Broken // Michael Clifford [Finished For Now]

Chapter Thirty Eight

Diana's POV

I continued to let my feet carry me to an unknown location. My mind was too clouded by all of the thoughts that had been swarming my head for me to process the world around me. I focused on the pounding of my feet and the cold pavement and the tingling chill of the winter air surrounding me. My head was down, eyes closed in order to keep everything from pouring out. I feared that everything I had been thinking and feeling would explode out of me if I opened my eyes and I was still trapped in this place that was supposed to be reality, but felt like a nightmare. This wasn't the type of reality someone wants to live in. This is the type of thing you see in a movie and think 'that's just crazy, isn't it?'

My lungs stung as I puffed some air out and back in. My hands had tightened into small fists and my steps were getting faster until they stopped completely. I opened my eyes now, still wishing this was all a dream that would disappear in front of me.

But it didn't. And my chest heaved and my lungs fought for air once I realized where I had walked.

I timidly scanned the familiar driveway that led to the house; my house. I'm not actually sure if I can even call it my own home anymore. After all that has happened it seems more like a place of sadness and undefined fear than a home.

Despite the way I feel about this house my feet continued to move forward. It was as if I had no control over what actions my body were carrying out. My feet moved without my consent and no matter how much I didn't want to go through that front door, I did. I walked upstairs and opened the door to my room, feeling a sense of relief at the familiarity of the space washing through me. It was quickly replaced by memories of nights when I would cry myself to sleep, worrying about the days ahead of me. I continuously told myself that it would all get better. That one day I would be happy and have a family of my own and then I realized I did have all of that. I was happy. I did have a real loving family.

And then it was all ripped away from me. It was destroyed by the cruelties that lie deep within the people around me. The ones that people try to hide from until they can't anymore and eventually it all comes out at once and they always end up hurting those they thought they loved the most, despite the amount of times they spoke 'I love you's and 'I will always be here to support you's.

This is why I can't trust anyone. Not anymore that is.

Before I could process my next move my feet sprinted down the stairs and to the refrigerator. My throat had started to get dry with all of my worrying. I grabbed a water bottle and chugged about half of the bottle before setting it on the counter and heading to my dad's bathroom. I didn't know why I had decided to go there until I stood frozen in my place. I was looking at myself in the mirror and I didn't even recognize me. My eyes showed so much pain and my cheeks were hollow with worry and my skin was pale with fear and anxiety. I looked half-dead; and I felt that way too. I felt empty and alone even though I had people like michael trying to help me. He just didn't understand what I was feeling.

I lifted a shaky hand and opened the mirror, which also acted as a door to the medicine cabinet. The hollow person reflected at me in the mirror was engraved into my mind as I took one of my mom's old pill bottles into my hand.

Before I could rethink what I was about to do I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of water. 'I'll be needing this' I thought to myself. The pills pounded against the bottle they were captured in and I grabbed one last thing before I left this house for good.

I was out into the frosty air in no time, not acknowledging the other object I had taken from the house. Snowflakes had started to fall. They were big flakes and the longer I was outside walking the harder and faster it began to snow. My shoes left little footprints behind me as I walked to the park. The one place I felt safe and at peace.