Pocket Full of Lies

31- Feelings💔

Rehaan's POV

Everything was a lie!

Every single thing since I woke up was nothing but a lie. I staggered back, the back of knees clashing the counter, before I ultimately lost my strength and sat back on the floor.

I pulled up my knees, resting my face on them as the truth rang in my mind as a screenplay.

I was paid for the work.

It was just a job.

What feelings?

The feelings, the stupid feelings. From the very start I felt guilt for not being able to reciprocate her feelings, and then felt like crap as I deduced that I had been emotionally and financially abusing her. I was drowning in guilt for hurting her as well as falling for her at the same time. But she...she felt nothing. Nothing for me.

She must have had a good laugh at my foolishness.

How stupid was I to fall for her caring nature, her constant support. Heck, even her sarcastic remarks and taunts made my heart summersault. I didn't know if it was love yet, but every action of hers had made me feel warm. Muskaan had been warmth to my otherwise cold and frightening new life.

But now I know that she wasn't my sunshine but a coldblooded liar.

It didn't even matter whether she hit me on my head or not. My accident, the matter that had been so important to me until now felt futile. All that mattered was the trust that she had so brutally shattered.

My head started spinning and my hands automatically moved to clutch my now bandaged wound. It felt like someone was hammering on my already wounded head. My chest suddenly started heaving rapidly as my breathing labored.

It felt like I was getting attacked from all sides. I was trapped with no idea how to get out of it or how to get help. I tried up, but failed and ended up falling on my butt. I didn't even bother trying again. I opened two of my shirt buttons as it got harder and harder to breathe. Dark spots came in front of my eyes for a second, before the light returned. This back and forth continued for what seemed like hours but it had been probably a few seconds before my body succumbed to darkness.

★★★★★

Muskaan's POV

He wasn't angry, he was hurt.

As I walked out of his house, I started thinking about what had transpired.

There had been many times when I had played the scenario of what would happen if he finds out the truth, in my mind. They all ended with either him calling the police or dragging me down to the police station himself. Nor once did I think that this situation would turn out like this.

The guy, who openly suspected me while he thought I was his girlfriend, didn't even bring up the topic of me being a suspect after finding out the truth. What mattered to him was me playing with his feelings. Something which I had never taken into account.

Just shows how much of a good person you are. Note the sarcasm.

As much as I was relieved that he wasn't trying to put me in jail instantly, it actually unnerved me. Although scary, I was prepared for that scenario. Not this, never this. I never even imagined Rehaan would get affected by this. His words rang in my mind-

Is going to jail the only thing in your mind?

What about apologizing for pretending to be my girlfriend?

What about playing with my feelings?

Playing with his feelings. Those words left a bad taste in my mouth.

I wasn't the one who caused the accident, but damn if I didn't feel like a criminal right now. Especially when he made every possible effort to not hurt or scare me even while his trust was broken.

I am not going to hurt you, Muskaan. Those words played like a tape recorder in my mind. The way he turned back so that I didn't have to face his angry state. The way he tried so hard to control himself even when he had every right to show his anger at me.

I couldn't even take the image out of my mind when he forwarded me the knife and spatula to protect myself.

That freaking idiot thought he was the one who had hurt me in the past.

Rehaan had been my saviour in the past and I thought in some twisted way, I was being his saviour too. But I didn't even realize that because of my actions he had been drowning in guilt. Guilt for a mistake he had never committed.

Yes, he was a jerk. I hated him too because of how annoying he was. But he never crossed the line. It was always annoying and not dreadful.

The things that made him feel that he might have abused me were all because of my fear and not his doing.

The aggressive cleaning and need to fulfill all his wishes on demand, developed because of my own fear that he could hire someone better, someone old and experienced for this work. That was why I worked so hard to prove myself. So that he wouldn't regret hiring me and leave me to fend for myself. When this fear of a fifteen year old scared me escalated and turned into a disorder, I never realized.

Not until Rehaan pointed out my behaviour. Heck, he even tried his best to get me out of it.

He was ill, had just got out of the hospital yet all his focus was on helping me out. I now understood why he ate that boring food quietly; why he came to clean the refrigerator and why he went grocery shopping even when the whole experience was so new and scary to him. It had been scary even for the old Rehaan.

Speaking of Old Rehaan....

No matter what clashes and issues, he had been there for me from the start. And I ruined him. I shattered his trust, that too at a point where he had no one else to lean on.

I stopped in my steps as my legs grew heavy, the guilt taking a toll on my whole body. I patted my burning heart to somehow soothe it.

Sometimes the pain givers can also feel hurt by their own actions.

I had been walking randomly until now, my head filled with thoughts of Rehaan. But as I moved my head to see where I was, I realized that my subconscious had brought me back to my home.

Fortunately, it was time for us night renters again or I would have to wait outside, because surprise surprise, I had nowhere else to go again.

I went inside to see some of the girls cooking their food. It was then it hit me-

Rehaan didn't know how to cook. And even if he ordered from outside, I was the one keeping track of his medicines.

Will he even eat in this state?

Probably not, not until someone forced it down his throat. Especially the red capsule, he hated it with all his might. The one that was the most important one. His health might suffer.

With that thought, I rushed back to his house, ready to take all his anger and accusations, only to be met with complete silence.