Pocket Full of Lies

23- If my theory is right...

Rehaan's Pov

What to do when your own home feels unfamiliar?

When I got discharged, I had really hoped that coming home would give me peace; that it would give me a sense of familiarity; that coming here would at least reduce if not completely end the unsettled feelings I had.

However, nothing of that sort happened. Heck, the house felt more strange than the hospital room. It definitely didn't seem like a house that was lived in for three years. There was no personal touch. As if, as if it wasn't mine to begin with. It was my home then why did it feel like I was intruding on someone else's house.

And there was Muskaan! The logic told me to suspect her. But no matter how much I tried, I ended up feeling guilty for even thinking bad about her.

The girl was something else altogether. She fought with me fiercely, even teased me to the point that I couldn't breathe, but then suddenly she turned into a person that was so different from her usual personality.

I didn't react much, but I had noticed the shock on her face when I asked her to just order something instead. I couldn't understand why she was so startled by that fact, especially when she herself was so tired. It should have been a normal thing. Getting takeouts when you're tired was a given. It was something even my amnestic brain knew. Then why was she so shocked?

That time I let it go, not trying to overanalyze but I couldn't when she wanted to leave eating in the middle just to cater to my tantrums. The urgency in her eyes to fulfill my demands baffled me.

It didn't seem like the usual care a girlfriend had for her boyfriend, it was something else. Something that happened even without her realizing it. I noticed it when I was trying to make her sit back and eat. She wasn't completely in her senses. As if she was in auto-pilot mode.

For her to act like this instinctively just how many times had she left her own food to make my stupid demands meet before?

Was I that bad of a boyfriend?

Just how toxic I was to turn such a strong girl into this?

I prayed that this was the end of it. This was bad enough, but if I was even more sinister then I don't think I could ever meet my own eyes in the mirror.

Wait a minute!

Not having her contact number or any photos with her. And the messages only being demands of food. All the things that contributed to making me suspicious of Muskaan, were they actually my fault?

This must be it.

After years of constant submission and mental torture, Muskaan had enough. She must have finally found courage to leave this toxic relationship. The fight I remembered must be it. The last screaming match before she left me.

The doctor did say that I remembered only the most shocking and dreadful moments of my life.

Muskaan suddenly finding courage and leaving me must have been shocking enough for my brain to remember that memory.

Yeah, this was it. It completely makes sense now.

The logic says only Muskaan had the means to hurt me. But I couldn't come to terms with it because Muskaan was so caring. However, this theory goes with both the instances.

She tried to leave my toxic self. And when I didn't let her, it must have led to the fight which ultimately caused the accident. She probably didn't mean to.

It must have happened accidentally. There was no way she did it purposefully. Even if it was an accident, she must have felt remorseful.

This must be the reason why she stayed. Even if I was toxic, I was her boyfriend of seven years. There must be some feelings left in her heart. Or probably she couldn't leave because of the guilt of hurting me.

So the actual reason behind her lying about our fight was this...

She probably wanted to repent for her mistake quietly by taking care of me until I got better and then leave.

If my theory was true, then I was the actual one who had repent. If my theory was true, then I couldn't blame Muskaan for hurting me. If my theory was true, then I deserved what happened to me. If my theory was true, then it was now my duty to correct the wrong.

Now that I think of it, the accident was probably a blessing. Fate must have given me a second chance to become a better person. A chance to apologize to Muskaan and redeem myself.

It was right to let her go now and free her from the torture of being beside me. But it didn't feel right to just take my hands off like this. Letting her leave wouldn't give her temporary relief, but it wouldn't get rid of the issue. She might still go on auto-pilot mode if something happened. Someone else might take advantage of her situation.

I have to reverse everything.

And I will, by hook or crook. No matter what it takes, I will make sure to repent for my each and every mistake.

I made her life a living hell for seven years and now it is my turn to rot in that hell.