Grow To Love You

Chapter 34: Hospital

"How is she?" I asked as a nurse came by.
"She seems to be doing fine at the moment. She's stable but sleeping at the moment. I'm not sure when she will wake up but should be soon," The nurse told us as she came out of Onika's room.
"Thanks," My mother and I stood up and headed toward the door. I pushed it open and saw Onika laid asleep, hooked up to machines. She looked so pale and lifeless, her face had no colour, no emotion. I took a seat by the bed and slid my hand into Onikas. Her hand felt cold and fragile. Just how she looked.
"She doesn't look well," My mother spoke quietly from the chair across the room.
"No," I squeezed my eyes shut before my tears began to fall. "I just wish she would take better care of herself or at least let us know how she's feeling and let us help," A tear fell from my eye and I quickly wiped it away with the back of my free hand.
"I wish you'd have told me Aubrey," My mother shook her head.
"Please...not now," I begged. We sat in silence. The only sound was the beeping from the machines. We'd been here quite a while now, due to the doctor stabilising Onika.
"It's getting late," My mother spoke after a few hours. I just nodded, my hand still wrapped around Onikas. "I think I'll head home, make sure to call if something happens. I'll come back tomorrow morning," My mother stood up and I nodded again before she left the room. I sighed before turning toward Onikas body. She still looked just as pale and lifeless as she was when we walked in. She looked as if she shouldn't be alive.
"I love you so much, I just wish you'd let me help you and not keep it all to yourself...I don't wanna see you like this anymore," I cupped her hand in own two and placed my lips against her now warm hand. "I don't wanna lose you," I squeezed her hand lightly before setting our hands back down. I laid my head back and slowly shut my eyes to sleep.
I woke up a couple hours later at 1:36 am. Onika was still asleep but had moved a little as the cover had reached up from her chest up to her chin. I pulled my hand out of Onikas before leaving the room to get a glass of water. As I stood to leave, I heard a small voice behind me.
"Aubrey," Her small fragile voice called.
"Onika," I turned to face her. She lay as she were asleep, only this time her eyes were open. "How are you feeling?" I asked as I sat back down and took her hand in my own again. She just shrugged. "Do you wanna sit up?" I asked her. She nodded in reply. I stood up and helped her lean forward as I moved the pillows up for her to lean against. She pushed her self back but winced before stopping. Slowly, she pushed the covers off of her and pulled the hospital gown up high her legs.
"Onika..." I spoke as she inspected her legs. A cast covered her left leg from her toes to under her knee. I knew she wasn't wincing from that pain.
"Aubrey?" She placed a hand on her stomach before looking at me.
"I'm sorry, baby," I placed a kissed on her forehead. "The baby has gone," I spoke sadly. I was sad because I knew Onika would probably be upset by this but a part of me was glad that she won't have the memory and our first child could now be both of ours.
"Oh," She pulled the covers back over her body, up to her chest and focused on the TV which was quietly playing in the background. Her face contained no emotion as the TV reflected on her lifeless eyes.
"Do you want to know what to the doctor said?" I asked. She shook her lightly before pushing her hair out of her face, using her hand free of the IV. "Ok, well I'll just let you know that she said she wants to keep you in for observation for at least a couple nights," I informed her. She nodded slightly, not taking her eyes off of the TV. "Would you like something to eat?" She shook her head. She hasn't eaten for at least a couple days now, she must be hungry. "Nika, you gotta eat something, you haven't eaten anything," I gently rubbed her hand as I tried convincing her to eat something. She shook her head again. "Well I'm going to go get some food,I won't be long," I kissed her forehead before standing up to leave. Once I got out her room, I asked the nurse for some food. There was a choice of sandwiches or toast, so I got her some buttered toast, a small snicker, a small pack of grapes and I cup of water. I myself only got a cheese and ham sandwich with a bottle of sprite.
Onika refused to eat. From the moment I walked in with the tray of food, she told me she wasn't hungry. She took the water and sipped until it had gone.
"Please just eat a little Onika, you need to get your strength. Just have a slice of toast," I picked up the plate but she shook her head before laying down and turning on her side, her back toward me. I sighed and set the plate down before eating the rest of my sandwich. Not a long while later, I had Onika sniffling. I looked over to her and realised her body was shaking slightly. Putting my plate down, I laid on the bed behind Onika and wrapped my arm around her waist, bringing her closer to me. "Talk to me, Onika," I whispered in her ear. She took a while to respond but did eventually.
