wildest dreams | b.e

Boundaries | 055

                                  Alana's POV

I woke up in someone's arms with a bad headache. I start to panic, but I calm down once I see the person's hand has a fairy tattoo on it.

It's Billie.

I don't remember much from last night other than me getting fucking wasted. Billie has been on my mind all day and night. She's so confusing and hard to read. I keep letting her get my hopes up.

I roll over to face Billie who's still asleep. She's softly snoring and her lips are pouted. She looks adorable.

No, Alana, she hurt you.

It doesn't even matter. I have to accept that I'm not getting over her. I don't know if I ever will.

I watch her sleep since she looks so peaceful. Something about being in her presence is so comforting.

"Hey, creep." Her eyes open and she smirks. "What?" I laugh nervously.

"You watching me sleep now, Williams?" Billie chuckles. "No, I- I just.." I try to come up with an excuse. "Relax, I'm playing with you." She says.

It seems like it, actually.

I don't even care anymore. I guess I'll let her use me if it means I'm not alone.

If that's what this is, anyways.

"You okay?" She brushes her thumb over my cheek. I shrug and look down. "What's on your mind?" She asks me.

"You." I sigh.

"Aw, you think about me a lot?" She teases with a laugh. "Billie, I'm serious." I tell her and she stops. "I think we need to talk about.. this." I say to her.

"Okay.." She furrows her eyebrows.

"I think we need to set some boundaries."

"What? Why?" She asks.

"Bil, I feel used and like I'm not enough. You say you want me, but then you don't want anything serious?" I frown slightly.

"Alana, I.. I'm sorry. I-"

"I don't know if anymore of this is a good idea if you don't want to really be with me. I don't like doing low-key shit. So, I don't think cuddling or.. kissing or fucking is a good idea. You don't want to be in a relationship and that's fine." I shrug.

How can I set boundaries when I don't even want them?

"So.. y-you just want to be friends?" Billie asks sadly.

"No, Billie. I'm fucking in love with you, but you keep getting my hopes up for something happening between us, but then you go and say you don't think we'd be a good idea." I pull away from her and scoot over. I just feel so hurt.

I don't know why I fell for her so hard.

"Oh."

"Oh?" I ask.

"Um, I guess if that's what you want, then I respect that." She looks looks down and plays with her rings.

Do I have to connect the fucking dots for her? I clearly said that I'm in love with her. What does she get from that?

"I- I should probably go. Gotta.. get home to Shark." She says awkwardly.

I nod, feeling disappointed. She gets up out of my bed and puts her shoes on. "So, um.. friends?" I ask her hopefully.

"Yeah, friends." She nods with a small smile.

Can't say that one didn't hurt.

"I'll.. text you later?" She asks and I nod. "Um, bye, Lan." She waves and walks out of my bedroom, shutting the door behind her. A few seconds later, I hear the front door shut as well.