wildest dreams | b.e

Want you back | 046

Billie's POV

I saw Alana for the first time in two years yesterday and I can't get her out of my head.

I messed up with her. I've thought about her every single day since she left and I made such a huge fucking mistake. Jesse and I broke up again literally a month after we started dating. I wish I never ever started dating him again.

Because all I can think about is what could've been.

If I never hurt Alana like that, who knows where we'd be right now. I always wonder if Alana and I would've started dating and if we'd still be dating to this day. I think about her so much that she's like my default thought.

I still can't forgive myself for what I did to her. I've apologized countless times, but she never accepts them. Who can blame her, though?

Last month, I wrote her another letter. Yeah, last fucking month. That's how much I still think about her. I rarely sent them after she left, but of course, no answer.

Dear, Alana

Alana, please fucking answer me. I'm losing my
fucking mind over you. I know you hate me for what I did, but I miss you so much. I hate myself for everything. I never should have done that. Jesse and I didn't even end up working out. I made such a big mistake, Lani. I miss you everyday. I can't fucking get over you, Alana. I still can't. I know I sound pathetic, but I just want you back in my life. I'd do anything for you to forgive me.

Love,
Billie <3

I'm fucking pathetic as hell. That's the letter I sent her last month.

After I left Olivia's party, I immediately went over to Zoe's house. I deserved it, but Alana made me cry my fucking eyes out last night.

The door swings open and Zoe's face drops when she sees that I'm crying. "Billie? What's going on? Come in." She wraps an arm around my shoulders and brings me inside her house. "Okay, what happened?" Zoe asks as she sits me down on the couch. "It's Alana." I cry into her arms.

"Billie, you're still hung up on that bitch? She hurt you, Bil. You shouldn't be so sad over her." She frowns, hugging me.

"She didn't hurt me, I hurt her. I deserved it, Zoe. I'm crying because I saw her tonight." I tell her.

"What? You did?" She asks and I nod. "What happened?"

"I found out she has a fucking girlfriend, bro." I shake my head and wipe my eyes. "Bil, she was bound to move on eventually. You literally told her to find someone better." Zoe says to me.

She has a point.

"I know, I just- I want her back, Zoe. I messed everything up and ruined my chances with her." I cry.

"I know, I know, B." She rubs my back as we hug.

Zoe doesn't know. She doesn't understand. Everyone keeps telling me I'll move on and that I made a mistake and it's okay, but it's not.

I spent the rest of the night at her house literally sobbing. Alana was fucking harsh last night. I know I fucked up, but damn, that shit hurt.

I pull out my phone and go to my contacts and dial a number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Olivia." I say to her. Olivia, as you know, is Alana's best friend and she literally will tell me anything.

She's mad gullible, not gonna lie.

"Oh, hey, Billie. What's up? Uh, I heard about last night.. I'm sorry about her. She's not really over it, I guess." Olivia says.

"It's fine. Olivia, I need to ask you a few things."

"Sure, what is it?" She asks.

"Um.. could you tell me about.... Alana's girlfriend?" I say, trying to not sound weird.

"You want to know about Alana's girlfriend?"

"Yeah." I tap on the back of my phone case nervously as I wait for her to speak.

"Uh, okay, so her name is Malia, everyone calls her Lia, though. Her and Alana have been dating a little over a year. They're a good couple, I get a weird vibe from Lia sometimes, though." She says.

A year? Fuck.

"Why do you get a weird vibe from her?" I furrow my eyebrows. "I don't know.. she takes a lot of phone calls and shit and she's always busy, weird stuff like that, I guess." She tells me.

Damn. I just hope she treats her well. She deserves it. Who am I kidding? I don't want her to treat her well. I want them to break up.

"Yeah, that sounds weird." I nod although she can't see me. "That's all I really wanted to know. Oh, do you know her Instagram?" I ask her.

"Okay, stalker," She laughs. "Her username is @lia.rivera, I think." Olivia says.

"Alright, thank you so much, Olivia." I tell her gratefully. "Of course. Oh, and Billie?"

"Yes?"

"She still thinks about you a lot. I know she still has love for you, she just doesn't show it." She sighs.

Really?

"She said her feelings for me are gone." I bite the inside of my cheek nervously.

"Alana doesn't like talking about her feelings. I know her and I know she cares. Just so you know, I'm still rooting for you guys. I think I always will." She tells me with a chuckle, making me laugh as well.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it, Liv." I say to her. "You're welcome. I'll text you if I find out anything else or whatever, okay?" She says.

"Alright, see you later. Bye." I hang up the call and run to Instagram quickly.

Okay.. I think she said her username was lia.rivera.

I type it in and an account pops up. I click on it to do a little bit of stalking.

Wow, she's really pretty. I can see why Alana likes her. She looks.. sweet.

I can't help but feel jealous, though. I should be the one with Alana, not her. But I'm a fucking idiot, so that's not how it is.

That's when I realize it.

The thing I should've realized a long time ago.

I really am in love with Alana.

holly speaks 🤍

took you long enough 💀

i love everything i have planned muahaha

love youuuu