Take A Risk [Englot]

Chapter 15

Heidi put her hand on my back as she read the text with me, rubbing me gently.

"Damn... She misses you just as bad."

"You think?" I asked, trembling.

"Well obviously! What was so good about New York? The hot dogs and cupcakes or spending the nights naked against you???"

I blushed. I hoped that was what the text was supposed to mean.

"Don't answer yet." Heidi advised.

"Why?"

"Well, if her husband or Mew go through your phones, they might get suspicious if you exchange countless texts saying you miss being together..."

"Oh..."

"So... what are you going to do about Mew?" she asked, softly, still rubbing my back.

"I... I don't know. I don't know what to do anymore, Heidi, I'm scared." I said, feeling the lump in my throat coming back.

"Did you talk about you and Mew to your therapist yet?"

"No..."

"I know you said that you're afraid of what you... could find within yourself if you start digging around this subject with your therapist but... Char, I think you already have the answers you don't want to look at..."

Heidi was always super joyful and talkative. She was talking fast and being carefree most of the time. But when there was a truly serious matter, I could see that she was very careful with her words, talking slower. And if I was true to myself... I knew deep within that she was right. But I found myself unable to say that out loud.

"Did you talk about it with Marima and Aoom?"

I shook my head no.

"Well, you know I'm not relationship material... but these two are. Marima could help you think about married life and how to save your couple if that's what you want... And Aoom could talk to you about leaving with a woman... and how she dealt with her family?"

Heidi was such a good friend.

"What about Miles?" I asked, trying to get the words out. "What about... his life?"

"Charlotte Austin, look at me."

I did as she told me, the tears blurring my eyes.

"Your are the FUCKING BEST MOM of the whole wild world. You hear me? There are countless children that grow up with divorced parents, with only one mom or dad, or even without parents at all. Miles is a great kid and he will grow up ok, even if he has to spend only half of the month with you."

I cried, nodding slowly, trying to smile.

"And you know Mew is a good guy. He will take care of Miles like he has always done."

"He is... That's why I'm so sad..."

"Char... It's ok... Love fades away. And I truly think that it's better to grow up with divorced parents that get to be happy with someone else, than with parents fighting all the time."

"But we don't really fight..."

"I know, Char... But don't make me say things like "for now" or "because Mew doesn't communicate", it's not my place to influence you more than I already am. Talk with your therapist. Talk with the girls. Take your time to think and find out what you really want."

I hugged her, for a long time, because I really needed a hug and all the love that Heidi was giving me. She was right, I needed to talk about my feelings and sort them out. My appointment with my therapist was next week... I had the time to speak with Marima and Aoom until then. And I needed to find a way to act around Engfa when she would be back. And how or what to text her before that...

I went home that night, feeling drunk but relieved. I got into the shower, and my thoughts went back automatically to the shower I shared with Engfa. I remembered how she looked at me while I had washed my body. I remembered her soft skin beneath my fingers, her nipples hardening under my touch. I remembered when I got down on my knees and ate her out. God I missed that so much. I didn't know that would be something I would be that much into. The pictures in my head made me so hot. My fingers went to work in between my thighs and a few minutes later I came, my back pressed against the wet tiles on the wall.

Right before I went to bed, I took some time to think about what to write back to Engfa. I wanted to tell her so many things. I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her, that I missed her too, that I still liked her, that I wanted to be with her... So I settled for :

C🐰 : I really like this city, I needed more time to explore

During lunch on Thursday, I went outside to facetime Marima.

"My god Charlotte, you must be burning outside! Why are you not at your desk?"

"I can't talk inside, it's about work."

"Oh, is everything alright? Is that damn bitch back???" she asked with a menacing look on her face.

I laughed. Marima hated my old boss just as much as me even though she had never met her. She used to offer me countless illegal ideas to get rid of her, which helped me get through the bad times.

"I did something bad." I said.

"Bad? Did you break a piece of art?"

"What? No! I... I slept with my boss."

"EWWW! You slept with that Mr Nawat guy?" Marima made a disgusted face.

I didn't know how to tell my story now, she cracked me up so much.

