Housemates

Happy birthday, Mom

Arianne

I run downstairs skipping two steps at a time feeling happy. I woke up this morning in a happy mood and even though Aaron is sick and worried me all morning at school this happy feeling never left.

I will still kill him though because he chose to randomly nap when he was supposed to update his mom and me.

The bake sale was amazing but I couldn't fully enjoy it without Aaron. Knowing he was home alone sick made me feel guilty for being there. So when he never responded I knew I had to go him and be there for him.

This might sound weird but I felt like a mother leaving her child home alone. Not that I am comparing Aaron as my child- although he does act like one at time. But you get it.

Right? 

I look around for what I could possibly make.

I told Aaron I'd be making pancakes but I think im more a sandwich type of hungry right now. I'm about to make the sandwiches when I suddenly start craving pancakes.

Alright back to the original plan.

I put the bread back and take out the ingredients for making a pancakes. As well as chocolate chips.

Chocolate chip pancakes are something my mom makes me every Saturday when she'd be home.

They are the only day of the week where she didn't have to be anywhere. The only day where she was simply, mom.

She wasn't angry like most days, she wasn't anxious about the different events she had to attend. She was relaxed.

And dad would never be there as well so she had no reason to get angry. I love those days.

Mom isn't  the type to watch a movie with me and she also isn't the type to just smother me as well.

So the only way we could connect was through making these pancakes.

In a way it makes me feel like I was actually loved by her and I never want to take it for granted. And then it suddenly hits me..

She's gone. She's gone. She's never coming back.

I don't get it, it been months. Why does it still feel like she died yesterday? Its like it hits me all over again. Every single time. And it hurts just as much.

A smell of something burning startles me and i look down to see that my pancakes have turned black. I completely forgot to flip them, but i don't even bother to move them. I just stand there, staring at them as my eyes begin to fill with tears. I turn off the stove and fall down to the floor resting against the counter.

Its the pancakes. It's the pancakes. Its the pancakes. I am okay.

I am fine.

The tears start pouring down my cheeks. I blink rapidly to stop them because i am not about to start crying because of some pancakes. I stand up and spill the burnt pancakes on the counter not thinking. My heart twists a million times. It's like I am throwing my childhood away. Suddenly I don't have the appetite to eat anymore. I don't like these pancakes anymore.