Triple dog...WHAT

I feel hate

I feel hate

March 5, 2015
I wake up to Abby banging my drum sticks on the wall of my room. I grab her to tickle , but she hits my head. "Uh oh!" She says. "Uh oh is when it's a accident!" I say.
"Uh oh!" I roll my eyes and pick her up. I then realize how much I smell like swim spirt. Aka chlorine.
"Baby girl I got to take a shower!"
I whisper setting her down. I go to the bathroom and lock the door.
Where running late. I shove my cloths into the locker room. And run out.
After I practice a decide I need another shower and since my hair hadn't dried I take one.
That may have been a mistake. Since I got out of the locker room late thus running into John.
Literally. "Sorry!" He says then he realizes it's me. "Hey wait! We need to talk."
"After school. I'm going to be late for class." I respond dryly. "How about now." He says dragging me over by the water fountains. "You have till I finish this sip of water!" I say rolling my eyes.
I bend and he starts to talk. "I know you saw me with Callie. I won't deny kissing her. She started it though. I should have pushed her of and I tried to a little. She backed me into the wall ,as you saw, and wrapped her legs around me!" I stop drinking and cut him off. "You kissed her back and you had thirty seconds!" I say starting to walk away. He grabs me wrist. "Please let me finish!" He begs. I glare and try to walk away but his grip is to tight. "You get another sip." I say monotone. "I'm sorry I kissed her back, but I explained!" He says.
" you forgot something so bye have a nice life." I shout walk away. He catches up to me and I run to the girls bathroom. I think he wouldn't follow me. He doesn't. He calls me for a moment. Then comes in.
" Your not suppose to be in here!" I shout. The bell rings just then. "We're also not suppose to be late to class!" He fires back. I glare. "You know what. You want to talk lets talk. What about the kiss the day of the UNT concert ,or the talk after I went to bed at Taylor's , and don't forget the phone cal at the nail salon. I can't trust you , so we can't do this. Whatever this was. I say and I start to cry. "Tera I can explain all of that! I kissed her for the play we're both the leads! The talk she though I would go back to her given our history. I wouldn't-"
The why did you say when I'm down with her I'll consider you what's with that!" I yell.
"I used the wrong words! And the phone call-"
"Oh I heard on the six. Which is one day after today when my month is up! The I heard she has no idea and I love you!" I scream.
"We where talking about the play! It opens tomorrow if you forgot. She being you had no idea what it was since we where getting so close! And sorry I love her as a friend she said it first so I said it back!" He defends.
" you never tell me that!" I yell.
"Is that all I have to do because I love you. I love you so much! Sometimes, it's hard to find words to tell you how much you mean to me. I'll only stop loving you when infinity ends. I love you so much!"
" I can't trust you anymore I've been doubting you and I just can't do this. Technically you cheated on me I can't and will not do this!"
He opens and closes his mouth and then decides in one thing to do. He kisses me.
It starts of begging , pleading and a little demanding. It slows to a goodbye kiss. Soft and sweet and like a plead to remember him and leave me wanting more. I want more too.
Tears are streaming down my face. Then he breaks off with a kiss on my forehead. "I love you, and I really want you back." He whispers and I let him go. I cry for a minute more and make my way to class with a few tears around me face. I open the door to Texas history and everyone stands to look at me. I realize how this looks . Crying a little bit of mascara running. As for my hair I bet it's out of it's bun. I reach up. Yep out of it's bun. I take my seat next to Paige and Noelle.
They look to me worry in the eyes. They would ask , but Coach got is in the middle of a really big lecture.
They wait till after class. "Are you okay? "What happen!" They cry. " I broke up with John since I saw him kissing Callie twice. He explained like everything but I can't live in doubt with him. If I where to stay with him." "Then why are you crying?" Noelle asks.
"I don't know I didn't do this with Terry, Jerred, or even Nick!"
"You love him!" Paige says.
"No way! I don't love him! We are in freaking high school how do we know what love is or what it feels like!" I say.
Then I get a bing on my phone. From John.
Remember the day you told me love is a four letter word? I just realized that Tera is four letters. So that means Tera=love. It's not just me who loves you.
I look at it and tear up agin.
