Take A Risk [Englot]

Chapter 13

Engfa nodded as the tears kept on falling from her eyes. I had asked for it so I decided to confess everything I was holding inside my heart. I needed to get it all out before we went back to Bangkok. I needed her to know where I stood, as complex as it was. I wiped my tears and cleared my throat, trying to get rid of the lump inside of it.

"I don't know what I'll do once we're back home." I breathed deep to help me get the words out.

I grabbed both her hands into mine.

"I really, really, like you, Engfa. I can honestly say that I've had a crush on you since last year."

Her eyes went wider as I confessed.

"I had a dream about you a little bit over a year ago... like the one I had on the plane... Then I've had a few more of these dreams but when you announced your pregnancy and went on maternity leave, it helped me turn off those thoughts. It was already complicated thinking about you that way with you being my boss..."

Her tears started to falter. She squeezed my hands, encouraging me to keep on.

"I thought I had buried my attraction for you deep down, but it resurfaced as soon as you came back. I lied to myself, pretending that this was not happening to me, a married woman with a regular family life... But I don't want to pretend anymore, I wanna be true to myself and to you. I like you for real. And each day here in New York has made me like you even more than the day before."

Engfa's face couldn't choose between happiness and sadness, her lips trembling.

"I don't know how I will be able to return to work after this. There are all those thoughts in my head. I'm afraid that I won't be able to resist touching you. But I know I shouldn't until our lives are sorted. I'm also scared of the pain that I'll go through seeing you five days a week without being... with you..."

The lump in my throat took more and more space as I came closer to what I really wanted to say.

"I know you said you had a crush on me but... I don't know if it means that you can picture a future with me... I don't know if you want us to be... together... or if this was just sex to get something out of your system..."

Engfa looked at me with so much pain in her eyes.

"Charlotte, I would never..."

"Wait! Please... I'm not done. Sorry... I also don't want to put pressure on you. Because even though you may like me for real, I... I don't know if I can leave Mew right now. I don't know if I'm capable of breaking his heart and wrecking my family... What you said about feeling like you were not able to give your sons the life they deserved, it resonated within me... I'm not a risk taker, I never was..."

Engfa looked at her feet, like she was defeated.

"Look at me, Engfa."

She breathed in and accepted to look back up.

"I'm not a risk taker but... I've never felt... something like I'm feeling right now with you. I... I just think I need... time. I... I want you. I know it has only been three days... but I'm falling for you... I just don't know how or when I'll be able to be with you..." 

My voice faded, my thoughts were all over the place, my throat was aching as I had forced myself not to cry. But I couldn't speak anymore. Looking into her eyes, I gave her a little nod, as my tears came back.

"Thank you... for being honest with me. I get that all of this is complicated. I would like to say that I shouldn't have given in and none of this would have happened... but that would be a lie..." she said.

She caressed my face, wiping away my tears.

"I don't regret anything that happened here. Yesterday, you said to me that you would always cherish what we shared in New York and I feel exactly the same. You're right, it's going to be hard working together but... I think we can manage. We'll make it work, we'll keep it professional until... we are able to do things differently. We have to stay strong and keep it together until both our families' problems are solved and we feel we can take the next step..."

How could she be so gentle? I had basically declared my love for her but said that I was afraid to act on it, and she was there, welcoming my fucked up and coward personality.

"We can take as long as we need to... I promise that I'll wait for you. I don't want to pressure you either... but what I feel for you is not some little office crush that I can get rid of by sleeping with you... I'm truly falling for you, Charlotte."

My heart was shattering and getting patched up again in an infinite loop. I felt so many things at once. I wanted to kiss her... Could I? I didn't had to find an answer because she leaned and kissed me. I could smell her perfume, her big scarf caressing my neck. I took a mental picture of this moment. Us in tears, kissing on the Brooklyn Bridge, hoping that the future would bring us back together.

She took the posca pen from my hand and kneeled in front of the railing. I couldn't see what she was writing.

"Could you turn around please?" she asked her left hand covering the space where she had written something.

I complied even though it made me even more curious that she didn't want me to see. After a few seconds she took my hand and said "Let's go.".

I grabbed my suitcase and we finished crossing the bridge. We took the airtrain to the airport, staying rather silent during the ride.

Two hours later we were seated in the plane. The flight attendants were giving the security instructions, as we were almost ready to take off. Our fingers interlaced again. I was already used to this intimate touch but I couldn't help noticing the butterflies in my stomach as she squeezed my hand.

We watched a couple of episodes or Sex And The City. I was happy to see Engfa enjoying the show. We shared something that we never did before. It was beyond attraction, it was something that friends would do. And it made my heart soar.

"We should get some sleep." Engfa said, as the plane was turned into night mode.

