Summer and May

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Summer

Avoiding the feeling of pain was quite familiar to me. I'd been doing it for years, especially when it came to boys. I'd broken more hearts than I could count, and yet... this may be the hardest time I've had managing pain. Since our fight, I constantly cycled through hundreds of emotions, from feeling stupid for falling for someone so quick, to blaming myself, to missing Jeremy. He had gotten under my skin so quickly, I had hardly realized how fast I lost myself in just trying to obtain him. My last summer had warped into something completely different, and I wondered how I'd gotten here in only thirty days.

I wondered also, painstakingly, why Jeremy was so upset. It had been five days since our fight, and still, nothing made sense. What felt like a harmless little lie had completely been blown out of proportion for him. I'll admit that having May help me bond with Jeremy wasn't one of my brightest moments, but that alone shouldn't warrant that kind of reaction from him. It seemed like every time I brought up May, Jeremy got more upset. I know the two had developed a good friendship, but I still didn't understand why her involvement in our relationship bothered him so much. Was he insecure? Was he mad that I was a little bit shallow?

I had so many questions. I began debating if the answers were worth it. There was no denying how I felt about Jeremy; I was crazy about him. If he knocked on my door right now and apologized, I would invite him in and never let him leave. While I would never forsake Brown University for a guy, especially a small-town guy from my own hometown, I had at least questioned what a future for us would look like. Perhaps we weren't meant to be, but that didn't seem plausible right now. I had questions, and I needed answers. I would give Jeremy the time he needed, but I would come with ammunition.

Work, my blog, and planning May's birthday party kept me busy the entire week. Planning the event kept my mind at bay, but the party itself might be good for me, too. It would give me a chance to see what I may have been missing all summer, since I was too busy trying to get Jeremy's attention. I hoped he wouldn't show up at May's party, even though I invited him when we were at the lake house.

"You don't think Jeremy will show up at your party, do you?" I asked May as we bussed tables together at Dockside.

She scrunched her nose, then shook her head. "Honestly, I hope not. Noah said Jeremy needed some time away... but maybe so do we. I mean, you."

I nodded. I was very tempted to ask May to speak to Jeremy on behalf, but since May was such a sensitive topic of conversation with Jeremy last weekend, I decided against it. That reason, and that I probably needed to stop leaning on her for my issues. She was part of the reason Jeremy and I worked out in the first place.

"I hope he doesn't, either. I wanna have fun this weekend."

Her eyes lit. "Me, too." she shoved silverware into the dish bin, grinning at me. "Let's just focus on each other."

I arched a brow. "Gladly. But..." May immediately looked suspicious, acutely aware that I was already cooking up a plan. "You know what they say. The best way to get over someone... is to get under someone else."

May sighed, disappointed like a big sister would be.

"What? In the spirit of adventure, we only have a month and a half left until we leave. There's so many boys I haven't kissed that I've always wanted to."

"Like who?"

We walked the dirty dishes to the kitchen, sorting between trash, silverware, and reusable trays. In answer to her question, I finally shrugged. "Marjorie, I've kept a list over the years. You should try it, too."

She shrugged. "Brooks will be there, so probably not."

"Of course he will. Do you think you two will...?" she looked at me dubiously. My sweet, innocent best friend. "Do I have to spell it out for you?" she nodded, expecting me to follow her towards the back of the bustling kitchen. "You two have so much tension. So much history. Do you think you'll do anything about it?"