Grow To Love You

Chapter 37: Do It

It's been a few weeks since I first met Freja. I've been going out almost every night and most that time I got back to Freja's if I haven't found a girl to shag. I'm not a lesbian or anything, I don't think I would actually go out with a girl but I like to please them. It's easy and makes me feel good. Plus there is no worry of getting pregnant. No girl has ever touch my vagina. I'm the pleaser. I go back to college in a few weeks. Hopefully I'm better by then.
Right now I was laid in bed with Anya after pleasing her. She was thick and curvy just like me but her skin was a beautiful dark colour. Her hair was platinum blonde, suited well against her skin tone. All she wore was a long plain white shirt, as I wore the same but black.
"You staying the night?" Anya asked as she wrapped her arm around me, pulling me closer.
"If you want," I smirked.
"How old you anyway?" She asked me.
"17, you?" I replied.
"Shit! With a body like yours I thought you'd be my age. Just don't tell anyone we fucked," She told me.
"Wait, how old are you?" I asked again, this time a little worried from her response to my age.
"20," She bit her lip nervously. "Maybe you should go," Maybe I should.
"Ok," I pushed my self out her bed and quickly go dressed, holding back my tears. I pulled out my phone a sent a quick text to Freja.
Nicki: I'm coming over
I pulled my bag on to my shoulders and said I quick good bye before leaving her house. As soon as I left the tears poured down my face. Why am I even crying? I messed up a little. Fuck! I reached Freja's house a snuck in, keeping quiet to not wake her parents. Pushing her bedroom door open, I saw her fat asleep in her bed. Her dark hair falling around her face. I sent my bag down, stripped to my shirt and snuck into her bed.
"Who? Wh-what?" I heard Freja speak.
"It's Nicki," I sniffed, wiping my tears away.
"You crying?" She sat up and turned on the light.
"No, I'm fine," I pulled the cover over my head to hide my face.
"What happened?" She asked, pulling the cover from my face.
"She was 20," I sighed.
"Oh...did you...you know?" She asked.
"Yeah, she asked how old I was and she freaked and said she was 20. She told me it was best I left...so I left," I sighed. "I don't even know why it upset me?!" A few tears ran down my cheeks in frustration.
"Come here babe, it's ok, just cry it out," I haven't told her anything of my mental illness. She probably just thinks I'm emotional. "Stay quiet though, best not wake my parents," She giggled causing me to giggle a little.
"Ok," I wrapped my arms around her waist and let myself drift off to sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing. I picked it up not bothering to look at the ID.
"Hello," I spoke sleepily.
"Hey, where are you?" I recognised Aubrey's voice through the phone. We're ok. I don't think he's over the whole break up thing but has managed to act friendly with me.
"At Freja's, why?" I asked sitting up, realising the bed was empty.
"You have an appointment today, want me to pick you up?" He asked.
"Sure, when is it?" I replied.
"In a couple hours, I'll text you before I come," He told me.
"Ok, I'll see you then, bye,"
"Bye," I hung up the phone and slipped out of bed.
"Freja," I nudged her. "Wake up," She woke up, stretching before replying.
"What's up?" She yawned.
"I gotta go in a few hours, let's go out for a bit," I suggested.
"Uh what time is it?" She asked getting out of bed.
"Almost 12," I replied pulling on a pair leggings from my bag and clean underwear.
"Alright, text James," She told me as she got dressed.
Nicki: What you doing?
James: Just out with mates
Nicki: Me and Freja meet you?
James: Fair, were at footy pitch near shops
"They're at footy pitch behind shops," I told Freja as we left her house.
"Fair, you got cigs?" She asked. I pulled my pack out and took out 2 and my lighter. The walk took about 10 mins and once we got there we sat down and watched the lads play footy.
"Mark!" I shouted. He looked toward me and came over.
"What's up?" He asked.
"That girl you set me up with last night? Or should I say woman?" I spoke standing up.
"Oh yeah, haha," He laughed. "You enjoyed her? Thought you'd enjoy an older woman," He winked.
"Your fucking sick! That could have got us into a lot of shit!" I stood up and backed away from him.
"Woah what's happening?" Chris asked as he came over.
"We cool," Mark grinned. Chris looked over for clarification.
"We fine," I growled. Chris had a look on his face telling me he didn't believe me but he left it. "You can leave now," I told Mark. He grinned as he walked back to the guys. I knew some of them, most just their name, I was really just hanging around with anyone I could. I wasn't bothered what fucked up shit I'd get into, I barely cared about anything anymore.
After about half an hour, I could see a group of guys come toward us. More guys to hang with.
"Which one of you is Mark?" The guy in the front asked once he approached the guys.
"Who's asking?" Mark asked.
"You Mark?" He asked walking up to him.
"Yeah, wh-" The guy suddenly punched Mark in the jaw, sending him to the ground. The other guys that had approached, started kicking and punching Mark on the ground. I could hear him groaning in pain as he curled in a ball as they beat him. As much as a dick Mark was, it was an unfair fight. I ran over and tried pulling them away. They kept pushing me away and I got a few elbows in my face and kicks to my shins but kept going.
"Nicki! Stop!" Freja yelled.
"Nicki?" The lead guy said. I wiped the blood from my nose.
"Yeah?" I asked now terrified as to why he knew my name. He approached me, stood barely a foot from me.
"You!" I flinched as he shouted. "Stay the fuck away from Anya! You lot trying to get her into shit!" He shouted at me, his finger inches from my face.