"What's wrong with me?" She asked, still crying.
"Well, the doctor said that your ankle is bro-"
"No," She cut me off before turning over to me. "What wrong with me?" She asked again. I looked down in to her eyes. They were full of sadness, tears streaming down her red face.
"You're going to be just fine, Onika," I tried to reassure her.
"Answer the question!" She screamed as even more tears rushed down her face. She was broken. she'd hit rock bottom and had no idea which way was up or how she got there.
"I don't know," I sighed. "You're just so emotionally right now, you take things too hard and don't deal with it in good way," Her expression had calmed but she still had tears pouring from her eyes. She looked at me in a way to tell me to keep going. To tell her everything. "The doctor I took you to...he thinks that you have developed a...um...mental illness," I bit my lip and awaited her response.
"What?" She asked softly.
"A mental illness," I repeated.
"No, what kind?" She asked.
"Depression," I answered.
"Oh," She brought her hand, covered in small cuts, and wiped her tears away but were quickly replaced. "Why?" Her voice was soft, you would never have thought she was crying.
"Uh...I'm not sure, but maybe from how you are upset most the time, not really motivated as you were before, how quiet you've become, how you've taken up drugs and drinking alcohol, maybe how when you get hurt like this you seem unfazed by it...I'm really not sure," I hated talking about her like this. It was like talking about a totally different person. "I think maybe from how much you've changed due to everything that has happened, don't go on what I say, I really don't know what I'm talking about...it's just a guess," I felt her arm wrap around my waist and her head bury into my chest.
"I'm sorry," She wept. Now as she spoke it sounded as if she were crying. She was, I could feel her tears seep through my shirt. "I'm so sorry! I'm such an awful person! I shouldn't be here!" She cried hard into my shirt. I pulled her close, careful of the wires.
"Don't say that, you are not awful at all and you most definitely should be here, don't you ever think that you shouldn't," She continued crying as she tried to speak to me.
"No, I can't stop thinking it. It's always in my head. No matter what you say can't change what I think! I'm sorry!" It hurt hearing her say that but she was hurting way more than I was. She was just being truthful and sometimes, the truth hurts.
"I just want to help you get out of this. I just wanna help you get rid of this, I hate seeing you like this," By now, we were both crying. The only difference was, was that i was trying to stay strong and not cry but Onika was in too much pain to stop her self crying and to try be strong.
"You don't get it...this won't go away just like that...I'm no expert either but I know how I'm feeling, this will never go away as long as I am here," She spoke a little more clearly now.
"It will go away, I am here to help and you'll be back to your normal self in no time," I truly believe that I can help her and get rid of this illness. Every illness has a cure right?
"You don't understand," She took her arm from around me and turned away from me. This is so frustrating. I wish she could just let me help her instead of just letting herself drown in pain.
"Onika, I just want to help," I sighed.
"I don't want your help," She answered faintly.
"But you need help," I tried persuading her to let me help her.
"Maybe I do, but you don't understand what I'm feeling or going through...you can't provide the help I need," I don't care what she says, I'm going to help her. I love her for fuck sake! I'm not just gonna have her be sad whilst I know I could help her and the only reason I didn't is because she said she didn't want it. Some people need help, even if they don't realise it. "Could you leave please? I want to be alone," She asked quietly. No matter how much I wanted to stay and hold her to try help her, I had to respect her wishes. No harm can be done if she's left alone here.
I stood up from the bed and grabbed my phone. "Take everything," She spoke without even looking at me. I grabbed my jacket before leaving her room to go sit outside.
Maybe she's right. I don't understand why she doesn't want help and why she thinks she can't get better. So maybe I don't understand what she's going through. I wish I did. I wish I understood and knew how to help her. It hurts so much seeing her like this.
I switch my phone on and decided to call my mother, not realising the time.
"Aubrey? Is everything ok?" I heard my mothers tired voice as she answered the phone. Only then did I realise the time.
"Oh sorry ma, I didn't realise the time. Everything's ok I guess. Nicki woke up but wanted to be alone for a bit so I'm just sat in the corridor," I explained to her. I didn't want to worry her by telling her everything about Nicki.
"Ok, make sure she's ok though and make sure she eats something," My mother told me.
