I love you.

Chapter 17

I called my mom, and told her the good news. She told me that she was very proud of me that I was moving on with my life. I went home to go collect everything I owned. My Macbook, clothes, money, makeup, everything, and I mean everything at my house. I was so happy that I forgave him. Joshua was going to pick me up from my house, but I drove myself to Starbucks to get a passion tea with raspberries. I went to the mall, and came across a pet section. I bought a bunny, I named Peter, as in Peter Cottontail. I wanted to surprise Joshua, so I bought the food, cage, and a couple cute outfits for the bunny. I drove to our house, and put the bunny in our bedroom. I started to decorate every room in the house. I unpacked, and put away all my clothes, makeup, and hair products. 

I went to go to the store to buy groceries, but Joshua had already gotten them. I went home and took a shower. Out of no where, I got a call from my job I applied to in California, when me and Joshua were taking a break. "Hello there, we would like to inform Destiny Rose that you have gotten the job. Your shift starts at 5am - 10am" I listened, and hung up. It was a voice over. This was going to change everything. There was a chance that I had to move to California. I didn't need the job at all, but its a famous company and I always wanted to work there, and the money would be amazing, even though I don't need it. I was planning on extending the house and having kids. My mind began to scramble and mix up my feelings and decisions. I remembered I told Joshua I didn't want any secrets. 

I called him on the phone, and he said he'll do whatever he has to do. I didn't know what he meant, if we were moving or not, or somehow getting me there every single morning. The money isn't the issue, the schedule is. The fact that our plans might change is. I am so tired of these obstacles getting in the way of our relationship. I was done, not with the relationship, but with the way I felt of always having anxiety or depression from stupid things. I just want the best for us, forever and ever. No matter what. But that seems impossible. I wanted to tell him all this, but the words just wouldn't come out.

My feelings for him, were never ending, and thats an unstoppable feeling. I never thought I could or would ever feel that way about someone. I remember being sixteen, and falling in love with him when I didn't even know it. I remember him patting the seat and inviting me to be next to him. I remember our first kiss, and how I felt after words. I remember everything, and it was so much to take in all at once. And now, I'm twenty years old. All these years, and Im still falling in love with him the same way I did, if even more then four years ago. Throughout these years, Ive never been more happy and depressed. Ive been on a roller coaster of feelings.

The roller coaster never stops, but the courage you have to go on it, keeps it going. Basically, the roller coaster is my feelings going up and down, and the relationship is the courage, and the feelings in the relationship might go up and down, but they never end. Yeah, I know. Why didn't you just say that? I don't know, Okay? But anyway, I was so confused about what I was going to do with this job. It was my dream job, and the pay was good too, I was so happy when I got the call, but never so devastated. My life would change, maybe for ever, maybe for a week. I can't predict the future, but I'm just hoping Josh is in it.

I don't mean to say that as if I don't think I will be with him, but what if I go to the job instead of the college, or drop out. I mean, I know neither would happen, because its very rare that anyone gets into Harvard, and I am very lucky to have the opportunity to even get a call back. I just wanted to have a good life, and grow old to see my kids have a even better life then me. I hope my kids don't have any drama, like the drama I've been threw. And Josh and I are going to do, you know.. on my birthday. That will be the day I loose my innocence. I am scared, but I know I'm ready, because its Joshua we're talking about. He is a virgin too, but I never imagined myself even dating Josh, so this was defiantly new to me. 

I didn't want to be a whore in school, and I always wanted to save it till marriage, but I don't want to rush into having a wedding. If anything, I would want to have the wedding while I was pregnant, so It looks cuter in the wedding pictures. I thought about my future way to many times before, my wedding, my first time giving birth, and so many other things, like my child's first steps, first words, first boyfriend/girlfriend. I want this all the happened so badly, I forget I'm only twenty and I still have a whole life in front of me, and not to rush into everything. Suddenly, the college popped into my head, I will be in Harvard! That is amazing, and I hope my kids get into Yale or Harvard, because I want the best for them.

I want them to have responsibilities and not to be spoiled.