I love you.

Chapter 7

Its been two days since I tried to killed myself. I stared at Joshua for what he did for me, I smiled.. but trust me, it wasn't a creepy stare and smile. I made my way to the kitchen of my house. "Where are you going?" he asked concerned. "The kitchen, do you want anything?" I asked smiling. "What do you want from the kitchen?" , "You're really weak.. and I am not letting you get junk food either." He said kissing me and waiting for me to answer. "No junk.. hmm... a sandwich. With honey turkey, onions, mayo, vinegar, pepper jack cheese, and a sparkling water.. black cherry" I smile and thank him. I can't believe  I tried to actually kill myself. Am I considered a attention needing self centered bomb? That i'm going to blow up any moment? Am I a failure? Yes. I'm all of those things, and now.. Josh is dating me? Why? Does he feel like if he doesn't, i'll kill myself? Does he feel like he has to date me? Are those kisses, 'I love you's' real? 

Stop thinking like that.. he never lies to you.. never.

Yeah, but he can this time, I can understand where he would come from.

He loves you.. dumby.. why would someone lie about loving someone?

Joshua. Joshua would, to save me from hurting myself. Its all I ever wanted, is him.. and that's why i'm getting him now. 

It was all an act? All fake? He doesn't even love me.. does he?

I heard him coming up the stairs. "Hey beautiful" he said putting my food on the bed, with a little table that you put on your bed to eat on. I smiled faintly. "Hey, why are you loving me now? Like, is it to keep me safe, or do you love me, like love me Joshua." I asked while taking a bite of the sandwich. I didn't eat for the two days, so normally I would make the conversation more serious and put the food down instead of eating it, when I eat it, it seems like it isn't so important, but it was. 

"Both. I won't lie to you, you know I never have." he says smiling

"Napkin?" He says handing me a small pile of napkins.

"Joshua.. this is serious" I said finally putting down the food, so he knows.

"I know, when you call me Joshua, you're serious." he says laughing.

"J-Joshua, seriously? Like I can't believe you right now. I wanted to talk to you like you actually cared.. cared about me and my feelings. And so far, It doesn't seem like you do. I honestly don't know what happened to you. You were the only person that cared enough to listen and give me advice I needed. I think you should leave. Thank you for the sandwich and water, I appreciate it." I started to tear up, and I sucked it up. I'm gonna get strong again, no matter what happens. 

"I-I'm sorry Dest.. What can I do to fix it?" he asked.

"Just go home, i'll call you later." I said looking down and then the door.

"I love you" He said leaving, and not giving me time to say I loved him back.