Take A Risk [Englot]

Epilogue

I started to breathe better in February. Mew and I finally talked things through and started to work around our separation. He really needed time to digest his life changing this much. Since I was renting Meena's flat we agreed that Mew would keep living in our condo until the divorce papers were done and he had to find another place to live before we would sell it. Miles was living one week with him and one week with me.

Miles and I found a new rhythm in our new apartment. On the days he was with me we did more things together than we ever did. He started to help me with cooking and cleaning without me asking. We built countless forts on the sofa-bed and spent a lot of time outside together while it was usually something that he did with his dad. Being outside more helped me to also feel better overall.

Engfa and I managed to regulate the weeks with and without our sons, so we had a full week together without kids every two weeks. That time helped us to get to know each other a lot more and I fell in love with her again and again. Engfa started to spend more and more nights of those weeks at my place instead of her sister's apartment. I loved going to bed and waking up with her in my arms. Except that on the weekdays she would always leave earlier than me so she could arrive at work before me.

I could see that being a couple outside of work was absolutely not a problem for her. She would even hold my hand or kiss me in the street or in restaurants, even though it wasn't that common in Thailand to display LGBT+ pda outside. But at work things were different, she would put more and more distance between us. Working with a spouse was always something that most HR services had mixed feelings towards. Engfa being my manager added a level of complexity to the whole question.

By the end of the month, Engfa asked me out for quite the formal date. She was usually really casual with her passions and what she liked to do. But the restaurant that we were in right now was way fancier than the places we were used to. The food was delicious though so I wasn't complaining.

"So... What are we doing here?" I asked, really intrigued, when we finished the main course.

"I wanted to do something nice for you."

"You know that you don't have to. Just being with you is enough for me."

Engfa blushed a little.

"I know but... I have something to tell you and..." she paused, visibly trying to find the right words.

I started to stress out, my heart beating fast, my palms getting sweaty.

"I... I'm gonna leave MOCA."

My heart sank into my chest. I always felt so lucky to be able to work at MOCA because it was a job that many others would like to have. I got to do things I loved everyday. I met Heidi and got a friend for life, almost a sister. My previous boss was a bitch but we managed. When Engfa arrived, working there went from being really cool but stressful to being really cool and way more enjoyable...

Thinking that Engfa was going to leave MOCA made me stress out. I remembered my previous boss and her toxic ways, totally afraid of what was going to happen to our team with a new manager... Engfa saw that I was frozen and she obviously knew that my brain went on overdrive mode again.

"Charlotte, baby, I'm not leaving you." she said, taking my hand in hers. "I got a job offer at Bangkok Art and Culture Centre..."

"NO WAY!? For real?" I yelled before realizing that we were in a fancy restaurant and that I probably looked crazy.

"My god, you went from shock to so much joy real quick, Char." she said, chuckling.

"Well, I'm freaking sad that you're going to leave the team but I'm so happy for you. This is such a good opportunity, working there is THE DREAM!" I was too excited to keep my voice low now...

Engfa blushed again, squeezing my hand. She looked relieved and proud.

"I have to confess something... I have been really struggling at work lately." she started.

It was my turn to squeeze her hand, conveying that I was there to welcome whatever she needed to confess.

"I love you. But being your manager is really hard for me. I'm always on edge and I have trouble focusing on what I have to do. I'm always thinking about you, both afraid and hoping I would stumble on you somewhere in the museum. Both afraid and hoping you would go on your no brake mode and jump my bones right here and there... Or that I couldn't refrain myself from ravishing you..."

I would have blushed but I didn't. Instead I felt the arousal spread inside of me. Pictures of me bending her on her desk at work started to creep inside my mind. Pictures of me bending her on this very table between us...

"I thought for a long time about asking you to go to HR with me and tell them about us. But I was afraid that you or I could have lost our jobs if they didn't support our relationship... Two weeks ago, right when I had decided to go to HR, ready to take the blame myself if they didn't support us, Nawat came to talk to me inside my office. He told me that BACC was looking to hire a team manager and he wanted to tell me about it before they would reach out to me..."

I looked at her lips as she was telling me all of this and couldn't resist biting mine. I was still listening but I was so proud of her, because she deserved this opportunity so much, also because she had been clearly tormented by us working together but still thinking about making it official... This made me even hotter...

"I was in shock but I told him that if they did reach out I would most probably accept whatever offer they would make me. Nawat said that even though he would miss working together he would support me if I decided to leave MOCA."

"Heidi is going to be in shock too when you'll tell her..." I realized.

"How's her trip going?"

"I think it's going really well because she hasn't sent me a single text since they arrived at their hotel..."

"She has probably seen more of Tina than the city of Manila!" Engfa laughed.