"I know, I will, I got her some toast but she said she wasn't hungry, I tried to get her to eat but maybe with the medication and stuff they give her she can't eat. I'll make sure she eats something before you come, don't worry," I tried to reassure her.
"Ok Aubrey, make sure she does,"
"I will, I promise you," I promised.
"Ok well I'm really tired so I'm gonna go back to sleep now," My mother informed me.
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow,"
"Night Aubrey," With that, I hung up the phone and slid it in to my pocket before drifting off to sleep, hoping my neck won't cramp up by the time I wake up.
"Sir, excuse me," I heard a woman's voice and I quickly woke up.
"Yeah, what's going on?" I asked as I saw a doctor rush into Onikas room. I could here a long beep. No. "What's going on?!" I stood up and went toward Onikas room but the nurse stopped me.
"Sir please calm down," She held my arms as she tried to move me away from the door.
"What's going on?! What's that noise!?" I knew what that noise was. I was just hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.
"Sir, she tried to leave a few minutes ago, she took of the wires and IV, she's ok though, they're getting her hooked back up, she'll be ok," As soon as she told me what was going on, I let out I sigh of relief.
"Ok," I sat down and tried to calm myself. My heart was racing and my hands had gotten sweaty. The beep turning into a heart beep soon after and the doctor came out a few minutes later. "What happened?" I asked her.
"Well, she took everything off, causing an alert. Once we got here, she was on the floor trying to get up. She wanted to leave an probably still does now. She's ok though, we gave her something to help her rest so she does try anything again," The doctor explained.
"Ok thank you," I pushed open Onikas door and saw her laid on the bed hooked up to the machines. Her eyes were struggling to stay open as I made my way across the room.
"What-what are you doing h-here," She spoke tiredly.
"I just want you to stay safe, just go to sleep," I replied before sitting on the couch opposite her bed. I watched her as she closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep before I laid back on the sofa and closed my eyes.
A few hours later, I woke up to the sun streaming through the gaps in the blinds, lighting up the whole room. Onika was still laid asleep, hooked up to the machines. She looked so peaceful as she slept. She still looked quiet unhealthy but she should be getting better. If only she would eat something. I pulled my phone out and looked at the time, 8:52 am. Deciding to get some food, I stood up and left the room to get some breakfast. As I was getting a bottle of juice, my phone began to ring, it was my mother.
"Morning," I greeted.
"Morning Aubrey, how is she?" She asked.
"She asleep right now, but seems to be doing ok," I replied.
"Ok, has she eaten anything?"
"Not yet, I'm gonn get her to eat when she wakes up, I'm just getting some food now," I told her.
"Ok, well I'm come down soon," My mother told me.
"Ok, see you in a bit,"
"Bye Aubrey," I put my phone back in my pocket and picked up the two plates of food and drinks. Once I got back to the room, Nicki was still asleep. I took a seat next to her and began eating whilst watching the TV.
"Drake," I heard a small voice. I turned to the bed and Nicki lay awake staring at me.
"Good morning Baby," I went to kiss her cheek but she moved her head. I shook it off and sat down. "I got you some food," I told her as I pointed at the plate.
"I'm not hungry," She replied as I expected.
"Onika, you need to eat something, the sooner you start eating, the sooner we can go home," I tried persuading as I put the plate on her lap.
"That hurts," She winced. I forgot about the cuts.
"Sorry, I forgot," I took the plate and put it in the table that goes over the bed before pushing it up to her. "We can go home if you eat," She stared at me before hesitantly picking up a slice of toast. Taking a small bite, she set the toast down and took a sip of her drink before continuing to eat. After about 15 minutes, she'd finished her toast and had ask for a sick bowl in case she threw up. "How you feeling?" I asked her. I got I shrug in response. A few minutes later she grabbed the bowl and began throwing up in it. I pulled her hair back to stop it from getting in the way, whilst running her back. She set the bowl down and I get some wipes to clean up her face. She had tears streaming down her cheeks, a little puke on her mouth and an awful breath. Once I cleaned her face, I handed her a bowl, toothbrush and toothpaste so she could clean her teeth and get rid of the taste. Once she was done, she laid back and turned away from me. This is going to be so hard, but she's worth it.

Hey. I just wanna say that in no way am I romanticising mental illness. I suffer from a mental illness myself and I'm really just saying how it is from my point of view. It's not something that just comes and goes or is easily fixed by a person coming into your life. I hope you guys understand and keep commenting! ☺️