Daily reminder: you are loved!

donkeys

"You ok?" Mingi asked slowly. Worried lines appearing on his forehead.

"Yeah, I'm good," Wooyoungs replied. Hugging Mingi slowly and resting his head on his chest. "Chilling with the donkey," he shrugged.

"Are you sure? This is your third cigarette today," Ming muttered. Rubbing the youngers back up and down all the while. Wooyoung nodded but didn't give a verbal answer. If he was honest, he was so tired.

"San told me you cried," Mingi said this time. Trying to break the awkward silence that fell upon them.

"He's lying, I didn't cry," Wooyoung sighed. "I never cry -"

"Don't lie to me. I know you're hurting, hmm?" Mingi cut him off softly. He knew Wooyoung was in a bad place, and that hurt him also. He never liked seeing his friends hurting. They stayed in silence for a few minutes until Wooyoung finished the cigarette, stepping on the small bud.

"Let's go inside,"

×

San got startled when a quiet knock came through the door, causing him to lose focus on the article he was focused on. "Come in," he called out. Wooyoung opened the door and closed it behind slowly.

"Wooyoung?" He asked in confusion. The younger looked tired, as if in a daze. San watched worridly as Wooyoung came closer and hugged him, pressing his face in the slightly tallers chest. "Are you ok?"

"I hate you," Wooyoung whispered.

"Why?" San asked. Even more confused at the statement. Wooyoung never hated him, not now or even before they got closer. It was strange.

"Just because we got closer doesn't mean you can tell Mingi that I cried,"

"I-"

"Don't apologize. You always do this. Just because you think we're closer and more intimate is not something that you can take advantage of, asshole. Your perfect little life, and happy go persona annoys me. Why do you have to be so perfect, Huh? I know my grades aren't the most perfect ones, and my stupid little head convincing me that I'm useless isn't the best thing on top of all the stress from this damn school doesn't mean you- you can still be this perfect student everyone adores," Wooyoung's voice cracked. He gripped the olders shirt in a tight hold.

"Wooyoung ah..." San tried to explain himself. But he could find the words, Wooyoung always seemed to take anything well, even the pressure. "Wooyoung, can you look at me?"

Wooyoung shook his head, tucking in San's neck to avoid his gaze. San held his face with both hands and lifted it to look Wooyoung in the eyes. Seeing the tears rolling down broke his heart, he hated when the younger got sad.

"You're not stupid," he said gently. Still holding Wooyoung's gaze to show his sincerity. "You're smart, and definitely not a disappointment. I know it's hard, believe me when I say it's also hard for me. I taught myself to keep a strong front, to look independent, and trustworthy. But that doesn't mean you have to do the same, do you understand me?" A nod.

"I like you the way you are, I don't need you to be stronger or more intelligent or... thinner. I know what goes in that head of yours. You think you don't deserve this, all this that's happening. But please, please believe me. You are loved and talented. Please don't downgrade yourself," San pleaded. Tearing up himself at the vulnerable expression on Wooyoung's face. "Please believe me,"

"You don't understand," Wooyoung insisted. He tried to get off San's hold but fell powerless when lips met his. "Don't kiss me," he whispered. Tears calling down faster. His chest tightened, and suddenly breathing became impossible.

"Hey, darling, calm down. You're going to have a panic attack if you -"

"I hate you," Wooyoung insisted more. His defense was weak, and his knees buckled under the weight of his worries. "Don't do this,"

San held his waist and sat him on the bed, letting the younger curl up in his arms. He leaned back on the wall to get comfortable, pulling Wooyoung closer and on his lap. "Take deep breaths, in and out," he instructed with a soft tone. Holding Wooyoung's hand in his to support him, panic attacks never occurred to him after all. Not that he dealt with someone having it either.

Wooyoung took a shaky breath in and out slowly for a few minutes, his chest still tight but not as suffocating as before. "That's it, baby. I'm here for you," San encouraged him over and over. He wiped the tears with his thumb and pressed a kiss on Wooyoung's forehead.

Wooyoung nodded against San's chest, eyes closed and focused on listening to San's heartbeat. The effect wasn't immediate, but he calmed down eventually. His grip in San's hand loosened ever so slightly.

"That's it, you're ok. I'm here for you, Wooyoung," San said quietly.

"Hmm," Wooyoung hummed. His eyes felt droopy, and his body lacked energy. San rubbed his back still, even after the younger fell silent.

"Wooyoung?"

"Yes?"

"Do you still hate me?"

"No, I'm sorry. I was sad and... I'm sorry," Wooyoung apologized in a quiet voice. Guilty of his words, but he knew San didn't take it to heart. San never did take it to heart the hurtful words he said.

×

Wooyoung sipped on his coffee with blank eyes staring at the wall. He didn't stay in San's room last night. He wanted to cuddle Mingi after that horrible few minutes of panic. Not that San had that effect also, but he wanted his best friend. Of course, second after Yeosang.

"Hey, Wooyoung," Seonghwa greeted as he walked in the dining hall. Getting hot chocolate from the coffee machine and sitting in front of Wooyoung. "How are you?" He asked.

"I'm good, I want to be on vacation so bad," Wooyoung replied with a sigh.

"Me too. I'm going back home, what about you?" Seonghwa asked. Holding eye contact with Wooyoung. Why was everyone looking at him in the eye these days?

"I'm going home. I miss my mom's cooking so bad," Wooyoung giggled. Seonghwa smiled at the reply he got. The younger hadn't been smiling a lot lately, and it made him happy to see Wooyoung laugh.

"I'm glad that you're happy about it. You deserve it," he said with a small smile. His mind stuck on the instagram stories Wooyoung had been sharing these days. "You deserve to be happy,"

"Yeah, I guess," Wooyoung shrugged. Finishing the last drop of his coffee.

"You do, really," Seonghwa insisted. Holding Wooyoung's hand in his lightly.

"I do, I deserve it," but it still didn't feel like he deserved it.

.

1108 words

I'm not very satisfied with this one, but it's fine