"I need one thing from you before you leave the team though..." I said, getting suddenly serious.

"I swear I'll brief HR about manager profiles so they will find you someone even better than me!"

"No one would top you. Except me." I smirked.

She got the pun and immediately started to blush more than she did before.

"Char..." she started but I cut her off.

"I want to have sex with you inside the tiny archives room before you leave."

She took her glass of water in a flash, drinking as if to let what I had just said sink into her. She was RED. She clearly was weighing the pros and cons inside her head when the waiter came back.

"Ladies, could I interest you in some desserts tonight?" he asked.

"No, thank you, I'll eat dessert at home." I replied politely, my eyes never leaving Engfa's as I got up, eager to leave.

Two months later, I was missing Engfa like crazy. She had left MOCA and not been replaced yet. We were all holding the boat afloat, doing the best we could. It was like the time when Engfa went on maternity leave. Except now she wasn't giving birth and all my fantasies could get real, finding myself in her arms 15 days per month at home.

But not having Engfa at work made me realize that what was hard wasn't not all the work we had to do without a manager, it was not seeing her every day that broke my heart. And 15 days a month was good but I knew now that it wasn't enough. I wanted to see her every single day. As the weeks went by I understood that I was way less happy when Engfa wasn't there. And the way we would hold each other when we found ourselves back together after a few days made me think that she was feeling the same. Each first hug spreaded warmth into my soul. I could feel myself breathe so much better when she was in between my arms.

It also occurred to me, having taken the time to look back at the past months, that if I wanted to take good care of Miles, the best I could, I needed to take care of myself and my own happiness. And being with Engfa at home was what made me happy, or being at the playground with her and the boys, or walking outside hand in hand with her... Miles was right, I smiled a lot more when I was with her.

She was my nice thought. Always.

I was tying up my laces when I heard someone ring the bell. I couldn't believe it was November 28th already. I buzzed the person in and took my purse. Two minutes later, I opened the door to my apartment, welcoming a young woman with a lot of bags. We talked for a little bit and I gave her the keys. I took the last box on the kitchen counter and I went out. I talked with the truck driver and hopped into the taxi parked behind him. Half an hour later I got out and opened the door to our brand new condo.

"Mommy!!"

Miles waved at me. He was trying to get his Lego sets out of one cardboard box, Sun helping him, eager to play together. Champ was walking around dragging empty boxes with him. Engfa was sitting on the ground, building Ikea furniture.

"The movers are parking outside with our things from Meena's flat." I said to Engfa, pecking her lips.

It had taken us almost nine months since we got officially together to where we were now. Engfa's divorce papers came out in April and mine over the summer. Engfa was really happy at BACC and Nawat offered me her previous job, after he heard good things from our presentation at MOMA from his colleagues. Engfa was fully living with me at Meena's and the weeks where we had our 3 sons together felt a little bit crazy. Miles was happy to share his bedroom with Sun and Champ though. We lived like this for a few months, getting used to those changes, adjusting to one another (on one to one and also five at a time) and then we decided we really wanted to and needed to move to a bigger place. We waited for both our old homes to be sold and used the money to get our own place together.

The kids were asleep for two hours when we finally decided it was time to stop emptying boxes. We sat down on the couch, cardboard boxes all around us. I looked at Engfa, she had a bright and satisfied smile on her face.

"I'm so happy right now." she said.

"I just realized that almost a year ago we were going to New York together." I said.

Engfa suddenly sat straight up on the couch and took my hands in hers, looking at me intensely.

"Charlotte, I... I was never happy when I settled down with Apo. I learned to know who I was, getting older and I know that I'm a risk taker. Whenever I take a risk good things happen to me. I took a risk when I decided to go back to school when Sun was born because I was bored with my old job. I took a risk when I followed you inside the restroom back in Brooklyn. I also took a risk when BACC offered me the job but..."

Engfa paused. She was eyeing one of the boxes near the tv cabinet. She stood up and walked towards the box, opening it slowly.

"I want you to know that... moving in with you is not a risk..." she said, as she was fumbling inside the box.

She took out a canvas and started unwrapping it. It was my drawing, the one that I had gifted her last Christmas. She looked at it with a melancholic smile and hung it on one of the few nails on the wall.

"... but Charlotte, this is not me settling with you either..."

I was lost. She fumbled again in the box, taking out what looked like another wrapped canvas. She unwrapped it, staring at it and taking a deep breath. I could only see the backside of a framed picture.

"... I love you so much, Charlotte. This... it's not a risk, it's not settling, it's just... right."

She turned around and hung the picture right next to my drawing.

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Hey readers, this story has come to an end.
I wanted to thank you all for following this story. I've been writing it for a month now and I hope you liked reading it as much as I liked writing it! 🤍