I get a text like that every passing period. All sweet and loving. I want to cry. When we get in orchestra I almost skip, but I need to prove I am strong. I freshen up before that class. Brushing my hair and reapplying makeup. I look fine like I haven't been crying all day. I fill my head with happy thoughts.
When I get in there I can already see the lines are drawn. Who thinks I'm a bitch for breaking up with me , and who thinks he's a dick for doing that for me. The ones who glare hate me which is most boys with the exception of Liam, Lorenzo , and Noah. The girls don't like him with the exception of Callie, Nadia , Erica , and Audrey.
Sadly I can see him almost all class. I don't talk to him and surround my self with girl who talk and keep me busy when we don't play.
I get the most relief when Taylor who's friends with John and Callie hug me.
When I get home before practice I listen to the first break up playlist I find in spotify. I get some ice cream too. It takes four songs for me to feel better. I put on my personal favorite break up song. I really don't care by Demi Lovato. I sing along and I feel better. I look back at who I became within the last few hours. The girl I swore I would never become.
I turn the music to I write sin not tragity and clean my room.
Bing! My phone shouts. It a link to come home by one republic from John . I click on it and then the lyrics come up. On of those videos. I listen to it and almost as if John planed it he sends me select lyrics.
There's someone I've been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They're in the wrong place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say to you..
Come home
Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
I almost break down, but I'm determined to stay strong. I put in a annoyed voice and start a audio message. " it will take more then a few cute to get me back!"
"But this way I never leave your mind!" He responds. I roll my eyes and go to practice.
"Okay what's up!" Ethan asks. "Ya sis we know when something's up!" Garry adds.
"Remember that dude that can while ago?" They nods there heads. "I broke up with him since he essentially cheated on me." They look confused and I see the question in there eyes. How did he essentially cheat?
"He kisses a girl twice , but she threw herself at him. He kissed her back though. Also they had a few talks that freaked me out , and I can't trust him. I won't be in a relationship if I can't trust the other person!"
"Then why are you acting all sad and depressed?" Ethan asks. "I don't know! Why don't you ask regain out?"
He glares. "Sorry that was rude!" He forgives me and we drop the subject.
"Do not kill me, but I have to pick John up from play practice!" Rose says. "Can I have your makeup bag and five more minutes?" I ask. She nods and I head off.
I brush my hair out some lip gloss on and a pinch of mascara. I August my top glad I wore something cute as a attempt to look good to feel good.
We get in the car to go pick him up. "So did you break up with him?" Rose asks. I nod. "Okay then that tells me how your day was. I turn on the radio and give me love is in and I think of our kiss at the dance. I flinch and change the song. "I thought you loved that song?" Rose asks. "We kissed to it once!" Is all I say.
We put on loud music and avoid talking after that. When we pick it up. It's even more tense. Yes I called him a it. That's what he is to me right now. I turn the channel and what do you know goodbye agony is on. Really I roll my eyes and turn the channel agin. We don't say I word and I feel it's eyes on me the whole time. I refuse to look at him.
When we drop him off he yells"love you bye!" Then I hear him say it agin. I roll my eyes.
"Well that was intense." Rose says. "I know I felt him watching me the whole time!"
"He want you back I can tell. He really likes you. I hate to say this about my brother , but string him out and kinda make him work for you. I show her the texts he sent me though the day.
" I want to hold you and kiss you. I want to talk to you! I want to go back to my birthday and I want to see you peaceful in my arms again. I want to hear your heart beat and I want to hear your smart ass reply. Wait I take it back I don't want it...I need it." Rose reads.
"It get better." I say.
" I remember the first time I saw you . I looked at you and though she looks amazing and interesting. I saw you throw your head back laughing with your friend and I though I want to have her as my girlfriend. I love you so much." Rose reads.
"The next one is my fav"!
One month , one month is all it took for me to fall in love with you. I love you and I can't wait for the day I have you in my arms agin , and if that doesn't happen then as you wish.
"Wow quoting dear john and princess brides with that one." Rose says.
"I know. There really good and all , but I still not think I will take him back."I speak with a shrug.
"He really likes you though. I can tell. That's his version of moping. "