I love you.

Chapter 18

After a couple months, it was October 13th. My birthday. Today was the day Joshua and I lost innocents. I was so scared, and being around him felt different. I wanted to just cuddle and watch Netflix, but today had to romantic. I went to the store, and bought a pregnancy test. I also have this app, that tells me the days I'm supposed to have my period, and the days I can be pregnant on. I just got it today, because I don't really know what this is going to be like. 

And the thing is, we might actually end this with a baby. Our whole life can change, in a second. One little kid, can determine everything. I can't believe Im doing this at 20. I feel like I'm too young to have sex, but for some reason I feel like I'm ready. My emotions weren't helping, because I was so confused on how I felt about the situation. Was I scared or ready? I couldn't tell. I just wanted it over with.

My hardest decision was to do this on my birthday, I mean.. it can be a little weird, but I mean, I wanted to have it on a really special day. I don't want this to be awkward, but I doubt that it will be like it is in the movies and television shows. I know that it isn't, because theres always a script, do this and look that way, moan this way. Its all a lie, so it makes it look more fun and make the actors look good in bed.

I didn't want to keep talking about it, because I just kept getting more nervous. I went back to bed, and then woke back up. He was cuddling me. It was so cute, I had to Snapchat it. He was the best person I could do this with, at least I think so. I wonder if Joshua is nervous, I mean, he was a lot of responsibility, he has to make sure he doesn't hurt me. And there I go, talking about it again. 

I got up and went to look in the fridge, there was so much to choose from. We had a huge fridge. I wanted there to always be food. I took out some strawberry, and banana, and made a strawberry banana smoothie. Its healthy and filling. I made one for Josh, so when he wakes up, he can go to the gym. He doesn't have to, but I like to keep a routine for us. It feels amazing when we complete our whole day routine. Wake up, eat/drink, gym, shower, and extra time goes to us. We always do everything together, and I feel like this is going to be weird.

 I don't have abs or muscle, but Im not skinny, or chubby. Im average, with a butt. I never knew that I would be doing a diet, better yet doing it with the person I love the most in this world. I was proud that I could have the will power to try my hardest to lose weight. Joshua used to be chubby, now he was a six pack, and muscle. I love it, its perfect to cuddle with. He was always so supportive of me and my choices. I loved how he didn't think I was slutty, or a whore for wanting to be his first, and for him to be mine.

Later on, he made me a very romantic dinner, with dessert. After that, we decided it was time. It wasn't awkward at all, it was very romantic. After we did what we did, we fell asleep. When we woke up in the morning, I decided that I was going to use the pregnancy test. I peed on the stick, and hoped for the best. 

I went outside the bathroom, and Josh was right there waiting for me, "Well?" he said concerned. "Not yet" I said hugging him. "We'll get there, trust me.. but it was our first, we should cherish that no matter what Destybear." He said hugging me. "I love you." I said hugging him back. "I love you more." He said bringing me to the bed so we could cuddle and relax.