Songs [BANG CHAN ONE-SHOTS]

Silent Cry ❤️‍🩹

TW: anxiety, depression, self-harm, suicidal attempt ⚠️

Requested by straykidzchu_

I hope this story gives you the comfort and healing you deserve 🫂

(also, sorry I am late with this story, it has been hard for me to write a story with this theme)

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Having fun during summer, with all the time spent outside in the sun as you accumulated all that vitamin D, you thought that you'd have stored enough positive and good energy to get through the upcoming autumn and winter. But, as days shortened and the weather changed, with all the gloomy clouds and constant rain, followed by a decrease in temperature, all that energy seemed to have drained from your body. Add to that the new school year and you had your body and mind slowly falling into the darkest holes.

With the cloudy and bleak weather, you felt your motivation fade away - you had trouble concentrating on the lectures, literally forcing yourself to take notes and stay attentive during classes. Returning to your empty apartment after days that got harder and harder to get through, you'd just drop your bag on the floor and fall on the bed right away as unreviewed lessons kept piling up one after another.

Your parents would call you lazy. Every time you'd phone them, there would be constant scolding as to how you must work harder, not waste time, stop procrastinating, etc. They would accuse you of spending too much time on your phone and not using that time to study for the upcoming exams. And those calls would always drain you to the bone. You sought help from your closest family but they would do the opposite and you'd feel guilt after those calls instead of getting the smile back on your face.

So, you gave up on those calls.

Your friends talked about themselves, whining to you about how they can't follow the class, how there's too much to study, etc. instead of hearing you out. So, you gave up on reaching out to them too.

And yet another door was closed.

To make matters worse, you caught the seasonal flu. You didn't tell anyone except the teachers and the doctor who allowed you to take a sick leave. You were quiet about it because you lost hope that anyone, friends or family, would help you - you'd only come across another closed door, stuck in the space called "judgment", with no means of escape.

But... staying at home, in the dark, empty, and quiet apartment, was the worst decision. You were all alone, meaning that you had the time to think aka overthink.

The flu went by in a couple of days, using the right medication. But your mentality sunk deeper into the cold ocean of depression.

You started questioning everything and everyone. One of the most common questions was: "What am I doing?"

You labeled yourself that you weren't good enough for your friends and your family. The blame for everything hit you hard - you blamed yourself for "being lazy and procrastinating", you blamed yourself for "not being there for your friends", but then you'd cry more upon realizing that you weren't exactly getting the support back from those people you found dear.

And then another question would arise...

"Am I good enough?"

You convinced yourself that you weren't. With all that judgment, scolding, and numerous cold shoulders you'd get, you figured that those people didn't find you or your feelings important.