"I didn't know she was 20!" I shouted back. He shook his head and sighed.
"If you wasn't a girl, you'd be on the floor by now," He growled.
"Hit me if you really want to...go on," I dared him. I opened my arms out and stared him right in the eyes. "Or you too pussy?" I laughed. I felt a hard punch in my stomach, winding me instantly. I bent over, trying to breathe.
"Let's go," I heard him say and they all went off.
"Nicki! What the fuck was that?!" Freja screamed at me. "He could of really hurt you!" I lowered my self down to the ground and laid there for a minute whilst everyone gathered around me asking questions.
"I'm fine," I whispered.
"I'm calling Drake," Freja said as she pulled out her phone.
"No, he's coming for me in a bit, let's just go back to yours," I struggled to say as I stood up.
"Fine, see you another time guys," Everyone said their goodbyes as we left and walked back to Freja's house. "Nic, what's up with you? When I met you, you was chill now you trying to get into shit with people. What's up with that?" She asked on our way back.
"I don't want people to mess with me," I replied, still holding my stomach.
"Fair enough but tell that guy to hit you wasn't the best thing," We had now approached the house and we were just coming in and we could hear Freja's parents in the kitchen. "Go upstairs and I'll fix you up," Freja sighed. I nodded and made my way up to Freja's room, laying on her bed once I got there. She came in a few minutes later with a cloth and a glass of water. After setting them next to me, she pulled a small first aid kit from her draw. She picked up a wipe and started wiping my face free of blood before drying it with the cloth.
"I have a head ache," She pulled out a packet off powder and poured it into the water, making it fizz. I took a sip after she passed it to me and almost threw up. "That's disgusting," I gagged.
"Pretend it's vodka," Freja told me.
"I wish it was," I mumbled before drinking it. My phone vibrated and I picked it up.
Drake: On my way to Freja's now
Nicki: Ok
I pushed my phone in my pocket before hugged Freja and leaving. Once I got outside, I pulled a cig from my pack and lit it whilst I waited. A minute later a familiar car came around the corner.
"Shit!" I quickly put it out and dropped it just before Drake reached me.
"Hey, you ok?" Drake asked as I sat in the car.
"Yeah,you?" I replied.
"I'm ok but what's that cut on your head?" Drake asked curiously.
"Oh um...I cut it on the fence around tennis courts," I quickly made up.
"Ok, be careful," He told me.
"I am," I replied defensively. "Stop worrying about me...it's annoying," I muttered toward the end.
"I care, Onika. That's what I do," He asked sounding a little angry.
"I don't wanna go," I suddenly decided. When I didn't get a response I looked toward Drake and he just kept driving. "Did you not hear me? I said I don't wanna go!" I spoke in frustration. He continued to ignore me. "Stop the fucking car!" I punched his arm in anger. All of a sudden he swerved and the car jolted to a stop.
"I heard you and you're going," He spoke through his teeth, continuing to look forward.
"I don't want to go," I repeated myself.
"Why?" He asked relaxing a little.
"Because I don't want to, now unlock the door so I can get out if you not gonna drive me home," I replied, folding my arms over my chest.
"You need to go. Tell me why you don't want to go and I may take you home," He still wasn't looking at me.
"You can't make me do shit," I growled.
"Onika...I am trying everything I can to help you. I've ignored my own emotions toward you because you're in a bad place. I'm basically ignoring myself just so I can help you. Now please...tell me why you don't what to go?" I could see he was trying to stay calm and not flip out in frustration.
"Because...all he ever does is ask me questions...is doesn't help...it reminds me of how fucked up I am...just please take me home...I'm not in the mood to talk," I spoke softly as I stated down into my lap, tears threatening to spill due to the thoughts racing through my head. I felt the car move forward before making a 180 back home. Once we arrived, I rushed out the car and straight to my room. I stripped out of my clothes and curled up under my covers, crying quietly, only thinking of how fucked up I am.
"Onika?" I heard Drakes voice. Quickly I wiped my tears before pushing the covers off my head. "I know you said you didn't wanna talk but if you need to...I'm here," He stood in the door way, speaking a little nervously. He moved to leave but I called for him. "Yeah?" He looked up to me.
"Cuddle with me," I whispered.
"Uh...I dunno," He rubbed the back of his neck as he debated in his head.
"Please?" I spoke. He sighed and came toward the bed, slipping in beside me. I moved on top of him and listened to his steady heart beat as he gentle rubbed my back. "I'm not ok," I admitted breaking the silence after a few minutes.
"I know," He spoke gently, continuing to rub my back.
"Will I ever be ok?" I asked, afraid what the answer would be.
"Honestly...I don't know but you will get better," He answered. Why did my brain have to fuck up like this. I hate it.
"I hate it," I whispered as a couple tears fell. "I want it to stop but it won't," I continued. He stayed silent as I spoke. "It's killing me," I finally admitted. It's killing me. It's killing me from the inside. Making me think these negative thoughts and only having drugs to rid if them. It wants to kill me. I want to kill me.

Sorry for the long wait. I just started college and I've been trying to work out my whole timetable and stuff, not really being able to write. Hopefully I'll be updating every few days as I have a long bus journey each day. Thanks for reading 😁