Why the fuck would I do that?! I seriously gotta stop, it's gone way to far now!
"Um...I-I...I don't know," I bit my lip. Tears brimmed my eyes. The embarrassment was to much for my too handle. "I'm sorry," I choked before running out the room.
"Nic!" I heard him call after me. I kept running. I didn't know whether to run out the house or to my room. Giving up on deciding where would be best, I just took the stairs to my room and locked myself in my bathroom. The tears rushed down my face as I lowered myself into the chair. I've done it this time. I had some close shaves before but nothing where I actually did something people ask me about. Fuck sake! I'm such a mess! What the fuck is wrong with me? "Nic?" I heard Drake's voice call through the bathroom door with a small knock. "Onika?" He called again after I didn't reply for a minute. I ignored him and started to run a bath. The tears rolled down my cheeks. I don't even know what I'm crying for. I feel so...I don't know. I don't know what is going on with me. Sometimes I feel ok, but just ok. Not happy, just fine. Then other times, I just can't help but break down. I feel as if I'm not actually here sometimes. Like I'm out of control of what I do and I'm just passing through life. As if I'm watching my life pass by like watching out the window of a moving car. "Onika, could I come in? We don't have to talk, I just want to be here for you," Drake snapped me out of my thoughts. "I know you're in a dark place right now, I just don't want you to be alone," He sighed. I could hear worry in his voice. Opening the door, I let him in and locked the door behind him. He sat down on the chair and watched me as I added some bath scents and shut off the water. At this moment in my life, I felt so lost and didn't care about anything. I felt as if my body wasn't mine. I don't know. It just feels weird but not feeling at all? I stripped. I really didn't care. My mind wasn't there. I could think or process anything. Aubrey was trying to look anywhere but me. I laid my body in the vanilla scented bath and shit my eyes.
"Nik-" Drake started.
"Please...don't talk," I whispered, cutting him off. I heard him sigh. The water surrounded me and I slowly drifted off.