Grow To Love You

Chapter 29: Dirty Cheat

I carefully slid out of Aubrey's bed as he slept. Quickly, I went up stairs and pulled on a dress before running out to my car. I know it's bad if me to be sneaking behind everyone's back, especially Drake. It just gives me a little break to be free and just let my self relax and get away from everything. As always, I jumped out my car and knocked on the door.
"Hey baby, was wondering when you'd get here," Jay licked his lips as he scanned my body.
"Been needing this all day," I told him as I walked in, him checking my ass out as I walked to the lounge.
"Well, you know I can do what you want," He winked as we sat down.
"Where is everyone?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little nervous that it was only me and Jay. Don't get me wrong, Jay's fine. It's just I've never been alone like this with him before.
"I told 'em it was just me and you tonight. I know you need to relax, so I thought I'd be best for us to be alone with no loud ass interrupting boys," He stared at me.
"Oh thanks," I smiled. I tried to relax as much as I could. Grabbing the bottle off the table, I took a gulp before I started rolling.
"So, what you been doing today," Jay asked as he moved closer to me.
"Drake took me to a damn therapist," I groaned.
"Why? Ain't nothing wrong with your fine ass," He bit his lip as I passed him a blunt.
"I dunno, he's just worried," I placed it between my lips and lit the end. Leaning back and let everything take effect as Jay slipped a few pills into my mouth. I swallowed them before taking another gulp.
"You gone be so fucked up," Jay chuckled.
"I don't care," I whispered as I shut my eyes. We talked for about an hour longer, just chilling and getting fucked up.
"Come on," He pulled me up by hand and lead me up the stairs. I giggled as we climbed the stairs.
"What you want papi?" I smirked as we entered his room.
"What you always want," He bit his lip before walking away. I went and laid on his bed. Closing my eyes and waiting for him to return. Soon enough I heard the bed sink and his lips on my cheek.
"Better not stay too long," I opened my eyes and he passed me the pouch of weed and pills. "Thanks," I kissed his cheek and went to sit up.
"Aye, where your ass going," He lightly pushed me back down on the bed. I felt his lips slowly work on my neck.
"Uh...Jay...stop," I moaned as he proceeded to kiss my neck before starting to caress my body. "Drake..." I whispered, trying to remind Jay that I had a boyfriend.
"Shh baby," He whispered as he went on caressing my body.
"Jay...I don't...wanna," I managed to get out. His hold on me was strong.
"Just relax," He told me.

I curled up into a ball in my bed. My tears poured down my face. I'm a dirty cheat! How could I have let this happen. I should have fought him off me. It's all my fault! I'm such an awful person. Aubrey is going to hate me! How the fuck am I gonna tell him?! How the fuck am I gonna tell my boyfriend who I was waiting to lose my virginity to that I had cheated on him and lost it to another person!? Fuck! I have to tell him. I cannot keep this from him. It will kill me to have him believe that he was my first when he wasn't. He's gonna hate me. He'll break up with me. He'll kick me out and I will be forced to live on the streets. I punched my pillow over and over before screaming into it. Reaching over I gulped down a good amount from my bottle. Fuck! I can't deal with all this at once! Why is everything happening at once?! Why?! Why me?!
"Nika," Drake interrupted my thoughts. I quickly hid the bottle and pouch before cleaning my face up.
"Yeah," My voice croaked. Shit. He came in and sat beside me on my bed.
"You feel ok going out? Like for something to eat?" He asked, slipping his hand into mine.
"Um...I don't know," I don't really wanna go out with this on my mind but then it could take it off my mind. Who am I kidding?! This will be on my mind 24/7 even in my dreams!
"Well I was thinking we could just go to Pizza Express for lunch then going shopping if you want," He suggested.
"Ok," I have nothing better to do than to sit her in self hate. Might as well eat.
"Well it's only 10:30 so how about we cuddle for a bit," He smiled. Ugh! He's so good to me! I can't believe how disgusting I am.
"Ok," He got into my bed and pulled my into his chest. "Aubrey," I looked up at him.
"Yes beautiful," He replied as he stroked my hair.
"I love you, I really do," I told him, tears brimming my eyes.
"I love you too," He gently placed his lips on mine. Shit! I haven't felt his lips in ages. I immediately kissed him back passionately. His hand tracked down my back down to my ass, were he cupped it, squeezing it slightly. Fuck! I moaned quietly as I pushed myself onto him. I could feeling him growing through his shorts, instantly making me wet at the thought of him. He began to groan as I gently rubbed myself against him. "Nika," He gasped as he pulled away. I put my head back on his chest. "Have you been drinking?" He asked. Shit! I shouldn't have been so into it. I shook my head. "Don't lie to me baby, I could taste it on your lips," He informed me. Oh, that's why. "Why baby?" He asked, holding my head to his chest. I shrugged. I knew, I knew very clearly but I wasn't going to tell him. Not now anyway. "Just talk to me if you don't feel good or just come be with me, I'm sure we can take your mind off whatever's troubling you," He offered, but he didn't realise that being with him with the problem I have wont make me feel any better, just even more guilty. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, bringing me closer to him. At least he doesn't know about the other stuff. He'd be so disappointed.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
"It's ok baby, I just don't want you to be relying on shit like that when you get upset, that's all baby," He spoke into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. Can he possibly make me feel anymore guilty?!
"Ok," I closed my eyes and fell asleep instantly.

