Take A Risk [Englot]

Chapter 17

Engfa came back on Monday morning as she had said. We started the day with a team meeting. I couldn't look at her. I kept my eyes on my laptop, taking notes, focusing to the maximum. I refrained myself from asking any question to avoid looking up. Heidi saw right through me and apparently right through Engfa too.

H🌟 : You both quite good at faking
H🌟 : But when you already know like I do it's unbearable to look at you two...
C🐰 : I don't know what I'll do if I lose control
C🐰 : Either I'll cry or I'll jump her bones right on this table...
H🌟 : I do think that some creepy coworkers would appreciate the show
C🐰 : Ew...
H🌟 : Let's change your mind...
H🌟 : So what about this New Year's Eve party you were talking about?
C🐰 : I'll tell you about it during lunch

The first days of the week were as hard as I had imagined. Engfa was clearly trying her best to avoid being near me, especially alone. She always found someone to report the info to me instead of coming on her own. When our paths would cross I couldn't help but blush and I noticed that she did too. Each time I saw her from afar, I caught myself staring, my eyes raking over her body, reminiscing our shared passion.

On Wednesday evening I went to my long-awaited appointment with my therapist. I didn't spare him. We only had one hour but I used every minute of it to let it all go. My attraction to women that I'd never explored, my crush on Engfa, my marriage, my doubts, what happened in New York and where I thought I was standing now. He didn't seem surprised whatsoever, which was both nice and weird. We agreed that I needed time to process all of those feelings and he gave me weekly appointments instead of the usual once every two weeks.

Almost two weeks went by since we came back from New York and I found myself spending more time at work than ever. I didn't want to go back home as I was more and more on edge everytime Mew was around, especially when Miles was being difficult. I also wanted to see Engfa's face as much as possible, even though it meant working late just for a chance to see her one more time.

On two occasions we crossed paths in the ladies room. Those were the hardest of all the interactions we had over the past few days. I could see the want and the fear in her eyes, like she didn't know what she should do. I was feeling the exact same. I was one bad, or good, decision away to push her into one of the stalls and have my way with her.

The first time we saw each other, she took at least three steps back, when she saw me entering the bathroom. She found herself pressed up against the farthest wall from the exit, like she had just trapped herself. She was at my mercy.

"Charlotte, I..." she tried.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to lock the door behind me." I replied, not saying anything else, worried that there could be someone else in one of the stalls.

The second time we met there, I knew there was no one else inside, as I could see in the mirror that all the doors were open. Engfa entered the room when I was washing my hands. Our eyes met in the reflection. She froze when she saw how dark mine were. She was clearly battling inside herself. I saw her clenching her fists and holding a breath.

"Do you want me this badly?" I challenged her.

She just nodded, still not moving.

"I want you too. I haven't had sex since New York... I'm so frustrated... even when I touch myself..." I said, wiping my hands, my eyes still locked into hers.

I saw her gulped.

"I... I'm... Me too." she stuttered.

I could see the want in her eyes.

"Each time I see you I'm so conflicted. Part of me wants to cry... and the other part only wishes to ravish you..." I admitted, turning around.

She took a deep breath, her knuckles turned white.

"Charlotte, I..."

I walked towards her. She closed her eyes instantly, preparing for impact. But I couldn't do this to her. My therapist was clear on this too, I needed to give her space as much as I needed it myself. I walked out the bathroom without touching her.

"I still miss New York." I said, letting the door close behind me.

Christmas was almost here. It wasn't really celebrated in Thailand but being half british I always spent that day with my dad, with the whole gift giving and family feast. My dad flew from Phuket for the occasion mostly because Mew and I still had to work. The last Friday before Christmas I took a chance and while Engfa was in a meeting with the other managers, I sneaked into her office, leaving a present on her desk.

Over the last two sessions my therapist led me to accept that I should follow my intuitions and feelings, as long as they were respectful. So one night I felt the need to draw. I went to my desk and pulled up a small canvas that I had bought like two years ago but never dared to use. I was afraid of drawing something bad on it and my fear of failure blocked me from using it. This time I felt like destiny had made me save it for this particular day. I started drawing intricate lines as I always did, with only Engfa on my mind. When I was done I wrapped it and put it in my backpack, and decided to give it to her.

On Christmas morning Miles was crazy happy. He was jumping all around the living room, seeing countless presents around the tree. My dad had tears in his eyes, seeing his grandson being so joyful. We exchanged gifts. Mew got me what seemed to be a really expensive piece of jewelry and I got him all sorts of running gear that he didn't already have. This made me realize once again that we weren't taking care of each other anymore as those gifts were completely deprived of any love or thoughtful meaning.

As Miles and I were playing on the carpet with his brand new toys, the doorbell rang. Mew went out and came back with a cardboard box.

"What is it? I asked.

"I don't know but there's your name on it." he replied, putting the box at my feet.

"What's in the box, Mommy?"

"I don't know, let's open it." I said, ripping the side of the cardboard.

When the box was finally open, another box slid from the inside. It was a wildflower bouquet Lego set. I didn't even know they made these. I checked the inside of the cardboard box but there was nothing else, no note, nothing.

"Oh wow, those are gorgeous!" I was really happy receiving such a gift.

"Who sent it to you?" Mew asked.

"I don't know... Isn't it you?" I whispered.

Mew shaked is head no. He looked kind of angry.

"It must be Santa!" Miles said with a serious face.

"Yeah, you're right Miles!" replied my dad.

I mouthed to my dad "Is it from you?" but he also denied.

"Did you get a gift from Lego because you bought a lot of products?" Mew asked, trying to understand why this was sent to me.

"No, I don't even have an account on their website. I mostly buy from stores..."

"Can I help you build it, Mommy?!"

"Of course, honey. Let's do it!"

We spent the rest of the day building the Lego set. Miles asked me to find a vase to display the flowers onto our kitchen counter. I could see that Mew was not liking it.

"Don't you think there's a little bit too much Lego on display here ?" he said, looking at the flowers.

"Daddy, there is only two... ONE... TWO!" replied Miles pointing around the house.

"There are, Miles. I just think it's a little bit childish for home decoration... They would go better in his room."

"Well, I like them. They make the living room and the counter more colorful and homy." I said with a smile.

That night Mew snuggled behind me, his arm wrapped around mine. I didn't move, my mind was racing again. Then I felt the blood rush to his dick, poking me slowly as it hardened against my butt. I was feeling dizzy. I hadn't had sex since New York and I was definitely missing it. But I didn't want... him.

"Mew... not when my dad is in the other room..." I whispered.

Mew groaned and turned around. I wanted to cry, feeling too many things at once. I got up and took my phone with me to see in the dark.

"Where are you going?" he whispered.

"To get some water, I'm thirsty..." I replied, trying to hold the tears back.

I went to the kitchen, poured myself a glass of water and sat down at the counter. I breathed deep and slow, trying to find a nice thought to calm myself down. My phone buzzed suddenly.

E🥭 : This is the most beautiful piece of art I own

There was no following text, picture or link. I was confused and then it clicked. She was talking about the drawing I had made for her. My heart started pounding in my chest. She was deliberately writing vague messages from the beginning to avoid exposing us. How could I say that I was glad that she liked it without being too obvious?

C🐰 : You have great taste

As I hit send I started to panic. This text was so bad... What if she thought I was implying that... God damnit!

E🥭 : I do 💐

Then it hit me. I looked up, the flowers made of bricks were right in front of me. Engfa was the one who sent the gift, that was why there wasn't any note inside the box. My heart soared. I couldn't wait to be back at work to thank her for real.

___
Next up, New Year's Eve party!