Memory Fragments: Probity

Domus Scientiae

"Alas, the homecoming weavers. Alas, the endless goodbye"
"Be without and be whole. Be within and stay empty"
"Be with. In or out. But be the one of you and I"
"Alas, the house of hypothesis. Alas, the lie of reality"

"You are strong, if only of body. Call you broken in the mind of the nobody"
"The house is safe. The foundation I carry keeps your back from chafe"
"But for the sake of science, the key shall be given to the absentee"
"Hide and seek, here comes the sound of strafe. Play war with the waif"

[...] And so, by Dr. Urðr request, I shall take leave for a bit. Rest a little from this
It is true that all this has taken its toll on me. And, it would be nice to have a moment
For my family, mostly. I have been gone for far too long in this island's premiss
It is all so ephemeral. So unreal. The house just ashore, was it always so immoment?

As I leave the premises, I begin to think about the logs I am about to record
Just like this one, they are to give follow-up to my exposure and subsequent process
The wardens will record them for me but, Dr. Urðr has sent me to one too many a ward
I only need rest for a short bit. A day if so. But it would be good for us to play chess

[...] I am in P.F. right now, awaiting January. She will take my physical tests
As I wait, I begin playing chess against myself. A way to learn my own weakness
Bears come short after, sitting across and preparing themselves to be my guests
Even if a tired mind breaks, the muscle memory will guide the soul unbound and limitless

[...] It seems these bears cheer for the me in black. Though I think of myself of being white
These laboratory coats of ours may be black, but underneath, a vast white I hold on to
One of the bears I recognize. It is January's. He stands up, and sits as my vessel's might
The game is almost done. But the bear and I continue as chess is a game of two

I no longer move the black pieces, for it is the bear's turn; it is confused of my past moves
A play of mystery gets revealed. A self-boycott I was intending, the black was meant to lose
The bears rages, but it does not remain so. The king and queen, from the board, it removes
Accepting loss, it withdraws and vows. "The beast of man in you. Stand strong in her views"

[...] All the other bears disappear. And the chess board turns into a physical test result sheet
January comes into the room and aplaudes me. "Well done. Mind over matter is your new be"
She waves goodbye to me and walks me to the exit. Outside, the next ward I am to meet
Shrouded in space and stars, January cries frozen tears. They form the key to her eyes' sea

"The inner fire of a fighting man will burn bright and light the way away from cold darkness"
"I cry for you, my beastly man. The animal within is freed from its cage. Tempered, it is set free"
"No longer my pet to play with. No more abuse or torture. I say goodbye to remain heartless"
"I am your mutilated daughter. Bears did this to me, and so my pieces float amidst a dead sea"

"Thank you for stitching me back together. Thank you for playing with me and Teddy Bear"
"Father, as we walk through the sea of space, the stars shine bright with happiness and laugh"
"I now lay bare in front of you. The acceptance of me is no longer too much to bear"
"My cold body warms up in your embrace. But I say goodbye before the pain rips me in half"

[...] January blurs into the cosmos and transforms herself into the guiding light of the north star
The Ursa Minor. I see it clearly now. I am aware of what happened, and now I move on from it
Losing her on our star-hunting trip. Left alone at midnight; leaving more than a physical scar
I was too focused on the research. But now the star I was looking for has been lit

Thank you, January. For making me remember and for forgiving me all wrong I have ever done
You now point to my next assignment. But I am already here, am I not? April, please show up
"..." [...] Of course. You are deaf and, by proxy, mute, right? I think I remember the sign for fun
In these rooms, we can talk all we want. So let us configure them into the proper setup