Broken // Michael Clifford [Finished For Now]

Chapter Thirty Nine

Diana's POV

I am numb.

Numb to my body's movements. Numb to my mind's thoughts. Numb to my emotions. Numb to the world around me. I can see. I know I'm breathing. I know my body can function. And I know that I can think.

But I don't feel anything.

I can't exactly explain it. Its almost like something took over my body and is controlling everything I do. I want to stop it, but I don't try to stop it. I let this thing - this feeling - override my logical thoughts. Its like a disease. It starts off small with only a few minor symptoms before it slowly seeps into my veins and infects my blood, poisoning my mind with a deadly venom. And then its all over. I can't fight a battle that I know I won't win. I can't continue to give myself false hope.

And being around Michael gives me false hope.

He makes me want to be happy and want to try and fight this losing battle. He makes me think good people still exist. And as much as I want to believe that, I can't. The infection coursing through my veins prevents it and as soon as I start to allow myself that Michael is in fact right, my mind reminds me of people like my dad.

People that manipulate others for no reason at all. The ones who say that they will love and protect you, but as soon as something bad happens they turn on you. They make you believe it was all your fault and that you should be punished for something out of your control.

And right now, I'm not in control.

I suck in a deep breathe of cold winter air and allow it to burn my lungs so that I might feel something other than numbness. I squeeze my eyes shut tight to stop the tears that are building from pouring out of my eyes and stinging my cheeks that have become raw from the cool air.

I'm already at the park; the one I used to go to with my parents and the one I showed Michael. I open my eyes so I take in the familiar surroundings, engraving the smallest details into my brain like a tattoo onto my skin. The small pond is starting to frost over with a thin sheet of ice. The grass is covered with small flakes of snow forming a barely-there layer. There are still of few leaves from the fall that are crisp and brittle in the cold atmosphere. The trees are fragile and exposed. The colors are all pure white snow and tainted grey skies. And in between the pure ground and the tainted sky are the trees, looking as if they are crumbling beneath the weight of the un-pure world that traps the innocent one.

I forced myself to look down at the objects in my hand. In the left one is the half empty water bottle and the pill bottle I had taken from the medicine cabinet. In my right hand is the other thing I had just grabbed without thinking. I examined the small picture closely as I finally let the tears flow freely from my eyes. I was nine when this was taken. My mom and grandma had taken me to the park for the day and my dad met us there after work. I was holding one of my mom's hands and one of my dad's as we walked to the swing set. My grandma had taken the picture of the three of us and she just happened to capture the moment that my parents both swung me into the air as I laughed loudly with excitement. Things were so simple back then. It was a time with no worries, no skeletons in the closet. I look at the picture again and tear it in half over and over again until its in tiny little shreds all around me. I hate thinking about how happy I used to be.

I had no care in the world. And now, I feel like I'm collapsing under the pressure of it all.

So, I untwist the cap on the water bottle and empty most of the pills into my hand hoping that this can wash all of my pain away even if it means that I will be numb in a void of darkness forever.

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Michael's POV

My knuckles are white against the steering wheel as I drive well above the speed limit. I can't help but feel as if something is wrong and this feeling is only intensified with an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that's radiating throughout my entire body. My chest is aching over the fast pace beating of my heart against my rib cage and I can feel a sweat breaking out on my forehead. I don't think I've ever been this worried in my entire life. Not even when me and the guys left Australia to come here, and trust me that was terrifying.

I turn down the narrow road towards the secluded park. I remember when she first took me here and told me how special this small park was to her. As soon as the car is in park I jump out, not even bothering to turn the ignition off and leaving the door open. Had I been in my right mind I would be worried that someone may steal the car, but I'm too worried about Diana to care. I take off in a dead sprint on the icy sidewalk, trying to gain traction beneath my shoes so I don't fall. My heart is beating faster than it ever has before and my mind is clouded with worry. My eyes are frantically searching for any sign of Diana.

And then I see her. And I freeze for a moment to process what I'm seeing in front of me. She's slumped on the ground in the wet snow looking down at her hands as her body shakes with tears. I see a water bottle in one hand. And when I realize that she's looking at pills in her other hand I can feel all the air in my lungs escape. My heart stops thumping along in my chest and drops down to my feet. And the only thought running through my mind is that I'm going to lose her.

"Diana! Diana don't do this!" I shout as I start running in her direction, my voice filled with worry. She turns to face me and I can see the streaks of water that have been running down her face. Her eyes are hollow, lifeless, and dark. Her face holds no emotion except one. Fear.

And then, in this moment, time ceases to exist and everything starts to go in slow motion.

She looks away from me and back to the deadly weapons in her hand and does the worst thing she can. She opens her mouth and I watch helplessly as she dumps the small pills in, chasing them with the water. And the whole time I am telling her not to do it. And I am running to her, but the closer I get the farther away she seems to be from me. And when I finally get to her I put both of my hands on her cheeks and search her face. I can't see the fear that I had just seconds before. Its gone just like those pills are. And it kills me inside because if there is no fear left in Diana it means that she has no emotion left. It means that she isn't afraid to die.

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(A/N)

So I know its been forever and I expect you guys to be upset with me but I have been extremely busy with my summer. I have either been on vacation, working, or doing my summer school work. I am very very very sorry for taking so long to update but I do plan on trying to update more frequently from now on. I am also sorry for the short length of the chapter but I just wanted to get this uploaded so I could give you guys something until I update again (should be soon).

Again I am so very sorry for how long its been but I still love you all and thank you to those who are still reading this!

~Lizzy