wildest dreams | b.e

Hurt people hurt people | 049

                                    Billie's POV

I feel my heart drop at Alana's words. "You- what?" I ask her with my jaw dropped.

"Shit, sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." She puts her head in her hands and sighs.

"But- I thought you said-"

"I know I said my feelings are gone and they mostly are.. but part of me still loves you. Billie, I can't fucking get over you. I've tried so hard, but I feel like all I do is think about what you and I could've been." Alana tells me. "But I have a girlfriend now, Billie. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." She looks at me with tear filled eyes.

"Then break up with her! You say you still love me and get my hopes up, but then you crush them." I shake my head in disbelief.

"Why do you even care so much? You're the one who rejected me and didn't want me when I wanted you!" She shouts.

"Why do I care so much? Are you fucking kidding me?" I shout back.

"Yeah, why do you care so much? I seriously don't get you!" She yells.

"Because I fucking love you, Alana! Can't you fucking see that? Why do you think I want you back so badly, huh?" I shout to her.

"You.. love me?" She looks at me with a mix of anger and sadness in her eyes. "Are you serious right now?" Her voice gets louder again.

"Yes, I'm fucking serious! Alana, I've been begging for your attention and for you to talk to me again. I think about you all the time!" I admit.

"You've gotta be kidding me! I fucking admitted my feelings to you for you to go and get a boyfriend like it was nothing! We fucked, we kissed a fucking ton, hell, I even broke up with my girlfriend for you and then you moved on perfectly fine!" Alana yells.

"Alana, I've apologized a hundred fucking times! I'm so sorry, Lani. I'm so so sorry! I was too blind to see how much I love you and I was too scared of my feelings, so I hurt you! That's what I do, Alana. I'm a fucked up person. I hurt people I care about all the time because I was hurt!" I tell her, choking back tears.

"Billie, don't make fucking excuses! You had your chance so many times to be with me, but you fucked every single one of them up. I've tried so hard to fix this with you so many times, but you-"

I scoff angrily and grab her face, smashing my lips against hers. She doesn't even pull back, she leans in, deepening the kiss. My hands trail down to her hips, pulling her closer.

After a minute, she pulls away. "I can't do this, I'm sorry." She sighs. "Y-you should go.." She says, wiping a tear on her face.

I look at her with hurt in my eyes before grabbing my phone and keys. I run out of the house and into my car.

I can't believe she did that.

She can't kiss me back and then tell me to fucking leave! I mean, after all of that? It's fucked up.

I've never wanted to crawl into a hole and die more than right now.

Tears start pouring out of my eyes as I drive off.

Everything is too blurry to see, but I don't even care right now.

All I wanted was her.

(a/n: all too well, selfish, romantic homicide and when i was your man were on while i was writing this and those songs fit so well with this scene 😭)

                                  Alana's POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck. What did I do?