Broken // Michael Clifford [Finished For Now]

Chapter Three

Dian's POV

I felt bad for telling Michael I had somewhere to go when in reality I was just trying to avoid him. I just don't want him to know how messed up my life is. I don't want to risk getting close to anyone for the fear that I might lose them; I have lost people in different ways.

I hate it when I get attached to someone and begin to rely on them in my life only to lose them, leaving a void in my heart where they used to be. I always feel so helpless, like I can't do anything about them leaving. When they finally go I think of all the things I could have changed or done differently to have made them stay. I always blame myself and it was taking a tole on me, so I distance myself from as many people as possible.

I pulled my car into the parking lot of my city's metro park, grabbed my book bag and walked across the soft, green grass to the nearest picnic table. I always came here after school because it was the only way I would get any school work done. If I had gone home I would be questioned, screamed at, etc.. Not that it wouldn't happen later on in the evening but at least I could get something done before I got even more stressed out then I was now.

It was only the first day of school so I really didn't have much homework to do, also meaning I really didn't need to be here at the park, but just about any place was better than home after what happened this summer. I used to love sitting out on the large swing on the backyard porch doing homework after school. It wasn't that I loved doing homework, I didn't, it was just the scenery of the woods that surrounded the perfectly cut grass and the sound of the stream flowing freely, hidden within the depths of the woods.

That perfect memory was now a distant memory that is overshadowed by the flashbacks I now receive the second I step foot onto that porch. The backyard is no longer as well kept as it used to be. The grass is overgrown and topped off with layers of crippled and fallen autumn leaves. The stream's free flowing sound only reminds me of the happiness I used to feel, the great memories I used to have.

I had to stop thinking about this so much, it was driving me crazy. But I couldn't stop because someone should have noticed when she started acting different and I blamed myself. She wasn't as happy as she used to be. She became more distant from the rest of us. She smiled a little less everyday. And all I could think was, "What if I had noticed? Would she still be here with the rest of us?"

I felt tears begin to form in my eyes. My breathing began to get shallower. I didn't want to cry about this again but it was the only way I could actually get my feelings out. No one who was as effected as I was by this would let me talk to them about it and I pushed the only friend I had, Sarah, away after the horrible accident, afraid that she would think of me differently if she knew everything that I saw.

It wasn't really an accident, people just called it that because then no one was blamed. I blamed myself, I think my dad blamed himself, although he wouldn't talk about it at all. The thing was we both knew who made the ultimate decision, whether it was in a moment of weakness or an idea that was well thought out.

By now the tears were streaming freely down my face. I rested my head in my hands and closed my eyes to try to slow them down. I heard the grass beside me shuffle, but thought nothing of it until I heard the picnic table's bench creak across from me. I sniffled my nose and wiped my hands under my eyes in attempt to look decent in front of whoever sat down. I rubbed my eyes in shock when I finally looked up and met their eyes.

"Long time no see." She said timidly, trying to avoid the eye contact I was making.

"Yeah." I managed to say through my disbelief.

"Look, I know that you told me to leave you alone after everything, but it's pretty obvious that you need a friend to talk to right now and I really miss hanging out with you, so could you please at least attempt to talk about everything that happened? I want to help you through this because you're never going to be happy if you keep all of those emotions bottled up inside, and no, crying does not help at all with letting emotions out, trust me I would know. Remember when my grandma died? I know it doesn't compare to what happened to you and how they died-"

"You're right it doesn't compare at all, not one bit! The way she died wasn't natural and it will never be something that I will forget! And you know what else? Because of how she left me I will ways question every moment we were together! I have sat in my room for hours on end just thinking, 'Was she really happy? Was anything she told me true, or was it just a lie?' Because she said she would always be here for me and now she's gone! Shes gone and I can't do a damn thing about it!" By now I was bawling my eyes out. My cheeks were probably red as well as my eyes. I was not what a family in the park would want to see or hear for that matter.

"Please Diana, just try to talk to me okay? I'm so sorry for everything that has happened to you this summer, but you need to at least try to move on." she pleaded.

"Why would you want to talk to me Sarah? I was literally the biggest bitch to you after everything and you were just trying to help me."

"You're right, you were a bitch, but I understood why. You had just gone through one of the worst tragedies you could have and you didn't know how to cope with all of the changes that were going to happen in your life and you had never lost anyone close to you before."

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you. It's still so hard to think about and I can't go out into the backyard without everything rushing back to me. I really want to talk about everything but I'm not sure how."

"Diana, you have nothing to be sorry for. You pushed me away and avoided me because I was pushing you to talk about it. I'm always going to be here if you want to talk okay?"

"Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me, more than you know."

"It's no problem, really. I'm going to go for my run now, but you can stop by my house or call whenever you want to talk." She stood up from the bench and began to walk away.

"Thank you!" I yelled out to her before she was too far away to hear me, She turned around and smiled at me, proud of herself for convincing me to talk to her.

I watched as Sarah, my childhood friend ran off onto the wooded path. We have known each other since we were both six years old. She only lived a few streets away from my house so we saw one another every single day. We were more like sisters than best friends and we could tell each other anything. At least we could until last summer. Not even Sarah could get me to talk about everything, it was just all too much to think about at the time.

It's only been a little over two months since it happened but it was still too much to think about. I don't think any amount of time will make this any easier to talk about.

I was happy she came up and talked to me though. I had a lot I needed to get off of my chest. I needed to talk about everything and when I say everything, I mean everything. I couldn't hide the fact that I had seen it all happen right before my eyes from my best friend any longer than I already have.

***

A/N:

Well that got super serious didn't it? I hope you are enjoying this fanfic so far because I really like writing it!

I want to know what you think about all of this so please vote and comment and tell me what you think will happen next or what you think happened last summer!

~Lizzy