Take A Risk [Englot]

Chapter 27

Heidi and I came back to her flat, got through our night time routines as best as we could and went to sleep. When my alarm clock woke me up I was mad at myself from drinking that much the night before. Heidi was already up, showered and all dressed up, she even had prepared coffee.

"How can you be ready this early after the night we had?" I asked, dumbfounded as I struggled to keep my eyes open.

"Habit. Coffee?" she replied.

"Yes please. I bought fruits and nuts at the grocery store yesterday."

"On it! Go shower, you'll feel better after." she said, as she was opening her fridge.

We arrived at work on time and the first part of the morning went by smoothly. At 11am we had a team meeting with Engfa. I was happy to see her so I tried my best to look like everything was absolutely normal. She went over our respective schedules for the month of February and reminded us about the few deadlines we had to take care of.

She was such a great manager... and she was definitely wearing too much clothes... Damn Charlotte! Not at work! My body wouldn't listen to me, I started to feel tingles all over me as my mind went back to our bathroom sexcapade from the night before. Her body shuddering when she came around my fingers... My clit pulsating against her tongue...

"Charlotte?" a voice snatched me away from my thoughts.

"Yes? Sorry." I said, apologizing before I even knew what was happening.

"The meeting is over, everybody left..." Engfa said to me, closing her laptop.

I looked around and everybody had indeed left the meeting room. Shit, I didn't listen to a single thing for the last 5 to 10 minutes...

"You wanted to ask me something? You looked really absorbed by your laptop screen..." she said as she was walking towards the door.

"Erm... Engfa, could you close the door please?"

She looked at me, her eyes widening.

"We... we can't do anything in here, Charlotte..." she whispered, closing the door anyway.

"I know... The restroom on the 4th floor is better... and the archives room but you already know that... But! That's not what I wanted to talk about..." I explained, seeing her get quite flustered. "Would you like to go on a date with me, next week?"

Engfa's face went through different emotions. She was surprised at first, almost shocked. Then she squinted her eyes as she looked like she was going through her schedule inside her head. And finally she smiled, her dimples popping out. Damn those dimples...

"Could Tuesday work for you?" she asked.

"Yes!" I didn't know if I was answering the question or if I was just happy that she accepted to go out with me.

I stood up and took my things with me. Engfa looked at me walking towards her, like she was waiting for me to open the door again, her hand on the handle. I got up to her and suddenly she realized that I was really close, her eyes widening again, blush creeping on her cheeks.

"Can you show me your dimples again?" I asked, getting one step closer to her.

She blushed, looking down. Then she smiled enough to make them appear.

"Damn... Want to go have lunch with me in the archives room now?"

"Charlotte! Stop it!" she whispered.

I put my hand on hers, kissed her cheek softly and then turned the door handle. I went out of the meeting room and Engfa stayed at the door, completely frozen.

The rest of the day was really uneventful. Engfa didn't accept my offer to go visit the archives room for an afternoon delight when I came across her in the hallway later. I left work, after having reminded Heidi that I was probably coming back to her place late tonight because Miles would be back home.

At 6pm I opened the door and found Mew already waiting for me in the living room. He looked tired and stressed out.

"You didn't send me any messages over the last two days. I was worried." he said.

"I was at Heidi's, remember?"

"I was afraid you wouldn't come back."

"Of course I was going to come back for Miles' return. Your parents said 6:30 right?" I asked.

"Yes..."

"I'll stay until he's asleep. Then I'll go back to Heidi's."

"Why? What about the week-end?"

"I'll be back tomorrow morning. I'll spend the days here with you and I'll go back to sleep at her place at night." I explained.

"So I have to take care of the night shift?" Mew said with a disappointed tone in his voice.

"I'll take Miles with me next week, so you can have some time off. Heidi has a big sofa-bed that I can share with Miles."

"Why do you want to take Miles to Heidi's? His home is here."

"Well, that's how shared custody works... You can't be the only one taking care of him at night. We'll go slow and figure it out step by step..."

"What do you mean, shared custody?! I thought we were going to work on our problems?!" Mew raised his voice.

"I told you I need time alone, Mew, I think that it's..."

But I didn't get to finish what I wanted to say as the doorbell rang.

"Fuck... Not a word on this to my parents!" Mew said, panicking.

I looked at him, puzzled.

"You heard me, Charlotte? Not a word for now. Please." he repeated as he opened the door.

"Mommy!! Daddy!!" Miles yelled with a big smile on his face. "Look what Grandma gave me!"

