Summer and May

Chapter Fifty-Four: Jeremy

When I awoke the next morning, she wasn't even in bed. The impossible thought crossed through my head that maybe she had left me. Overthinking our conversation last night had me in a state of panic. I scrambled, rifling through the sheets for a hairband, a phone charger, that little ring she always had on her finger, anything she may have left behind. I jumped over to my closet, finding her duffle on the floor. I exhaled harshly, incredulous that I'd just overreacted.

I let my bare back fall against the door frame, huffing. Was I in too deep, obsessing over her like this? Did she fell the same way?

None of this matters now. I just want to see her. I throw on my blue Bookings tee, jumping down the stairs. I can smell coffee once my feet hit the tile, so I know she's awake somewhere. Either that, or my mom is around. Maybe she knows where May is, or they even might be together. I run a hand through my hair as I pace the rooms on our first floor, lastly checking the patio.

And there she was, smiling at my mom over a mug of coffee. The two seemed like familiar friends, which swept a calmness over me. This would typically be a moment where I sat and enjoyed watching them together for just a small moment, but I was too far away from her. I rushed out onto the deck, catching May's eye.

And as if nothing had ever happened, as if our odd conversation never took place, May smiled at me with a perfect sweetness that she always embodied. There she was, my girl. I tried not to look too relieved, running a hand through my hair again and walking calmly to kiss her on her forehead. My mother grinned at us, motioning to the seat across from her.

As I passed behind May to find my seat, my eye lingered on a tiny birthmark she had on the back of her shoulder. It brought back memories of all the days we've spent at Sully's, wearing swimsuits, working half the day and playing the other half. And when we weren't doing that, we were kissing. I've kissed that freckle countless times, and sitting here next to her, I had the urge to do it again.

Instead I ignored it, joining in with their conversation seamlessly. I was beginning to remind my Mom that Kayce would be picking us up in a few hours, just as my dad hollered that breakfast was ready. Like always, Dad prepared a feast. The mood was lighter than it was at dinner the night before, so I squeezed May's thigh under the table in appreciation. She tensed, but in the kind of way she gets when she just wants more. I had to push those thoughts away at the breakfast table, although now my mind was racing on a lonely, fast track.

My father discovered that May knows how to play poker, and he nearly lost his mind. He settled back into his chair, facing his palms to the table, a wide smile on his face.

"You just may need to come around more often," Dad suggested, downright giddy that a girl could finally join our poker games. Ari never joined, just watched from a careful distance. For some reason, I believed that May would sweep us under the table if she played with us.

After breakfast was down time. Dad did yard work while Mom caught up on laundry. May seemed exhausted, so we opted for a short nap. I had so many things I wanted to show her before she met my friends tonight. Like she has been recently, she fell asleep immediately. She slept so hard, she even snored a little. After about an hour, she jerked awake. I kissed her forehead, realizing I hadn't slept at all.

May's sleepy, flustered look urged me to kiss her again, softly, but once my lips touched hers, I didn't want to stop. She hummed against my lips, and it made my stomach ache.

"I like waking up like this." she mentions, biting her lip.

I pull at her, but she's saying she needs to pee. She tramples out of my room with a flirtatious smile. My head thumps against my pillow as I fall back, a stupid smile on my face. When I hear an audible gasp from the hallway, I shoot straight up again. With my door cracked, I could only see a fraction of the hall. All I could see were two feet, where feet hadn't been planted in years.

Springing from bed before my mom could see her, I race to the door. The look on May's face is a mixture of shock, fear, and overwhelming sadness. The smell coming from Levi's room flooded my nose, bringing back a thousand memories all at once. Somehow, after all these years, even with Levi's things mostly boxed up, it still smelled like his favorite blanket. Like his stuffed bunny. Like the dirt he always had on his play shoes.

May took a step back, clutching her middle. "I'm sorry, I..." Her eyes fell, drifting to the worn carpet. "I thought it was the bathroom door. I'm sorry Jeremy..."

It had been years. Once, I let myself go in there when Mom wasn't home, which happened rarely. I was sixteen, and my brother had been gone for so long, that I was beginning to forget things about him. I couldn't let that happen, so I snuck into his room and sat on his bed. For hours. I gazed at the framed photos on the walls. The baseball jerseys hung in the closet. The cleats, the rubber boots, the water shoes he liked to wear, which he called "flippers," because he thought they made him swim faster.

I touched everything I could before they got packed up... although they never did. Mom couldn't bring herself to do it, and even when Dad offered, she would just shake her head. So I took it all in, everything I could. From his toys to his photos to his pillowcase. This was the first time I'd seen the blues and greens of that room since then.

I blinked, resetting my expression. "It's okay," I say, in a voice that doesn't sound like mine.

She shook her head. "It's not," she reaches for the door handle, but I stop her.

"You can look, baby." I say, shocking myself. "Maybe you can get to know him."

She wore a weary look on her face, studying me for a second approval. Her eyes swept down to the floor and back over to the room. She took a single step, as if the ground might fall through if she wasn't careful enough. When she finally did let herself in, she was entranced with all the things, and yet the lack of things at the same time. I couldn't help but mirror her expression as I slipped through, too.

May was careful not to touch anything, although she smiled when her eyes found a picture of him. I did, too, not realizing how much I needed to see his face. I relived memories in my head while she allowed herself another moment, nodding to me when she felt she was finished. I closed the door behind us slightly, drinking in the sights and smells before I said a silent goodbye.

She practically bolted to my bed once I closed my own bedroom door, following her slowly. It was apparent that she wanted to apologize, but she lost the need for words. Instead, she wrapped her arms around me as we sat at the edge of my bed. Her legs swung over me, and I just held her. Everything she wanted to say, she was saying right now.

"Thank you for doing that." She finally said, resting her head on my shoulder. "I know that must have been so hard for you."

My lips formed a sentimental grin. "It was kind of nice, seeing him again. It reminded me of how it was when he was here, so long ago. He would be sixteen by now, probably driving my mom crazy asking when he can get his license."

That brought a laugh from her belly. And suddenly, it seemed that everything was set back where it should be.