Summer and May

Chapter Twenty-Seven: May

I left the lake house the next morning with an intense, unshakable weight on my chest. That weight only got heavier over the next week. My best friend was hurting, and I could do nothing to fix it. Even worse, I had helped cause it. It hurt horribly to try comforting her, while also keeping a very damaging secret from her at the same time. It was absolute madness, and Jeremy's absence over the last five days had hurt more than I expected it to.

Dad gave me a grocery list, hoping it would give me something to focus on. He didn't know every detail about last weekend, but he knew enough to see how crushed I was. On the way to the market, I replayed my conversation with Jeremy over and over again, remembering new details each time. The way he looked betrayed when I couldn't admit my feelings for him. The way it felt so selfishly good to have his hands around my face, to have my lips so close to his. I hated myself for spinning such a tangled web, and how I could have prevented all of this weeks ago.

But it was June 28th, now. I met Jeremy exactly thirty days ago, and he was gone. My birthday was in two days, and it nearly killed me that eighteen wasn't going to feel as sweet as I imagined. The last thing I wanted to do was party, but Summer had something elaborate planned. The last thing I wanted was to run into the Golden Twins at the market, but here we were.

"May!" Noah called over a tall stack of Coca Cola's.

I wanted to shy away, but there was no where else to go. I just hoped to God Jeremy wasn't with him. "Hey, Noah. How's it going?"

He seemed happy to see me, a wide smile on his lips. "It's alright. College Orientation is this weekend, so I'm stocking up before I go." He eyed me for a moment. "How are you?"

I nodded, faking a smile. I hadn't realized until now how good I was at that. "I'm fine. How's--"

"My cousin?"

I sucked in my cheeks, thinking of an escape. Of course I wanted to ask about Jeremy, but I wasn't intending to. "I was going to say Alex, but..."

Noah shrugged. "Jeremy told me what happened..." he sighed. "He's been keeping to himself a little bit." I felt mortified that someone else knew about this mess I'd made, but glad that Jeremy had someone to confide in. I had Summer, but she couldn't know any of this. When he noticed the disappointed look on my face, he tried perking up. "He'll come around, May. He's the most forgiving guy I know. Give him time to cool off."

I nodded once, gripping my cart. "Thanks. I'll see you around."

I plugged in headphones for the rest of my trip, hoping to avoid everyone else. The last several days have been a monotonous, tired routine. Wake up, run, Dockside, engines, sleep, comfort Summer, barely eat, sleep. Repeat. I entered my shift at Dockside without a trace of makeup on, and a dirty work shirt.

Summer allowed herself to call off for one shift, but she refused to let a boy keep her down. She limited herself to one gallon of ice cream, one chick-flick, and one good cry. She requested that she indulge in all of these things tonight, and I agreed to come after my shift. My mind floated to the possibility that Jeremy may be around, but I also hoped to God that he wouldn't. Brooks was in my inbox, but I couldn't deal with that right now. I barely spent any time with him after mine and Jeremy's fight, and he seemed to know something was wrong.

I couldn't believe six hours at Dockside flew by the way they did. I didn't bother counting the money I made. Without even organizing the bills, as I always did, I shoved the wad of cash into my apron and ran to my car. I was desperate to get to Summer but avoidant, too. I had no idea what I would say to her in hopes to soothe her, but I prayed that it would come to me as I drove to her house.

When I pushed open the door to her room, I wasn't surprised one bit when I saw its pristine condition. Summer didn't like sadness; she didn't welcome it, so she avoided it instead. She kept herself busy, hence, the perfectly clean room. She was working on her fashion blog so intently that she hardly noticed my presence. When I cleared my throat, she excitedly slammed her laptop shut.

"Hi, friend." she said smoothly, reaching up to hug me. I plopped down next to her on the bed, appreciating her handiwork. This room was normally covered in her clothes. 

"How are you?"

She shrugged. "Eh. I'm avoiding being sad. I still can't figure out why he got so pissed. I've played it over in my head so many times." she shifted towards me, a sorrowful look in her eyes. "Have you talked to him?"

I blinked. Tonight was going to suck.

Finally, I shook my head, deciding to hold onto the truth for a little longer. "I ran into Noah at the store. He said Jeremy is laying low for a little while."

She groaned, falling backwards on the bed. "Is it worth trying to talk to him?"

For the friend that almost always had good advice on hand, I came up empty tonight. It was killing me to see her sad, over something I could have helped her avoid. "I don't think so. Let's give him some space."

She turned towards me. "You, too?" My body went rigid. Thankfully, Summer saved me from answering. "Well, you two have developed a good friendship. I'm sure seeing you reminds him of me."

Right, that's it, I told myself. "We have."

She nodded slowly, with a look in her eye I hadn't seen in years. She wanted to say something else, but chose not to. I wondered repeatedly what that could have been.

Halfway through Pretty Woman and a gallon of ice cream, Summer had only shed one tear. Like myself, she hardly ever let herself cry. Especially over a guy.

"Something about him was different. I know it's stupid to say, I only knew him for a month, but... I saw something with him. I felt differently for him than I have for... maybe anyone." she breathed. I wiped the tear cascading down her cheek. "I tried so hard to be different this time, too. I played my little games at first, but I was genuine with him. You know?" I nodded.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do." she confessed, shoving a spoonful of cookie dough ice cream in her mouth.

"First, you're going to give him time. And consider what you really want. If he is what you want; with Brown, and everything else just around the corner... then try talking to him."

For the first time this summer, she looked unsure of herself. She seemed to be second guessing her every move for the last month, asking herself if it was all worth it. I watched as her wheels spun in their logical, analytical way. She was weighing out her options, rehearsing her lines, and making a strategic plan. She was her father's daughter.

"You're right. I'm going to give it time. I mean, I've had Jeremy-blinders on all summer. Maybe there's something else out there for me before we go to Brown."

I tucked a golden blonde strand behind her ear, arching a brow. "There's still adventure to be had, Sum. It's not even July yet."

A very slow smirk appeared across her cheeks. "Seems like we need to recalibrate."

"Yes, please."