"Hi buddy, I missed you." Mew said, ruffling his hair.

"Mommy, look! Look!" he said, showing me a little Lego submarine.

I kneeled down, wrapping my arms around him for a hug.

"Wow, wonderful! It's a beautiful plane!" I said, teasing him.

"Mommyyyyy! It's not a plane, it's a submarine! Look there's a proplepler behind!"

"A propeller, Miles." Mew's dad corrected.

"And I have a lot more vehicles in my bag! Santa left a lot of presents for me at Grandma and Grandpa's house!"

Mew welcomed his parents and kept a straight face, faking that everything was going well, being quite talented at it. Not really a surprise coming from someone who spent years hiding his feelings. I tried my best to be a good daughter in law and went along Mew's *everything is fine* little play.

Half an hour later, anxiety started to creep inside of me and I went to the kitchen to distract myself from the pain, preparing dinner. Miles came to support me, keeping me company, handing me various utensils while showing me all his new toys. Mew's parents stayed for dinner and left when it was time for Miles to take a bath. We thanked them for taking care of our son over the last few days and for the gifts, reminding them that they didn't need to shower Miles with presents each Christmas just because we held this tradition with my dad.

I stayed in the bathroom with Miles as he was playing in the water, making his plastic crocodile fight against invisible mean guys. I was happy to see him as playful as always. But guilt was starting to get the best of me. I didn't want him to live a lie. I didn't know how to break the news to him... I still needed to talk things through with Mew...

We read one story each to Miles and kissed him goodnight. He hugged me so hard, smelling my hair.

"I missed you, Mommy."

"I missed you too, honey." I replied, kissing his forehead one more time. "Sweet dreams."

I started to clean the kitchen even if it wasn't really necessary. I wanted to stay at least a good thirty minutes before leaving to be sure that Miles was asleep. And I didn't feel like waiting in the living room facing Mew... I sensed that he was still angry even though the evening went well. Hiding in the kitchen wouldn't be a long term solution and soon Mew came to talk to me.

"Would you stop cleaning? I could have done it myself."

That passive aggressive way really was getting on my nerves.

"Well, you wanted to fake being a normal family, so I play the part of the good housewife..." I said, drying my hands.

"Would you have preferred to spend the night talking about our problems to my parents?"

"I don't know..." I replied, because I truly didn't.

"Are you really going back to sleep at Heidi's?"

"Yes."

"And you're going to be back tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, I'll bring breakfast."

"It doesn't make any sense, Charlotte..."

"That's the best I can do right now, Mew. Until we find a way to tell Miles about what is happening, it's the only thing I can think of..."

"What IS happening, Charlotte? Explain this to me, cause I don't understand!"

"Hey, don't yell, you'll wake him up." I said, trying to calm things down.

"This doesn't make any sense." he repeated. "I refuse to put Miles through something like shared custody. He needs a home. He doesn't need to be lost between places..."

"You can't stop me from seeing him."

"That's not what I said. But you're the one who left home." he replied.

I didn't know what to say. He was right, I was the one who left. Did that mean that I abandoned my son? What about abandoning myself for years? I didn't want to abandon Miles, that was why I offered to take him with me for a week... I was sure that Heidi wouldn't mind...

"I'm looking for a couple therapist. A guy from work told me that he had seen one like twice with his wife and that their problems were solved now."

"I'm not sure that's what I want nor what we need..."

"Well, I wanna try! You've been bugging me for years because I wouldn't look at my feelings and now that I want to try you're the one backing off!"

"Mew we don't love each other anymore..." I started.

"WHAT?"

"You refuse to see it but you know it's true..."

"We... We're just going through a rough patch." he said, trying to keep his cool.

"No, we fight and we never talk about anything deep."

"We're fighting because you want to leave! And I just offered you to go talk to a professional! We can't break up, nobody would understand! Miles wouldn't understand!"

"Does our happiness depend on what people think?! Is this about image?!" I snapped at him.

"Guess what, Charlotte? It's part of it, yes! Love comes and goes, but families have to stay together! You're the one breaking us apart!"

I couldn't listen to this anymore. He was right... But he was also so wrong. There were too many thoughts in my head and I couldn't process everything I was feeling to make him understand. I felt like if he kept on raising his voice, I would either start to shout at him or cry... and I didn't want any of that. I took a deep breath and grabbed my purse.

"I can't deal with you if you scream at me, I need to leave." I said going towards the door.

"Yeah, right... Leave, that's what you do best!"

"I'll be there tomorrow at 7am." I replied, without looking back and I left.

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