Summer and May

Chapter Seventeen: May

I was six Coca Cola's in for the party of twelve that just sat down, and about twenty-six minutes in of Summer deeply describing her make out session with Jeremy. I monotonously scooped cubed ice into styrofoam cups, filled them with soda, and set them on the tray. The only talking I'd done in the last hour was to my tables. In between that, Summer was giving me every single detail from the night before.

"His hands, May... his hands," her eyes rolled into the back of her head. "I dreamt about them all night."

Truly, I didn't know what to say. I attentively listened to all of Summer's stories, especially ones that involved boys. She taught me how to French kiss in the seventh grade, and her attention to detail has only gained prestige since then. But something was tugging inside of me. I wanted to be happy for her, to ask her more questions, but I fell silent. And I was incredibly selfish for it.

"Sorry," she gushed. "I've gone on long enough."

I placed a newly manicured hand on hers. Manis and pedis this morning were Summer's Pre-Birthday Gift to me, even though we still had three weeks to go. She never shorted on a celebration.

"No, I'm sorry. I just... last night was... weird." I finally stated. It was the first sentence she'd allowed me since I showed up for my shift.

Summer immediately recoiled, her lips and face downcast. "May, I'm such an idiot! No wonder you've been so quiet! I'm such a jerk. What happened? Tell me everything."

"Let me run my drinks and grab their orders, first."

Without needing permission, Summer grabbed a tray of drinks and helped me serve them to my table. She ran to check on hers again before we were in the back of the kitchen, leaning against the walk-in refrigerator.

"I... God, I don't even know where to start."

"Well, pick. Fast. I just got sat again."

I exhaled dramatically. "I... I think I had a... a moment... with Brooks."

Painfully slowly, Summer's jaw dropped. Her eyes transformed to the size of the moon. "It's about damn time! How did it happen?"

I tucked my hair behind my ears, a nervous tendency, and tried to tell her everything, while avoiding the secret confession I had made to Brooks in that convertible.

"I'd told him about our pact, and how you saw Jeremy and wanted me to go for him, and how..." I was failing at words. How could I tell this story without truly revealing everything to her? "How I immediately said no, and..."

"May..." Summer began, weary. What can of worms did I just open up? "Is this because I went after Jeremy instead? Do you... Did I... overstep? Are you jealous?"

This was a side of Summer that only I got to see. She cared deeply about those who loved her, and the look on her face was crushing me. Even the thought of hurting me, devastated her. I knew that if I told Summer the truth, the whole truth, no matter how selfish or ridiculous it sounded... she would tell Jeremy goodbye.

I wondered then how much all of this really meant to me. Just because Jeremy was the first guy to catch my eye since my ex didn't mean he was special, or that he was meant for me. What I was certain of is that my best friend was genuinely happy, and Jeremy was someone she could rave over like she had been today. She hadn't been like this in so long. It just wouldn't be right for me to voice how I felt. Feelings are fleeting, anyways.

"No, Sum." I said, and I watched her chest, puffed full of air, fall slowly back down. "I was getting down on myself for being too afraid to act. For always being too afraid. For always being the kind of girl you want to bring home to mom, but not the kind to--"

"Hey," Summer grabbed my shoulders, staring me dead in the eyes. "You are a dream girl, May. Guys our age only want one thing, and they know you're too good for them. Who knows if even Jeremy is that good. All I know is that you deserve someone amazing. If you don't want to hook up with someone this summer, then don't. I'm sorry if I pressured you."

Simultaneously, we both glanced over at our tables, who were both grazing the menu.

"You didn't. I clearly need a little push, anyways."

She smiled down at me, wiping off her apron. "Speaking of... this moment? With Brooks? This has to be good."

I sighed, a smile falling on my lips. It was as if a crushing weight on my chest had been lifted. "I was getting down on myself, and... well, he told me that I was beautiful, and that I'm... rare."

Summer's jaw was practically on the floor. She pretended to wipe something down as our manager passed us, then went right back to freaking out once he left.

"May, he sooo loves you. God, I wish you liked him back. You guys would be good together."

When I didn't immediately refuse her in this case, like I always do, she took a step back.

"May Everett. What are you thinking?"

I shrugged. I had to paint my next words near perfection. "Summer, I don't want to sound desperate here, but... I've never had a guy call me those things. I've had guys flirt with me, toy around the idea of me, but never actually take me seriously. When he said that... I don't know. Something happened. I thought he was going to kiss me by the way he was looking at me, and I wasn't going to turn him away."

Summer and I both couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. It seemed as if I was processing the situation as I was speaking about it out loud. Was this realization because I was in a fragile state when it happened? Was it because I needed to stop thinking about my best friend's boyfriend? Or was it because it had awoken something that I've been ignoring for years?

Summer seemed to think the latter. "I've been telling you this for years, May! Give it a shot!"

"And what?" I quipped. "If it doesn't work, or I back out like it always do... it could ruin our friendship. Besides you, him, and my dad... You're all the family I have."

I had picked the worst time to have a conversation of this caliber. We waited out the rest of our shift, showers afterwards, and a bowl of popcorn later before we finished our discussion. We sat in her movie theater on a cloud of blankets and pillows sprawled all over the floor. It had been a tradition since we were kids.

"Okay, I thought about this for the last three hours, so don't get mad at me, but..." Summer began, her mouth full of triple brownie ice cream. "I think this could be worth a shot. I know you guys are going to different schools in the fall, and you're scared about ruining the friendship, but... who better to try things out with? He's your best friend. He'll treat you better than anyone else. He's barely looked at anyone all of high school, it's like he's been on hold for you. You guys have such a solid friendship, that if it doesn't work... you actually could go back to being friends."

"Or it could blow up." I added, unhelpfully. Summer thunked the top of my head. "Ow!"

"You're being negative!"

I said nothing. Instead, a deep laughter filled my lungs. I couldn't contain it. Summer couldn't either. We laughed until we were nearly in tears. It was the closest I'd felt to her since we met Jeremy. It had barely been two weeks, and yet everything felt different. Except for right now.

"He's throwing a party this weekend, with his parents out of town. Don't throw any expectations on it, just see what happens." Summer lightly suggested.

I didn't hate the idea, although I was terrified of it. I'd known for years how Brooks felt about me, but he never showed it like he did last night. Letting go of whatever I felt towards Jeremy needed to fall away, but opening myself up to Brooks couldn't be just a distraction. It couldn't be a fling, either. It felt pressurized, like it had to be all-or-nothing. But maybe Summer was right, and even Jeremy, too. I didn't need to take everything so seriously, and I didn't need to look at the negatives, either.