wildest dreams | b.e

Still thinking about you | 043

Billie's POV

It's been about 5 days since Alana moved away and she's still on my mind. I'm trying so hard to get over her and just be happy with my boyfriend, but it feels fucking impossible. I hate feeling this way. I hate living with myself knowing what I did to Alana.

I just want to talk to her again. Even if she's at my fucking throat and yelling at me, at least she'd be here. I miss her. So, so bad.

Why did I do this to her? She deserves so much better.

Fuck it, I'm writing another letter to her. Maybe Olivia will give me her new address.

iMessage:

olivia rodrigo

olivia i have a favor to ask

what is it?

can you give me alana's new address?

please?

billie im sorry but she wants
nothing to do with you

i just want to send her smth

fine but no promises that she's
gonna read it

Irl:

Olivia sent me her new address, so I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. I feel pathetic, but it's just because of how shitty I feel.

Dear, Alana

I miss you so fucking much, Lani. I just want you to know I'm sorry. I'm happy with my boyfriend, but I'd still love to have you as a friend. I really do care about you and love you, Alana. I want you to know how sorry I am. I messed up so fucking badly and I'm never gonna forgive myself for this. I understand that you want nothing to do with me. I'd hate me, too, if I were you. I'm a fucked up person, Alana. I hurt people I care about all the time because I'm used to being the hurt one. I hate myself for it. You never have to talk to me or hear from me again, just say the word and I'll leave you alone. But I want you to know that I'm so sorry. I truly do love you. I hope one day you'll forgive me.

love,
billie <3

She has every right to be mad at me and if she doesn't forgive me, that's fine. I messed up and I understand how she feels. Fuck, I'd feel the exact same way if she did that to me, if anyone did that to me.

Shit, what if.. I'm in love with her?

It's too late now.

Ugh, I fucking hate myself.

Alana's POV

It's been a little over a week now in New York and Liv and Conan are still here with me. They're staying for a little bit to help me get settled in.

"God, I fucking love coffee." Olivia says, making Conan and I both laugh. We just walked down the street to get Starbucks because there's one really close to my apartment and we wanted drinks, so we got them and now we're headed back to my place.

"Guys, I think I'm finally getting used to the crazy New Yorkers now." I laugh as we walk inside the apartment building lobby. You don't even want to know some of the shit I've seen so far and I haven't even been here two weeks yet.