Reaching the Sky | ✓

31

Nakabibinging ingay ng ambulansiya ang kanina pang namamayani sa aking tenga. Walang tigil ang tunog nito animo'y isang bangungot na ayaw akong tigilan kahit pa subukan kong takpan ang aking pandinig.

"Maurice! Maurice anak. . . Lumaban ka parang awa mo na. . ."

Mom has been begging since time I can remember, my eyes were shut but I can clearly hear everything. May kurot sa dibdib ko habang pinakikinggan ko ang bawat pagsamo niya pero pakiramdam ko tama naman ang ginawa ko. Ito naman talaga ang gusto ko.

I'm too tired to fight for this life. I'm too tired to hear them talking nonstop that I am crazy, which I really am.

If I had only one friend left
I want it to be you. . .

Dahan dahan kong binuksan ang mga mata ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni mommy sa tabi ko. Hindi ko alam bakit ganito ang pakiramdam ko, nangingilabot ako at pinandidirihan ko ang sarili ko.

Sa ilang pagkakataong ginawa ko ito, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang ganito. Hindi ako ito. Hindi ito si Maurice Arabelle Alextre.

Saglit lang ay narinig ko na ang pagpasok ng mga yabag. May mga kung ano ano silang ginawa at ipinagawa sa akin. Oo gising na ako.

Nagising pa rin ako sa kabila ng ilang ulit kong pagsuko sa buhay na ito.

"Anak, thank God you're awake now. Tinakot mo ako ng sobra." I can only stare at her angelic face, happiness, fear and guilt are visible in her pooling eyes.

"Six months kang natulog ate, bakit naman gano'n?" Maureen sobbed too.

An invisible knife stabbed me.

"Don't ever do that again Ate, don't leave me and mommy please. . ." My sister went on.

The second pierced straight through my soul. What have I done?

I can remember the moment where I thought it's enough, I can't take it anymore. I didn't even know who rescued me.

There was a lump in my throat, my tears run down my cheeks freely. Finally, after years, I was able to let this feeling go; freely.

"Please do know that we are always here ate. We will always listen to you, we love you and you are understood." Maureen hugged me and mom followed.

I searched the room looking for a person but I saw no one. That someone who's always beside me whenever I am into deep shit is now absent.

Ah yeah Maurice, ilang taon na nga ba siyang wala?

Lord, what's the meaning of this life? Para saan pa ang paggising kung magigising ako sa kaparehong sitwasyon pa rin, nandoon pa rin ako sa sitwasyong naging dahilan upang magdesisyon akong sumuko?

"Hey why did you do that?" Wait, is my eyes tricking me? He's here! He's here and he asked me that while he is caressing my hair.

Sandali akong napatitig sa kaniya bago ako nakapagsalita.

"Wes. . ." I called his name but he didn't responded.

"Ate!"

"Anak!"

I blinked my eyes after hearing them screaming out my name. Maureen hugged me.

"It's not him ate, it's Kuya Cross." Oh, right. He's not here. I saw how confusion passed Cross's face. I really thought he's here. I saw him, but it was not true.

Covering my face with both my hands I asked them to leave me for awhile. I am not planning to do that thing again, I just want to have a solo time to shed my feelings.