I woke up feeling ever worse than before I went to sleep. Drake still had his arm wrapped around me, holding me securely to his chest. I didn't mind. I was quite comfy and enjoying the comfort. It was 11:42 and I hadn't eat yet today. Drake was still asleep underneath me, snoring quietly. I didn't wanna be awake doing nothing otherwise my bad thoughts will start again. So I slowly tried to get out of Drake's grasp but failing. As I moved and his grip loosened, he would tighten it and pull me closer. I sighed and began nudging him to wake him up. After a minute his eyes fluttered open.
"Hey baby girl," He smiled before pecking my lips. "Shall we get ready to go out," He suggested as he glanced at the clock. I nodded and he climbed out my bed, stretching showing off his muscles. I bit my as I rubbed my thighs. "You getting up?" He asked. I nodded before stretching under the covers. "Alright, come down when you're ready," He leaned over and kissing my forehead before leaving. I pushed my covers back and made my way into the bathroom to shower. Once I'd showered, I dried my self off and put on a pair of light jeans a white top and my red Adidas jacket. I dried my hair and left it in its natural curls to fall down my back. After putting a bit off make up on, I grabbed my phone and headed out my room down to Aubrey. He was waiting in the lounge dressed in his usual shirt, jeans and timbs. When he saw me he turned off the TV and grabbed my hand smiling before we went out. As the gentleman he is, he helped me into the car before getting in himself and driving off.
"Thought we'd just go somewhere simple but nice," He told me as we pulled up to Nandos. Thank fuck because I am proper craving chicken right now! I haven't had chicken in ages. I smiled weakly as we got out. "Aw Nic, I was gonna open your door," He smiled as he took my arm after coming over to my side.
"Sorry," I muttered as we walked toward the entrance.
"It's fine, don't apologise," He whispered as he kissed the side of my head. We entered and immediately got seated by the window over looking the pond that separated us from the road.
"You guys want anything to drink?" The waiter asked with a beaming smile, his pen and note pad ready.
"Sure, I'll just have a lemonade and Nicki?" Drake looked to me. I scanned the menu and settled on just water. The waiter went away and came back with our drinks before taking our orders. It felt strange being outside the house. It also felt quite good,I almost felt free. "So, Nika. How you feeling?" He asked as we waited for our food. Guilty, Unworthy, disgusted, terrible, like I wanna die on the spot.
"Um...ok," I replied, lying through my teeth.
"I'm glad you're starting to feel better," He took my hand across the table and held it. I flashed him a small smile, feeling so guilty. Drake talked until our food came and we started to eat. I took a bite out of the chicken. It wasn't the best chicken but it was still good enough to make me moan.
"Shit Nic," Drake laugh. "Maybe I should just get you a load of chicken to make you feel better," I giggled but immediately stopped. I'm not good enough for him.
"What's up?" He noticed I stopped abruptly. I started to pretend I was choking a little for a second before smiling back at him.
"I'm ok," We went back to eating our meals until we had finished. Once we payed, we left and went out to do some shopping.

It's been four days and I still haven't told Aubrey. It's eating me away inside. I can't believe I let that happen. I really wanna tell him but he'd hate me, plus I'd have to tell him about why I was there and he'll hate me even more. Fuck!
I slid my body under the water. Drowning would be much better than having to go through that. After a few seconds I heard my phone buzz. I resurfaced and grabbed it.
It was from him.
J-Hey, haven't heard from you in a while baby
I ignored him. If I hadn't have started getting involved with him again, I wouldn't be in this position. I do the stupidest things when I'm upset. I put my phone back and began to drain the bath. Once I had gotten dried, I put on a shirt and got into my bed, but only to have him text me again.
J-What's up baby? You ignoring me?
I shook my head, closing my eyes trying to prevent the tears from falling down my cheeks. It wasn't long until I was curled in a ball under the covers, drowning in my own tears. I needed to do something. Tears still pouring down my face, as much as I didn't want to with the memories connected, I pulled out the pouch and a new unopened bottle.

Me and Aubrey went shopping again today. We went to Pizza Express this week. I bought a few shirts and a pair of new Nikes. What Drake doesn't know, is that when I left him in Foot Locker as he was paying for the shoes, is that I didn't just go to Superdrug to get some more soothers and a new mascara. I got a test as well. Hiding it was easy as I just hid it within my new shirts. Drake never noticed. I told him I was gonna put away my stuff and come down after I'd changed. I got into my room and put my bags on the bed. Nervously, I took the box out the bag and locked myself in the bathroom. The instructions were clear on what I had to do. I bit my lip as I pulled out the test and did just as the instructions directed. To say I was nervous was a huge understatement. I was more than nervous though, I was scared, worried and sad. Once the time was up, I was hesitant in looking. I finally did.