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overwhelmed

I'm well aware of my behavior, but I can't get myself to do better

I'm just
Detached from reailty

Would the pain stop if I just did it

Then my genius mind says to stop eating because I will get fat

But I end up eating then get

And I'm in so fucking unease I hate this

Get dizzy everytime I sit up

I don't even feel real

Funny

All thoughts come jumbled

It's hard to relax at night even

I'm not that desperate

Idk

I feel so grounded and depressed

I'm well aware of my behavior but I can't get myself to do better

Maybe I'm just a waste of space

Wooyoung's train of thoughts got cut when the room door opened, a tired Mingi comes in. Yunho is following the younger behind.

"Hey, how are you," Yunho ask. Hugging Wooyoung, warm and comforting.

"Good, I guess," Wooyoung said quietly. Stopping himself from nuzzling his nose to Yunho's neck.

"Good," Yunho grinned. I'm jumping on Mingi's bed and rolling on it. The two giants talk. Wooyoung lay down.

No one has to know.

×

Overwhelming. Everything is Overwhelming. Wooyoung just wanted to end it. Just wanted to end the pain. It was too much and it hurt. Hurt too much. He couldn't stand the loneliness anymore, couldn't stand the pain, anxiety anymore. He didn't want more nerves and stress to mess with him and his body. He didn't even feel like himself anymore.

I want to end it.

But he couldn't, he had people who love him. Who finds him precious but it didn't feel like it even a bit. Maybe he didn't have to wake up another day, maybe he just didn't want to do this anymore. No energy was left in his body to continue. Wooyoung felt lonely, so lonely. Everyone had friends, and he didn't. He never wanted to bother Yunho and Mingi's alone time. He had seen Mingi's hand resting on Yunho's thigh when they talked. It was clear the two had something between them. And it bothered Wooyoung too much.

It's not like he don't like his two closest friends, the tension the two had was too much and overwhelmed Wooyoung when they hang out. He always wanted happiness for Mingi and Yunho ofcourse. So he stayed silent.

Maybe someday, he will find someone too. Someday.

×

Well, no. Wooyoung hated physical touch, let alone through clothes. So when San, one of the students he recently started to talk to rubbed his side, he felt uncomfortable.

"Yah, stop," the pink haired giggled. Leaning back on the couch.

"Awww, so cute," San cooed. Pulling Wooyoung to a hug. He ruffles Wooyoung's hair, it got longer by now. "You should dye it again" he said. Running his fingers through Wooyoung's soft hair.

Wooyoung hums. Melting in the hug. He never liked intimacy, not taht he experienced it, but a hug wasn't something that he was used to. San noticed the youngers body language stiff and let go.

"Sorry," San apologized.

"İt's fine," the younger said. İnstantly regretting because the room got awkward all of a sudden.

"It's not ok, but if you say so," San shrugs. Going on his phone.

Yeah. Wooyoung hates himself even more. Maybe he should just do it, it's not like anyone will miss him.

Yeah. Wooyoung feels like shit, and will definitely dye his hair dark blue. Right now.

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Hi. Bye.

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