I nodded and shifted in my seat to find a comfortable position. She patted her shoulder, inviting me to rest my head on her. I accepted, lifted the armrest in between and put a large blanket onto the both of us.

The minutes passed but I couldn't sleep. My body and my mind were still in New York and I was unable to calm down. I tried to snuggle more against Engfa without waking her up but I realized that she wasn't asleep either when she put her hand on my forearm and started caressing my skin lightly.

"I can't sleep..." I whispered.

"We have to or we will be jet lagged tomorrow." she whispered back, her fingers still dancing on my arm.

"Could you... sing me a lullaby?"

"People are trying to sleep. I can't sing right now..."

"But I love your voice." I murmured, looking up at her with a pout on my lips.

She was so beautiful. How could I return to my normal life in a few hours? She started to hum really really low and my heart exploded. Once again, I was feeling so many things at once. I was sad, happy and... aroused. Damn it. Calm down... But between the snuggling, the light touches on my skin and her voice in my ear, my body went on autopilot. This was a terrible idea but...

"Do you know what the Mile High Club is?" I asked her, as I sat back up a little.

She shook her head no, so I leaned towards her ear.

"It's what they call people who had sex on planes." I whispered, my lips brushing the shell of her ear.

Even if the lights were very dim I could see the blush getting on her cheeks. Her fingers stopped moving, she was kind of speechless. I loved having that much effect on her, it was not only me that would react to the littlest things.

I put my hand on her leg, letting my fingers dance on the soft fabric as I put my head back on her shoulder. I could feel her breathing getting heavier, her chest getting up and down making the blanket slide.

"Charlotte... We can't..." she whispered, doing absolutely nothing to stop me.

"I can't help it... My body craves yours." I replied, my hand getting higher and higher.

I purposely made a detour, my hand coming to her hip, fingers sliding along the hem of her pants, stopping at the button.

"We were... supposed to control... ourselves..." she said as she was trying to keep her voice as faint as possible.

I unbuttoned her pants and took the zipper down.

"We're not back home yet..." I murmured back, my fingers slipping inside her underwear.

She gasped.

"Ssshhh... You have to stay silent..."

My fingers brushed her clit. She inhaled sharply. I let them explore further down and I had to bite back a moan of my own when I discovered how wet she already was. She raised her hips slightly to help me ease into her. My finger was now buried knuckle deep inside her wet hot core. Her hands gripped the hem of the blanket, lifting it to her face. I saw her bite the side of her hand as I was thrusting inside her as slow as possible.

She felt so good around me. I had to squeeze my thighs to relieve some of the tension that I felt as I kept on fucking her. But my need to come was too strong to not do anything about it. I maneuvered my other hand under the blanket slowly and slid my fingers under the waistband of my sweatpants. I rubbed my clit over my underwear, trying to focus on both her pleasure and mine.

"Are... are you... touching yourself?" she whispered in my ear.

I nodded, my eyes closing because I could feel that I was already getting close.

"That's so hot..." she whispered again, her walls starting to clamp down on my finger.

I pushed my panties aside and inserted two fingers into my pussy, trying to hold back my hips that wanted nothing more than to roll over and over. I started to curl the finger that was buried inside her and let my thumb rub light circles on her clit. That seemed to do the trick as her pussy squeezed my digit in rhythm, while she frowned, coming without a sound.

Her breath was shaking and her legs were trembling softly. This made me even hotter. She turned slightly towards me.

"Let me help." she murmured.

She put her hand onto mine, above my pants, pushing down on it in a terribly slow and sensual rhythm. That was all it took for me to shudder with bliss. The thought of her wanting to help me come, me having one finger still inside of her and two inside of me, our need to keep quiet... It was all too much. This was so lovely. I enjoyed all the ways we made each other come in New York but I was happy that our last time was this soft.

The rest of the flight, the stopover and the second flight seemed to go in a flash. I found myself outside the airport, waiting for a taxi with Engfa by my side. The ride went just as fast. The taxi pulled over in front of my condo. I turned around and grabbed Engfa's hand. I knew I couldn't kiss her, not in front of my home nor in front of the driver... I knew I couldn't but I wanted to... so much.

She nodded at me with a soft smile, silently signaling me that everything would be ok and that I could go. I got out of the car, took my suitcase and waved at Engfa, holding in my tears as the taxi was taking her away from me.

When I got inside, Mew took my suitcase and greeted me with a light peck on the lips as we usually did. I did ecerything I could to not let the tears spill. Something broke inside me. I kneeled down to embrace Miles who was running towards me. I took him in my arms and hugged him as if my life depended on it. He hugged me back in his little arms and I started crying.

"Mommy? Why are you crying?" he asked, intrigued.

"I missed you." I said without letting go.

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