"Please don't make me laugh, I'm really sad, Marima... Obviously I didn't sleep with Nawat... I... slept with Engfa."

Marima looked at me with eyes so big that it seemed like she had a filter on. I waited for her to talk again, afraid of what she would say.

"I'm a bit confused, Char..."

"I get it, it's ok."

"You slept with... Engfa? How?"

I blushed a little.

"Well I don't know if I can talk to you about the details while I'm out here, but you know... It's kinda like getting yourself off..."

"OH MY GOD CHARLOTTE AUSTIN! I was so not talking about that!! I meant how, like... how did that happen? Not how how!"

I blushed even more.

"It happened in New York..."

"Oh right, you went to New York! How was it?!"

I looked at her, not knowing what to say, pursing my lips.

"Ah... Yeah, right... I guessed it was fun in a way that you did not expect..." she said, replying to her own question.

Marima had a lot of questions. Mostly about my relationship with Mew and what I was going through right now. She didn't put any pressure on me in any way. She even said that Miles was definitely going to be ok. I could have spent three hours talking with her, but my break was over.

"Thank you for listening to me, Myma."

"Of course! Say hi to Miles for me. I'll send him some snacks from Japan!"

"You don't have to..."

"Well, I know that you are depriving him of most sweets, so I need to take my auntie role seriously!"

"Bye Marima, love you!"

"Love you, too!"

I went back to work and quickly shared with Heidi what Marima had told me when she got into the office between tours. She simply nodded with a smile, kissed my forehead and left without saying anything. I knew she wanted me to digest all this new info without influencing me.

The day went by, I left work early to walk to pick up Miles from school. I took my time walking, calling Aoom on my way. She answered right away.

"Hi kiddo!" she said enthusiastically.

"Hey, you're up! Are you still in Paris?"

"No, we flew to Milan yesterday. How are you, your voice seems sad? Do you want to facetime?"

"I"m.. I'm walking outside right now. I'm going to pick Miles from school."

"Why are you walking, isn't like 35°C right now??"

"I...needed to tell you something."

"Yeah? Are you pregnant?" she asked and I could hear the doubt in her voice.

"No... I... slept with my boss."

"YOU SLEPT WITH ENGFA?!"

"WHAT?!" I recognized Meena's voice, Aoom's girlfriend.

They hung up on me and facetimed me back a second later. They were pressed up tightly together, trying to hide their smiles.

"So... ahem... would you care to elaborate?" Aoom said, holding her breath, visibly squeezing Meena's hand.

"It... It happened when we were in New York."

"Hmm, right, right..."

"Damn, girl! Good for you, I remember her from the exhibition last year, she's gorgeous!"

"Meena!" Aoom and I said at the same time, but Aoom slapped her arm, which I couldn't do.

"Well, I'm just stating the truth. You even said so yourself..."

"Yeah, sorry Char... Meena's right. She's really sexy... How are you feeling?"

I stopped walking, I was really near Miles' school and I didn't want other parents to overhear our conversation.

"I... I'm sad... I think I've fallen for her and... I don't know what to do with myself or my life anymore."

"Well you should keep on fucking her whenever you got the chance. It's not everyday that you can score someone like her, don't let her slip away. Why do you think I cling to this one like my life depends on it?" Meena said, getting serious suddenly but blushing a little.

"How can you be so shy, so blunt and so damn cute at the same time?" Aoom asked her girlfriend, looking at her with so much love in her eyes.

I smiled, they really were a great couple.

"Listen kiddo, I don't think we can help you right now. Miles is waiting for you and this is not a light conversation, we need to take some time to talk about this seriously."

"Right." Meena said, approving.

"Try and find some alone time on Sunday if you can. I'll call you back after the show. And we'll be back to Bangkok for New Year's Eve if you wanna party with us!"

"Oh, that would be great! Ok, call you back on sunday. Love you both!"

"Love you!" they said together.

I picked up Miles from school and we walked back home side by side. As he was telling me about his day I couldn't help smiling while looking at him but my heart filled up with guilt. My little boy was growing so fast, I loved him so much. Could I live without seeing him everyday?

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Goodnight readers! 🤍